Jill's Miscellaneous Thoughts

A New Blog

2006-11-28T16:25:00.000-08:00

Okay, since I've been so quiet here because I don't want to write about certain things online I have decided to make a wordpress blog. I haven't done anything but write one post and import this blog. Here's the link though...new blog. Hopefully I'll start writing again soon; I may use password protected posts occasionally but there's an entry about that there. I'll try to write more in the near future!

Meme and Some Catch-Up

2006-11-14T13:37:00.000-08:00

In catching up on blog reading I discovered that I’ve been tagged by Karen. I actually haven’t been tagged to do this one yet so here goes! I’ll look through my iTunes library and see what I’ve been listening to lately while at work…

Here are the rules; List 7 songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre. Whether or not they have words or even if they are any good but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now! Post these instructions in your blog along with with your 7 songs. Then tag 7 other people to see what they're listening to.

1. “Porcelain” by Better Than Ezra
2. “Here It Goes Again” by Ok Go
3. “Other Side of the World” by KT Tunstall
4. “Divine Thing” by Soup Dragons
5. “Two Princes” by Spin Doctors
6. “We Live” by Superchick
7. “Jupiter Crash” by The Cure

Anyway I was woefully behind on that one since she tagged me awhile back. My blog reading has been sporadic lately!

I learned last week that absentee ballots can be dropped off at any polling location. I registered permanent absentee a couple elections ago but this time I didn’t mail my ballot soon enough to get to the registrar of voters’ office in time. I also gave blood for the first time on election day, crossing the seventh item off of my 101 things list.

Last week at choir practice I auditioned for a solo. Auditions were the week before but I was sick with a horrible head cold. Three other people had auditioned for the solo already so the director is going to have us sing it as a duet, alternating performances (there are three performances total). I figured it would be too late since I wasn’t there so it was a pleasant surprise to get to sing it after all! I’ve been listening to the CD at work all day (with my office door closed; it’s a little early for Christmas music) and it’s becoming familiar. I can’t wait for the concert weekend; it’s a great cantata.

I have been diligently working on Noah’s Sub, at Luke’s insistence. It’s really coming along. I finished the sky last night and just have a few animals on deck to backstitch (the lions, camels, and ram) and the bottom right corner (octopus and jellyfish). I think I really will finish it this year.

Ten Years?!

2006-11-02T16:05:00.000-08:00

So my ten year high school reunion was this past weekend. I still can't believe it's been that long sometimes. Other times it seems like a lifetime ago. Gosh what an interesting experience *that* was. I went by myself and was a little nervous about that but it ended up being great. I met up with several old friends, some there with their significant others and some there solo. I had some wine and the food was good and it was in general a positive experience. There was one odd moment that stood out as an amusing story worth sharing…

I was chatting with some friends and this guy came up to me. I knew who he was when we were in high school but I don’t know that we ever exchanged a word with one another as we were in very different circles. Anyway he came up to me and said “I always wanted to ask you out when we were in high school but I was shy”. Yeah, right. So I politely asked him what he was up to these days. He replied that he was still in the town where we attended high school and “working the system” ie, he’d been on unemployment for the last three years, but that he had a lucrative side business as a drug dealer. I replied that I am in San Diego, an engineer, and that I have a five year old, am on the PTA, and sing in the choir at church. I guess I thought that would deter him but alas it didn’t. I did politely extricate myself from that conversation as quickly as possible without seeming too rude. Another person mentioned during dinner that one of our classmates had a huge crush on me throughout all of high school and I was floored. The person in question was a friend of mine and I never had any clue that this was the case. He didn’t attend the reunion, however, and I haven’t spoken with him in probably eight years as we lost touch at some point during college. I was extremely surprised, though; I didn’t think I was that clueless in high school but maybe I was after all.

It was really interesting to see how much (or little) people can change in ten years. There were several people there who looked no different from our high school days and there were others who were dramatically different. I had a fabulous time catching up with old friends but really shouldn’t have stayed up until 2am doing so. Sunday I met up with a handful of friends for lunch before heading back home.

Well, I started writing this entry earlier in the week but haven’t had much spare time to finish it up. It’s Thursday now and I’ve come down with my first head cold of the season and a fairly bad one. I guess I’ll be skipping choir tonight and hoping to get some sleep. Trick-or-treating was fun on Tuesday. Luke was a pirate. We went with two of his friends, one of whom was another pirate and the other was a builder (NOT Bob the builder, as he adamantly pointed out throughout the evening). I’d post pictures but I just don’t have the motivation to pull them off my camera. Another day, perhaps.

Wierdness

2006-10-24T09:37:00.000-07:00

I haven’t had a lot to say (at least not that I’m willing to say in such a public forum) lately but something strange happened yesterday that hasn’t happened in awhile. It started at lunchtime; the vision in my left eye became strange. It was almost as if I’d been staring at the sun and everything was bright and distorted, but only in my left eye. It passed within 5-10 minutes. Within a half hour my left hand went numb, starting with my pinky finger and traveling across my hand, up to my elbow, and then to my mouth and nose. Within about 20-30 minutes it passed and I felt essentially normal except for a slight headache. This happened for the first time 3.5 years ago while I was on vacation to Death Valley and then again maybe 1 to 1.5 years ago while I was home on a weekend. I can’t find a common factor between the three times except it was dry and hot. I’ve called my doctor and have an appointment for Friday morning and have been instructed to go to urgent care if it happens again before then. It’s been suggested to me that it’s stress or a type of migraine. Since numbness and vision problems are also associated with MS (I had some time to search online while on hold with the doctor) I’m hoping it’s just stress or a migraine. Like there isn’t enough going on in my life right now, honestly.

I do have something fun to look forward to, however. My ten year high school reunion is on Saturday. I have a pretty dress and a place to stay and am looking forward to it. I still need to find shoes and a small purse and make an appointment to get my nails done on Friday. I’ve only stayed in touch with a few people from my class and I’m curious to see what everyone else has been doing since graduation.

As far as stitching is concerned I have still been focusing on Noah’s Sub. It is moving along rapidly and I think I will actually finish it this year. I also pulled a Christmas ornament back out that was over half done; I think I’ll try to finish it soon also. Of course while I was working on it last night I got a beading needle stuck in my finger (eye end with floss…). It was extremely unpleasant; it wouldn’t come out initially and I panicked a little but eventually managed to remove it.

On another note entirely I’m thinking about auditioning for a solo in the Christmas program at church. I wasn’t planning to but last night I was practicing for a three-part song and one of the ladies with whom I’m singing said I should and she is the choir director for the local middle school. I figure it can’t hurt; maybe it would even be fun. I don’t think I’ve ever sung a solo. I don’t know that I’d even get one of them but I think I’ll try for it.

Well that’s about it here. I ended having a headache last night after all. I slept really well and feel a lot better today. I’m still going to see the doctor on Friday but I’m relieved to feel a little better today at least.

School Fundraiser...

2006-10-10T08:10:00.000-07:00

Now that Luke is in the public school system we're seeing the whole "school fundraiser" thing. Oh goody. Anyway, I've been slacking; it ends Friday and I think we've sold one item? If you're interested in helping out here's the URL: linky. His Student ID is WE5962. I'm not looking forward to another however many years there are of this...

Just Some Thoughts

2006-10-09T16:34:00.000-07:00

I haven’t really known what to write lately so I just haven’t been posting. I’ve written probably three blog entries and then deleted them. Maybe this one will stick…

I had an interesting afternoon yesterday. I took Luke to the park down the street to ride his bike and play on the playground. He saw a friend from school, an adorable little girl, and so they played together for awhile while her older sister played in a softball game nearby. I had a long talk with the girl’s mother while they played. I have said before that I think God allows us to put ourselves into unpleasant situations because we need to grow or learn something or appreciate something that we wouldn’t otherwise. Yesterday I began to wonder if maybe, in addition to that, things happen in our lives just so that we can say one thing to one person and have a chance to make a difference in their lives.

I’m talking about my childhood and my parents and the perspective that I have from those experiences. This woman I met yesterday has two kids and an alcoholic husband who is often out of work, they’re barely scraping by, etc, and she’s at the end of her rope. She said how he had been sober for five days so far “this time” and that she wants out but it’s so hard with the kids, bills, etc. Even with what’s going on in my life I would never want to encourage someone to get a divorce but I did share my experience as a child growing up in a similar family and how my mom stayed “for the kids” for so many years and the harm it did. I don’t know what she’ll do with her situation, and I tried not to say what she should do either way because it’s not my place to say, but she seemed to really need to talk about it with someone who understood a little bit. I know that it was helpful for me because it made me see in a small way how trapped my mom must have felt and why it was so hard to her to finally leave my dad. I harbored a lot of resentment towards her for years because I felt she should have divorced him long before she did but she stayed “for the kids”. Anyway the other mom and I exchanged numbers and plan to get the kids together to play again soon.

There have been so many times recently where I see someone who seems to have it together or have such a perfect life and it turns out that they have their own problems too, different but not necessarily better. It cautions me to not be envious of other people who may have the life that I think I want; there is usually more to a person than what they allow others to see.

I have thought so much recently about the effect that decisions have, both on the person making a decision and other people around them. Some decisions can have immediate consequences and others may not be apparent for years. This decision that I have made, while I believe it is the right decision for me, causes me great pain to see its effect elsewhere. I don’t want to cause pain for anyone else but I want to be happy. Christine said something in a comment to a previous post that, with this very short time we have on this earth, it’s important to do what makes us happy. I believe that she is right, and I know what that means in my life, but it doesn’t make it easy.

Lots of Different Things

2006-09-26T14:39:00.000-07:00

For the next few months I’m going to try to focus my blog on stitching, Luke, and not a lot of personal stuff. Most of you who know me know by now that I filed for divorce. That’s all I’m going to say about it here for now; I’m going to try to keep as much of it out of my blog as possible. I imagine I’ll do any venting, crying, etc over the phone so if I have your phone number, well, you’ve been warned. ;)

I have made a blog for my 101 things in 1001 days though I still haven’t linked to it yet. I am going to be the PTA chair in charge of student support/community concerns so that takes care of item 89. 3 down, 98 to go…

Lately I’ve had the urge to stitch small things. Since I went through something of a slump recently I decided that whatever gets me stitching is fine right now. I am trying to focus on Noah’s Sub and finally finish it this year but I’ve been rotating in small pieces also. The other night I started Just Nan’s “Once in a Blue Moon” class kit. I haven’t worked on it much but it’s pretty small so it shouldn’t take long. Luke is always so excited when I pull out Noah’s Sub, though, so I’ve been trying to work on it as much as I can tolerate.

At back to school night I signed up to help in Luke’s classroom for a half hour each Monday. They break the class into three groups and rotate through “centers” Monday through Wednesday. I have the “art center” on Mondays. I am really enjoying my time in the classroom and it sure does make me look forward to Mondays, which is a new thing to me.

I discovered another bit of evidence that I truly do live in the midst of retirement communities. I am acutely aware of this anytime I’m out driving or at the grocery store, of course. I recently discovered, though, that the Longs down the street from my house has magnifiers on cords throughout the OTC medication aisles. I actually think it’s a good idea it was just amusing when I first noticed it.

Luke has decided to be a pirate for Halloween this year. So has his friend, Aidan. We trick-or-treated with them last year and it looks like that’s the plan again for this year.

Well that’s all I’ve got for today. My blogging may be spotty again for awhile but I’ll try to post as much as I can.

Stitchy Post

2006-09-11T09:37:00.000-07:00

I finished something over the weekend, Gypsy Hearts by Shepherd's Bush, so I took a picture.

I also took a couple work-in-progress pictures...

Alpine Seasons by Chatelaine:

And Noah's Sub:

I spent all day Saturday doing Luke-related stuff...soccer in the morning, fair at his school, and two birthday parties in the afternoon. Sunday I went to church and cleaned the house, including Luke's room. Nothing too exciting.

It of course doesn't escape my notice that today is September 11th. I suppose it would be impossible to miss that detail today if you listen to the radio, turn on the tv, check the news online, or whatever. I remember the day well because it was already a bad day before I knew about the attacks. Jay and I had been fighting the night before so he slept on the couch. I usually listened to the radio in the car on the way to work but I was really angry and listened to a tape of angry girl music so I had no idea. At work I heard what happened and they sent everyone home for the day. I spent the day at home with Jay and Luke, who was about 8 months old at the time. I remember being glued to the tv, not really understanding what was going on. It was the first time I'd ever seen continuous coverage like that without commercials.

It's strange to look back over the last five years and see the things that are different whether due to the terrorist attacks or due to time passing and life in general. I was such a different person five years ago. Jay and I weren't married at the time and I was still painfully aware of how things looked, having Luke outside of wedlock and all. I wished so much for my life to be different from how it was. I wanted stability and I wanted to be loved and cherished. I guess I thought if we got married then that’s how things would be.

I have spent much of the past five years finding myself and determining what it is I truly want out of life. I am no longer sad and insecure and I am over the concern I had with how things look to other people. I’ve had beliefs shaken and I’ve been humbled by my experiences. Sometimes I think God allows us to put ourselves into painful, complicated situations because the growth that occurs is necessary. I’ve certainly grown over the past five years. I hope I have learned from my experiences and that I can take negative things that happen and turn them into positive things.

Well I have a lot more on my mind than that, but that’s all I’ll be writing today. Today is a day to remember what is important in life and focus on ways people can be brought together and differences overcome. Though really I suppose those things are important every day, whether the day is the anniversary of a terrible tragedy or just another regular day.

101 Things in 1001 Days

2006-09-08T08:21:00.000-07:00

I finally did it; I came up with a 101 things in 1001 days list. Everyone else did this ages ago and I never jumped on the bandwagon. Today is September 8th so 1001 days from now is June 5th, 2009. I’ll add a nifty counter at some point (and I’ll update my blog template at some point too…hmm, maybe I should have put that on the list!).

Personal

1. Reach goal weight of 125lbs
2. Get hair trimmed and highlighted
3. Run a mile in 10 minutes or less
4. Complete Rivendell to Lothlorien walk
5. Give blood

Financial/Legal

6. Create a will
7. Pay off student loan
8. Pay off AAA Visa
9. Pay off Chase Mastercard
10. Increase my 401K contribution to 10%

House
11. Clean and organize hall closet
12. Clean out refrigerator
13. Organize and clean out shoes
14. Tackle Luke’s disastrous room and closet
15. Clean and organize garage
16. Clean and organize walk-in closet, non-clothing stuff
17. Organize hanging clothes in walk-in closet
18. Organize and clean out bathroom cabinets
19. Organize kitchen cabinets
20. Clean off top of the dryer and keep it that way
21. Clean off top of dresser
22. Get actual bedroom furniture
23. Organize movies/entertainment unit
24. Clean up the outside patio

Books/Movies

25. Re-read “Heart of Darkness”
26. Re-read “Tess of the d’Urbervilles”
27. Read a trashy romance novel
28. Watch all three LOTR Extended Edition Movies back-to-back
29. Watch all of “Band of Brothers”
30. Watch the “Rocky Horror Picture Show” on video
31. Watch “The Birds”

Fun/Travel

32. Take Luke camping again
33. Visit England and Scotland
34. Hike the Mist Trail in Yosemite
35. Backpack the PCT/JMT loop from Agnew Meadow to Reds Meadow
36. Go backpacking with my uncle Mike in Washington state
37. Go hiking in Redwoods National Park
38. Attend a Padres game at the new ballpark
39. Take Luke ice skating
40. Go to Six Flags Magic Mountain and ride all the new coasters
41. Go to Yellowstone National Park
42. Go to Glacier National Park
43. Hike to the bottom of the Grand Canyon and stay at Phantom Ranch
44. Go river rafting
45. Take Luke to ride on a train
46. Take Luke to the Monterey Bay Aquarium
47. Attend a “girls only” camping trip with my aunts, cousin, etc
48. Take Luke to the Aerospace Museum in Balboa Park
49. Walk the trails at the Wild Animal Park
50. Go skiing in the Salt Lake City, UT area
51. Visit at least one stitching friend who lives in a different state
52. Take Luke to Disneyland again
53. Take Luke to Medieval Times
54. Go bungee jumping
55. Visit the Palomar Observatory
56. Visit my friend Alison who lives in Houston

Stitching

57. Reorganize and catalog cross stitch stash
58. Finish stitching “Noah’s Sub”
59. Finish “Alpine Seasons” for my aunt Susan
60. Finish Nativity set for old couple at church
61. Start the Mar Bek “Nativity”
62. Start “Medieval Town Mandala”
63. Start Brightneedle’s “Dollhouse”
64. Pick a L&L piece to stitch first and start it…Firefly Fairies?
65. Make a stitching page online and keep it current
66. Start and finish “Grape Threadkeeper Kit” with finishing kit
67. Start Dracolair’s “The Phoenix”
68. Start a Silver Lining flower
69. Start a Marty Bell design
70. Start and finish a big Shepherd’s Bush band sampler
71. Finish “Nova”
72. Make an advent calendar
73. Finish “Mini Mystery I”
74. Attending a stitch-in Saturday at Stitcher’s Treasures
75. Finish “Gypsy Hearts”
76. Finish “Guardian”
77. Print out and organize all of my Chatelaine projects in separate folders

Other crafts/hobbies

78. Learn the entire Rhapsody in Blue on the piano
79. Make prints from my backpacking trip and put into a scrapbook
80. Make a scrapbook of roadtrip to Canada with Maya
81. Make a scrapbook of Hawaii trip with Maya
82. Finish Paris scrapbook
83. Learn how to knit
84. Knit a pair of socks
85. Finish crocheting an afghan for church charity group
86. Finish “63 Squares” afghan

Misc

87. Work through my Calculus book
88. Get prints made of digital pics for my mom
89. Become involved in the PTA at Luke’s school
90. Learn Spanish
91. Take my mom to a spa day
92. Get a new (or newer) car
93. Attend my 10 year high school reunion
94. Hang artwork or something in my office to make it more personal
95. Clean out my purse
96. Bake a pie from scratch
97. Buy a multimeter for use at home
98. Try a new cookie recipe
99. Update my address book
100. Try a new food item
101. Make a new 101 things list

Two Quick Things

2006-09-07T15:26:00.000-07:00

Today I learned two things: 1. It can take a very long time to tune a piano when the piano tuner brings along an apprentice and 2. It is really hard to come up with a "101 things in 1001 days" list. I am stuck at 83 things. If I can think of another 18 then I'll be posting a list at some point. Hopefully before I accomplish anything on the list because then I'll have to come up with even more things. And that's all I've got for today.

Friday Update

2006-09-01T08:30:00.000-07:00

I’m happy to say that I have power again (yay!) but my kitchen is considerably worse than it was last week since I haven’t been cooking and we had to move the fridge. The fridge is back in place now and I plan to spend at least some of the three day weekend cleaning the kitchen and the hall closet. Having a friend see the embarrassment that is my hall closet was enough to motivate me on that one (our breaker panel is hiding in there).

My best friend, Maya, was down for the day yesterday. I took off at lunch and we spent a lavish afternoon together getting lunch, massages, manicures, pedicures, and blended drinks at Starbucks. It was my first “real” massage and wow. Definitely planning to do *that* again in the future. Spending the day with Maya was exactly what I needed and we have got to do that more in the future. She really needed the time away herself; she is a stay at home mom and, while she loves her son dearly, she said that she really needed the time away.

While Maya was down she showed me what I think is one of the funniest things ever. Go to this site and watch the video on the left hand side with the treadmills: “Here it Goes Again”. I also like the one where they’re dancing in the backyard. I think they may be my new favorite band!

I haven’t done much stitching this week. I have spent a fair bit of time dealing with the lack of electricity and then choir started last night. I missed choir so much during the summer; I am thrilled that it has started back up again. I am no longer the youngest member of the choir, though; one of my friends from bell choir has joined and she’s a couple years younger than I am. It was so great to be back singing with everyone; I can’t wait for the Christmas music to start.

So that’s how things are with me. Luke is settling into kindergarten pretty well and he’s enjoying soccer. All but one of the kids on his team go to kindergarten at his school and it is so different from last season since he’s more comfortable with them. He still played last year but there is definitely a different dynamic.

I’m looking forward to the three day weekend. I’m taking Luke to Legoland tomorrow, most likely; I hope it isn’t super crowded. Sunday I’ll be taking him to a co-worker’s pig roast (their annual tradition for the day before Labor Day) and I have no plans yet for Monday. I’d like to go for a “real” hike or at least a long walk and get a bunch of stuff done around the house. That’s about it!

Drama of a Different Sort

2006-08-30T09:26:00.000-07:00

Because I don’t have enough stress in my life already I came home yesterday to a domestic nightmare. After work I came home to change and go for a walk before picking Luke up from kindergarten. The closet light wouldn’t work so I figured that the bulb had burnt out. Well, until I saw other things were off too. I checked the breaker panel in the house and everything was fine so I called the power company. They informed me that there weren’t any outages and that they have record of my payment and to check the main breaker outside. It was off so I flipped it back on and things seemed fine…

I got home from walking and picking Luke up and prepared to make him some dinner, only to discover that things were definitely NOT fine. The stove turned on…but wouldn’t heat up enough to boil water. Some things worked in the house and some didn’t. Jay came home, talked to the neighbor who said the fencing contractors had cut their water line while taking out the fence, and suggested that one phase wasn’t making it into the house. Jay had a business dinner to attend so I called a friend who has a meter (yes, I’m an EE without a meter at home…disgraceful, I know) and we checked out the panel inside and confirmed that only one phase was making it in the house. It was dark and difficult to see the main outside so Jay called an electrician who came out first thing this morning. Did I mention that the electrical main for our building is a suspicious two feet from the digging location where the contractors cut the neighbor’s water line?

The electrician this morning discovers that the contractors cut the power line and that the water is *boiling* underground because of the proximity of the cut power line to the cut water line. He says it is too big of a job for him to do and that the concrete will have to be dug out (the word “winch” was mentioned) and a new line put down with the power company’s involvement. We have called the home owner’s association and they are supposedly sending someone out to deal with it “immediately”. We have had so many problems with our home owner’s association since we’ve lived here; I cringe to think about dealing with them over this. I am prepared for battle though!

So this is where things stand as of this morning: I have lukewarm water instead of hot water, can’t run the stove or the microwave, can’t do laundry. Half of my electrical outlets don’t work so I moved the fridge into the dining room last night and have to use a flashlight in the bedrooms (but the bathroom lights work). The ceiling fans don’t work but at least my OTT light outlet is good. Oh yeah, and it could be *weeks* until it’s fixed, according to one of my co-workers. Great. I have got to wonder what drama will be next in my life…

Bear Canisters

2006-08-29T15:12:00.000-07:00

Thanks for all the nice comments; I had such a great time on the trip and can't wait to go backpacking again (this time with matches!). There was a question about bear canisters...well, they are special containers for food, trash, and toiletries that bears can't open. One of my friends has this one and we rented a second one at the ranger station. They are required according to the wilderness permit. I was a little apprehensive about bears but we didn't see a single one. The guys were disappointed but I was relieved!

Sarah I know what you mean about putting names to faces; I love being able to do that and I've been surprised before too. I laughed that you thought I was blonde. I don't surf either, nor am I a vegetarian. Oh, and I hate sushi. So those California stereotypes don't fit, but I do hate cigarettes and love the outdoors, so those two apply at least.

So my birthday was Sunday; I can't believe that I'm 28 already. I did start a new project for the occasion: Gypsy Hearts by Shepherd's Bush. It's small so hopefully it won't take long. I was stuck at work pretty late last night and didn't get much stitching done.

Choir starts back up this week; I have really missed it during the summer. What else is new...counseling was awful yesterday. We are just incapable of seeing eye to eye and it really sucks. Things have been really strained lately and it is taking a toll on me. Change can be so hard, even when it's the right change. I know this from past experience but this is a tough situation and it's hard to know what's right!

Well that's it for today. Maybe this will be the start of more frequent posting again...

Kindergarten and the Great Outdoors

2006-08-24T15:09:00.000-07:00

Today was the first day of school. How is it possible that my baby is now in kindergarten? I must say I handled it well; I didn’t cry and Luke was perfectly happy to go to his class. I’m sure it helps that we already know 3 out of the other 19 kids in his class (2 from soccer, one from his preschool class). He was so excited about his new lunchbox, though it’s for snack time since I will happily pay $2 a day for a pretty decent cafeteria meal. I can’t wait to pick him up after work and see how his day went. I know that it would be normal to feel sad that he’s growing up so fast, etc, but I didn’t have a problem with today. I always loved school; it was a refuge for me. I know it isn’t that way for everyone, but he seemed to enjoy learning new things at preschool and I intend to do all I can to foster a love for learning in him.

I had quite the adventure on my backpacking trip and I’ve been meaning to write about it but have been busy. As usual, right? Well we drove up to Mammoth Saturday, via Camarillo (which is actually 120 miles out of the way). Luke spent the week at my mom’s house and enjoyed the week immensely. I understand there was much lego building and more than a little spoiling! My mom was so excited to spend the time with him and I know he enjoyed the time with my brothers.

We got to Mammoth mid-late afternoon, got settled in the condo (where I had my own room and bathroom which was great) and did an easy one mile hike around the Earthquake Fault before dinner. Sunday we got up early to go to the ranger station only to find out that we couldn’t get our permit until 11am. The ranger assured us that we shouldn’t have a problem getting the permit since the Rush Creek Trail was a particularly difficult one. That should have been the first sign that we were in trouble… We had a leisurely breakfast at The Breakfast Club (which I totally recommend) and packed up to spend the afternoon hiking in Yosemite. At 11am we got our permit, rented a second bear canister, and headed up to Tuolumne Meadows in Yosemite to do a day hike and begin acclimating to the higher elevation (9000-ish). We decided to hike to Cathedral Lakes, 7 miles round trip, and this was one of the high points of the entire trip. Anyone who knows me at all well knows that it takes a lot to make me speechless. I was either speechless or babbling inanely much of this hike as I was overcome with the beauty of the place. I have only been able to upload a few pictures to flickr so far because of the file size limit each month, but here are a couple from this hike:

Cathedral Peak:

We spent Sunday evening preparing for the backpacking trip, after a hearty dinner. Hiking 7 miles at 9000’, even with just light day packs, was a decent amount of exercise. Enough for me to worry about the three days to follow! Monday we were up very early to check out of the condo and head to Mammoth Mountain Inn to catch the YARTS bus up to the trailhead. I don’t have many pictures uploaded from the first day yet but here is one of our camp that first night.

The trail was especially strenuous the first two miles. We hiked nearly 8 miles the first day and one of the other people hurt his knee the first day. The first night was really cold; there was ice in the water pump when I got water on Tuesday morning! The stars were beautiful though and worth the 8 mile trek and freezing cold. The stove caught on fire Tuesday morning and so did two rocks…we had to resort to a wood fire to boil water for breakfast. We were woefully under prepared; the person who was *supposed* to bring matches didn’t, so we were in trouble when the lighter melted! After breakfast Tuesday we lived on power bars, trail mix, and jerky until we reached civilization on Wednesday afternoon. Here are a couple of my favorite pictures from Tuesday:

Me crossing Rush Creek:

posing by the “no fires over10,000 feet” sign:

Thousand Island Lake:

favorite spot (so far) on the John Muir Trail, between the 10,000 feet sign and Thousand Island Lake:

We didn’t discover our lack of matches until we set up camp Tuesday evening. Two of the guys in the group spent hours trying to start a fire by rubbing sticks together while I laughed hysterically.

We returned to civilization Wednesday following the River Trail to Agnew Meadow. We shortened the trip by 7-8 miles due to the injured knee and lack of fire (ie, food). I’ve already decided where I want to go next: I want to start at Agnew Meadow, take the Pacific Crest Trail to Thousand Island Lake, and do the rest of the original trip which was the John Muir Trail down to Reds Meadow. Next time!

Thursday we drove the Tioga Road through Yosemite and I finally got to see Yosemite Valley. Words are so inadequate when it comes to Yosemite.

All told we hiked 28 miles during the trip and I managed to escape with only five mosquito bites (which is impressive considering I ended up with 26 when I went to Tahoe…).

I’d better end this now or it will never get posted. Hopefully my life will settle down soon and I can resume some normal posting. I did do some stitching in the car so I’ll take pictures of that soon.

Still Alive

2006-08-01T13:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was joint counseling session #2. It was rough. We have been arguing a lot more lately than we used to and there was a considerable amount of tension while we were at counseling. I feel like he’s barely making a half-hearted attempt at change and doesn’t take this seriously. We don’t listen to each other but only hear what we think the other is saying, apparently. It’s exhausting.

I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to make that next step, to talk to a lawyer and find out what to expect and start the process, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. I want to so badly but it is HARD.

I have actually been stitching again though, which is good. Luke and I rode up with my dad to Tahoe for a few days last weekend. I worked on Noah’s Sub for about 8 hours in the car on the way up and worked another 8 hours on Alpine Seasons on the ride back.

Tahoe was a fabulous trip; I have severely neglected my transfer of photos from camera to computer but hopefully I’ll remedy that soon and can share pictures from the trip.

Two weeks from now I will be backpacking along the John Muir Trail, southeast of Yosemite. I can’t wait. So far this week I’ve had pink eye, a sinus cold, fights with the husband, unpleasantness at counseling, and wretched female problems. Oh yeah, and it rained. Ugh. I’m ready for this week to be over and the next week to start. My brother his coming down this weekend and has agreed to watch Luke Saturday morning so I can go on a 10.5 mile hike to prepare for the trip. Thankfully I’ll be able to wear my contacts again then; I am sick of my glasses (today is day #4 of 7).

Rivendell!

2006-07-14T10:24:00.000-07:00

Awhile back I joined in this whole "walk to Rivendell" thing. I'm sure if you're a stitcher and you visit the Wagon or one of the other stitching BB's then you've heard of it. Last night I logged the final mile (and two more). 458 miles since October 17th of last year. I'm continuing on to Lothlorien next and then the rest of the way beyond that. It is another 462 miles to Lothlorien so I've got 460 left.

I do have some more good news: I'm going backpacking in Yosemite in August!! I'll be going with three other people. We're planning to do the 32 miles stretch of the John Muir Trail from Tuolomne Meadows Ranger Station to Devil's Postpile. In 3 days. The trip starts at 8700' and the trail includes the 11,050' Donahue Pass. I'm not nearly in good enough shape for it yet but I have one month (from yesterday) to get there. I have always wanted to go to Yosemite; I love traveling and outdoor activities like hiking, camping, etc and have lived in California nearly my entire life. I find it shameful that I've never been there. My dad says I was there as a small child but if I don't remember it then it doesn't count. We'll be spending one day in the valley (along with how many thousands of other people?). With everything else that is going on in my life I am thrilled to be able to look forward to something for a change.

I'm driving up to Camarillo tonight since my best friend's son's christening is tomorrow. Any idea what you're supposed to get someone as a christening gift? While I'm not Catholic (she is) I have still been designated as a godparent and I have no idea what that really entails. This is the same friend for whom I made the christening gown. Any advice on that would be great, thanks.

Counseling

2006-07-10T16:09:00.000-07:00

We had our first joint counseling session today. I don't know yet how effective it will be but I'll give it a chance before giving up completely; I do largely feel like I'm done but I do think I should at least give the counseling a chance. I honestly don't think that he can really change but maybe he'll prove me wrong. One chance though and that's it; I'm not going to stick with this for years if there isn't a drastic improvement right away. I have very little hope after yesterday; he spent the entire day on the couch in front of the tv (asleep about half the time) except for the 3 hour gap when we went out to lunch and to see the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie. How can a person spend an entire day, every week, in front of the tv doing nothing?! I just do not understand it and it really makes me angry. The counselor really seemed to understand that I feel there's a lack of participation and partnership on his part and we are focusing on that to start.

Pirates was okay; I much preferred the first one but it was still alright. At least the theater was air conditioned (as opposed to home).

Well I know this is short but that's all I've got at the moment. I am emotionally exhausted right now but I'm managing somehow.

An Update

2006-06-28T12:25:00.000-07:00

Well I survived the trip to Myrtle Beach, though it was rather uncomfortable for me. For those who didn't know, it is Jay's annual family trip with his siblings, parents, cousins, etc. For a whole week. This is the 6th year I've gone. I brought some work with me and walked on the beach a lot but the week dragged on so slowly and I felt awkward and awful the whole time. We haven't told his family anything yet; he is still holding out hope that I will change my mind but honestly at this point I don't know if he could say or do anything to make that happen. He did actually play with Luke on the trip instead of abandoning us to play golf every single day, for a change.

I am so emotionally drained; he goes back and forth between being angry at me to being sad to being determined to "make it work". I never know what I'll be facing when I see him at home or when he calls at work. I just want it all to be over but I know that there is a long drawn-out process looming in the future and it is especially daunting at times. I am worried about custody and hoping like mad that I can afford to buy him out of the townhome. He has stated numerous times that he doesn't like the area where we live and he doesn't want to stay there.

Since I have made the decision, though, I have felt at peace for the first time in years. That doesn't mean I am happy about it, because I am not. It's a horrible decision to make and I feel so guilty about it. I just cannot stay the way things are, though, and I fear that I have so much resentment built up that I wouldn't be able to stay even if there was change. I haven't started the process yet; it is so hard to make that first step. At least we've talked about it some now so it is in his head and we're past that initial shock. I know that things will get better eventually but knowing how much worse they'll be between now and then is hard.

I haven't stitched must in the past couple weeks; for the first time in over 6 years I just haven't felt motivated. It's wierd.

Well, so that's how things are with me. Work is busy, which is good. At least my mind is occupied throughout the day. I have found that my friends are amazing and I am truly blessed in that regard. I know that I can get through this all but the road ahead is not an easy one. I will likely be posting sporadically, if at all, but I'll be checking my e-mail and ezinbox at least. It's just hard to know what to say or how to contribute to normal conversations when my life is so upside down right now.

Drama

2006-06-12T22:22:00.000-07:00

Thank you all for the kind thoughts and helpful comments. Please know that even if I haven't e-mailed you personally I have appreciated each and every one.

I had planned to wait to say anything to Jay until after the beach, really I did. But when he called Friday night and was homesick and saying how much he missed us, something just snapped in me. I told him it was nice to hear and that I hoped that meant he was willing to go to counseling with me when he got home. Why I couldn't just keep my mouth shut and wait to say it I will never know. He said that he knew where this was going, that this is how it always starts, and that he'll go to counseling but he's not going to change.

He hung up on me and then called back a little bit later and said "you hateful bitch I'll never let you take my son from me" etc etc, and that he would fight "to the death" over it. He said a few more horrible things and then hung up on me. I tried calling him back and he wouldn't answer so I called a friend. Then he called back and we talked for awhile. It was horrible. I told him that when I said counseling I didn't mean I wanted a divorce but that I have been miserable and things need to change. He said that it "wasn't his responsibility to make me happy" or something like that. I'm not looking for him to "make" me happy; I'm pretty happy with most of the other aspects of my life. I'm looking for a partner and a companion and someone to share my life with. I absolutely do not have that. I am just as alone with him here as I am when he's gone but it took this trip for me to realize that.

He just does not get it and that conversation ended with me feeling drained and trapped. He said he would never divorce me and take Luke but that if I tried to do that to him he would fight it. I never said I wanted to take Luke from him, in fact I never said I wanted a divorce but at this point I can't see any other option if he isn't willing to change. Of course why would he want to leave; I make a good salary and I do the housework and all the finances and I take care of Luke almost by myself. He's got a pretty sweet deal I suppose.

Well, after that conversation, I called my dad and sobbed hysterically into my cell phone, eventually causing it to short circuit. It was a horrible night; I didn't sleep at all and I kept checking my phone throughout the night to see if it was working again. Finally it worked around 7:30am and I had 6 messages. One from my poor dad who was up until 3am waiting for me to call back. One was a hang up and the other four were from Jay, ranging from him saying he was sure there had to be more to it and was I seeing someone else (um, no) to others with him apologizing and still others wth him saying I was really mean (I guess for not answering the phone?). I called him as soon as my phone dried out and said I hadn't been avoiding him but that my phone was messed up. We quasi-made up and I have been as nice as possible on the phone since then so that he can finish his training without worrying about it. He comes home tomorrow, though, and I am dreading it. I just cannot stay in this marriage but the prospect of divorce and everything that goes along with it is extremely daunting. I never dreamed he would make it ugly or horrible; after all he never wanted us to be married in the first place.

He said so many times that we should never have been together, and he's right. But really, as a scared, pregnant 21 year old, what was I supposed to want? I believed that if I loved him enough it would work. I didn't realize what I was getting into. I just wanted my child to have a regular family. Of course he wouldn't even agree to get married until Luke was almost 1 and then it was only because I had done a rough figuring of our taxes and told him he either had to go back to work to pay the taxes or get married. He had been a SAHD (though he stopped working and was living a party life off of stock money before I even got pregnant but that's another rant) and it made a big difference in our taxes that year.

There were so many times early in our relationship (and later on too) where I should have left and I didn't. I don't know why; I guess I still thought I could make it work. The thing is, a marriage is between two people. If one of the people doesn't care and doesn't try to contribute to the marriage, well, it's a lot for one person to bear.

Everything in our marriage (well and our relationship before we were married) has been a battle and I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of being the one to compromise and I'm tired of being alone. I don't think it should have to be this hard. I never ever dreamed that I would even think about getting a divorce but I don't see it heading any other direction. If he truly won't change then I am done. It breaks my heart to do this to Luke, but I am so afraid that if I stay in this marriage I will end up like my mother. She stayed with my father for a long time and was miserable and was so bitter and angry and always put me in the middle. I don't want to do that to Luke or to myself. Maybe she'd be a happier person if she'd left when she knew it was over instead of staying for so many years "for the kids". I know that as long as I stay I am the "good" one, the martyr, as I do all the work and Jay doesn't. That's exactly what my mom did and I want to break that cycle. I have to break that cycle. I hope Luke will understand someday and forgive me.

Change?

2006-06-06T14:52:00.000-07:00

Do you ever reach a point in your life where you feel that some sort of change is imminent? I can’t put my finger on it but I feel like I am on the brink of something. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because the thought of things continuing just how they are is unbearable or maybe it’s because something is going to change in the near future but I don’t know what it is yet. I’ve had times throughout my life where it’s almost like I can see something before it happens. I guess that sounds weird; I don’t mean I can see things like a vision but it’s more of a strong feeling. Conversely I’ve had plans to do something in the past but it felt like it was something that wouldn’t really happen because I couldn’t “see” it and whatever it was didn’t happen after all. I know it sounds silly; maybe I’m just thinking too much or wanting a change so much that I can see it in my mind.

I have been really out of sorts lately, for multiple reasons. I’m still really upset about the clergy change at church. This Sunday is the Sr. Pastor’s last Sunday. It really sucks. There is a special service in the afternoon so I anticipate I’ll be at the church most of the day. I’ll be getting together with some other stitchers this Saturday afternoon and I’m planning to go hiking that morning. The hiking is a good thing; I’m down to my post-Luke low weight as of yesterday. It feels great to get outside; Luke is really enjoying the time outdoors too. Considering how much time his dad spends in front of the television I’m greatly relieved to see that Luke prefers to play creatively in his room or outside. I never really watched much tv as a kid myself.

I’ve complained about my marriage before in my blog; a big part of why I haven’t posted much lately is that I don’t want to be complaining all the time. It isn’t that things are particularly bad right now; I mean we aren’t fighting or anything. I was reading through old journals last night and really it has been a lot worse. I still can’t figure out why the heck I stayed through all of that; I was such a naïve idiot. Anyway, Jay quit his last two jobs without finding a new job first and I was furious about it. This last time was especially bad because he’d been complaining about his job for two months before he quit and I’d told him I didn’t care if he changed jobs but to find another one first. Of course he didn’t; he just let things go until he reached a breaking point and quit. I can’t understand it. He did find another job with just a couple days inbetween, but it just as easily could have not worked out. I feel like he just doesn’t take things seriously and that he is irresponsible. I get really tired of making the bulk of our income and doing all the work around the house. I really don’t get how someone can spend so much time in front of the television. It seems that’s all he does except go to work and play golf.

We always used to fight about how we wanted different things in life. I know we wouldn’t be together now if we didn’t have Luke but sometimes I wonder if having Luke is enough common ground. He used to go on and on about how we were incompatible. Well it took me awhile but I do agree now. I just don’t know what to do about it at this point. Are Luke, church, my stitching, and friends enough to make up for what is missing? And I wonder what will happen when he gets tired of his new job. He’s okay now because it’s new and different but what will happen in a few months, or a year? Or two? I want to move into an actual house with a yard but his income is not something I can count on since it has fluctuated so much. I want to have another child and he will not yield on that. All he wants to do is sit in front of the tv in his own little world. I am tired of not having a *partner* or someone to share my interests with. Surely this isn’t the way that marriage is supposed to be, but it is the marriage that I have. I just don’t know if I can keep doing this.

He is out of town training for his new job until the 13th. I think I really needed this time to myself to sort things out. I can’t figure out what the right decision is; there isn’t an easy answer. I don’t know if it is easier to stay or to leave and I don’t know what is best for Luke. Is this really the example I want him to see for a father and husband? But do I really want to break up his family? I don’t know what I want. I know that we need to talk about it and I’m planning to have that conversation when we get back from Myrtle Beach at the end of the month.

So that’s what has been on my mind lately. And maybe it’s obvious now why I feel that some sort of change has got to happen. I just want to make sure that whatever I decide is the right decision this time. I don’t have the best track-record when it comes to decision making.

Hiking and Whatnot

2006-05-26T13:12:00.001-07:00

I know I haven’t updated my blog in awhile. I just haven’t known what to say. I’m pretty happy at work right now; I have several projects going and it’s stressful but it’s busy and interesting. Luke has finished soccer and the bell choir has stopped for the summer so I am starting to have some free time again. I'm still upset about the pastor leaving at church but it doesn't look like that's going to change so I guess it's time to accept it. It sucks though.

A few weeks ago I started hiking with a friend of mine from work. He lives pretty close by and every time I bring up hiking to Jay he laughs at me because he has no interest in it (or camping) whatsoever. I decided this year that I am done not doing things just because Jay won’t do them with me. As I said in an e-mail earlier today I am not going to miss out on things in life because he wants to sit around and watch tv whenever he isn’t working (or golfing). He doesn't seem to care if I do stuff on my own so I guess it works out. I decided the same thing about church last year, but church I can attend alone. I am not comfortable hiking alone; it just doesn’t seem worth the risk. Hiking with a friend has been great; my weight is going down and it is really therapeutic to spend some time outdoors since I’m behind a computer most of the day. I’ve had a lot on my mind lately and being tired at the end of the day makes it a little easier to get to sleep though that has never been easy for me.

We took Luke hiking the other day; he did three miles and there were only a couple of parts where he was scared because it was narrow or overgrown. Hopefully we can take Luke again this weekend at some point since it is a three day weekend. Luke seems to enjoy hiking although I get tired of “what plant is this?” questions. I am not a botanist and I don’t have a clue most of the time!

I’ve been steadily working on Noah’s Sub. I hope to take a new picture soon and post it. I have been extremely remiss in posting pictures lately. I was going through old photos at home the other night and it made me realize that I need to start getting prints made of my digital photos. I don’t think I’ve gotten any prints made since I got my digital Elph last August.

Well, that’s about it for my “I’m alive” post. I’ve seen a lot of updated templates lately on other blogs and I’ve been trying to decide what to do with mine. Any suggestions?

The Coolest Thing Ever

2006-05-11T09:59:00.000-07:00

I’ve been feeling down lately; I’m really frustrated with my husband and work is stressful. Rather than dwell on these feelings, though, I’m going to post something that makes me laugh.This link here is one of the coolest things I have ever seen.

See, we have cats. Three cats. I grew up with cats but they were always indoor cats. In yet another example of how my opinion does not seem to matter in my marriage (bad Jill, I said I wasn’t going to go there…) I got overruled and these cats are allowed to go in and out through a cat door. Since it wasn’t my idea and I fought it, well, I’ve made Jay take care of animal carcasses whenever he has been home but I have had to box up two lizards when he hasn’t been home.

I really don’t enjoy the feeling of wondering what I will find each time I return home and open the front door. Our cats have brought home some interesting things in the roughly 8-9 months that they’ve been allowed to go outside. Here is a comprehensive list to date: Felix has brought home 6 birds (2 lived, 3 died, 1 we aren’t sure because all we saw were feathers in and the house and in his tail…), a grasshopper, a paper towel, and a partially eaten burrito. Abby has brought home 3 lizards (2 of which survived the experience). Oscar has brought home a twig with leaves on it (that cat is seriously not right; we were home and got to witness this one and it was hilarious). We have also found a nasty rag and a dog bone but we aren’t sure of the culprit in those cases.

I’m sure I could rig up something similar but I don’t have the facial recognition software nor do I have a spare door that can be used just for the cats. I just love this idea, though. Be sure to check out this page specifically.

I suppose I should be thankful that we have only encountered birds, lizards, and the burrito; my co-worker went home the other day to discover a dead baby bunny waiting for him, compliments of his cat. So, I guess, things could always be worse...

And Hell Freezes Over...

2006-05-08T15:37:00.000-07:00

I dropped my phone yesterday; not just a minor drop but a major-phone-bouncing-down-the-gutter sort of drop. This morning I realized it has a crack and every time I open it (it's a flip phone) I hear a creaking sound. I finally broke down and bought a new one at lunch. I say "bought" but it will end up costing -$10 when I get the rebate. I'm so annoyed though because it is impossible to get a non-camera phone. I swore I would never get a camera phone (hence the post title here) but it was either a camera phone or a much more expensive phone with an extremely short battery life. Camera phone it is. I've managed to figure out how to use it already; it's a little different but it will do I suppose. Certainly can't beat the price.

I took Luke to Sea World on Saturday where he came down with the stomach flu and proceeded to throw up every 20 minutes for the next 7 hours (including twice in the car on the way home...sigh). The day started off well, though; he scored three goals at soccer and was so happy! Sunday I went hiking with a friend from work and managed to get in 6.5 miles total. We're planning to start hiking regularly which will be fun since Jay laughs at me whenever I suggest it. I did have to go into work last night after dinner for a few hours though. I need a break!

Well, it's a short post today but at least it's a post. Someday I'll transfer pictures from my camera to my computer again then I'll have some more interesting posts.

Workin' on a Sunday

2006-04-30T15:38:00.000-07:00

Since we were skiing in Mammoth on Monday and Tuesday I'm making up time at work on a Sunday afternoon. I'm exhausted and my house is a hideous wreck, but the trip was great. It was probably the last time we'll get to go skiing until next winter since a trip to the southern hemisphere is out of the question (though we did look at flights to Buenos Aires since it's a short hop from there to Las Lenas...). Even if we had the money I don't think I could get the additional time off work since we're already going to Myrtle Beach for a week in June and I'll be taking a few days to go see my dad's side of the family in July up in Tahoe.

We did have car trouble on the way home; we have been plagued by vehicular challenges this winter when we drive to go skiing! The alternator was problematic and we got (briefly) stranded in Kramer Junction (a truck stop on the 395). Fortunately we got a jump and made it home, but Luke had a panicked moment where he asked if we would make it home! Poor kid; the first time we drove to go skiing this year we get in a wreck and the car gets totaled. This time we get stranded. I bet next winter he'll request that we only go skiing in places to which we can fly since there was no such trouble in Jackson!

Skiing was fabulous, even if the conditions were definitely "spring". Luke had some trouble when we first took him mid-mountain; it was still a green run but it was a bit more difficult than the beginner section where he'd been. By the end of the second day we had him happily going mid-mountain and we even took him down a blue run. Granted it was the easiest blue run on the mountain, but still! Progress!

I got in a little late today because I took a detour to buy a piano. A friend's husband sells pianos and he gave me a fabulous deal on a used piano. I think it was this one (that or the 245; I'll know for sure tomorrow when it is delivered). I haven't played in years but I used to be fairly good. I can't wait to play again!

I went to a stitching get-together yesterday up at Sue's house. It was great fun; I never can believe how quickly the time passes at these things! I rode up with Nancy and we took our boys with us. They were great and played with Debi's daughter which meant I actually got some stitching done in brief bits between looking at everyone's work.

I haven't been walking at all since we've been home. This week has been so busy between recovering from the trip, soccer, and church activities. I'll be working some late hours this week to try and make up for the trip but I don't mind. Except for the drama at church life is good right now!

Checking In

2006-04-20T13:14:00.000-07:00

How many times can I use “I’m still here” as an introduction to my blog entry? There is just so much going on right now. Work is busy which I don’t mind. Well, except for the fact that we are leaving Sunday after church to spend two days skiing in Mammoth. Yes, Mammoth, where there was an avalanche earlier this week and some ski patrol members died in a geothermic vent at the beginning of the month. I won’t be going off the top of the mountain or even going up past mid-mountain so I’m not too worried about it. I’m really excited that I get to go skiing once last time before the end of the season. There’s a chance of snow Friday and Saturday so I’m hoping for some cold temperatures!

On the stitching front I finished Tulip Time again, this time as designed. I intend to put it in the recommended frame and bring it to work once I find some fusible interfacing. I’m back to Chatelaine’s Alpine Seasons. I’ve been working on it again for the past 8-10 days; parts 6-9 are going to take forever. I’m not even half done with part 6.

Easter was wonderful for the most part; I had forgotten how much I loved singing in the choir. I will never be a soloist but I am so thankful to have a good enough voice to sing in the choir. I have also decided to buy a piano in the near future. I’ve been waiting until I could buy a “real house” but I’m tired of waiting. It won’t be a big fancy piano but I’ll find a decent upright. I have played piano since I was nine and I can’t wait to start back up again.

There has been a lot of turmoil at church recently as this group of people on some board have gone to the Bishop (I didn’t even know there was a Bishop in the Methodist Church, but apparently that’s how it’s structured) to get our pastor moved. He is wonderful and charismatic and this all happened behind the congregation’s back against our wishes. It’s such a mess. This sort of thing is a big part of why I took my time finding a new church home. I hate this crap. I am so devastated that the Sr. Pastor and his wife will be moving. They are both wonderful people who have made me, and everyone I know, feel so welcome there. I knew that there would be spiritual warfare in my life when I made the choice to go back to church but I didn’t foresee it happening so quickly. Anyway this has consumed a lot of my emotion energy and I just feel drained. I’m not planning to leave the church but I’m going to do what I can to effect change. I guess a lot of people have been content to sit back and not get involved so hopefully this will spur them to participate in the church somehow. I don’t feel comfortable getting involved in church leadership yet since I’m so new but I’m involved in as many ways as I can be and I don’t rule it out down the road.

So that’s what I’ve been up to. I’m happy to say I’ve been walking a lot more regularly with Nancy (nkuelbs for those of you on Legacy or in an exchange/round robin). We usually do 4 miles at a minimum and I love it! It goes so much faster when you have someone interesting to walk with. Being able to talk about stitching doesn’t hurt either. I’m now up to 292 miles on my “way to Rivendell”. I’ve passed the halfway point at last!

I’ll try to share pictures of the two Tulip Time finishes and I’ll take a picture of Alpine Seasons once I get some more done on part 6. I am hoping to get a fair bit of stitching done on Sunday since we’ll be in the car for several hours on our way to Mammoth. I haven’t decided yet if I’ll just work on Alpine or start something a little more portable. Either way I hope to have something to show for it when I get home!

I'm still here...

2006-04-06T10:43:00.000-07:00

I’ve had so many different things I have wanted to write about lately but between vacation and craziness at work I’ve been unable to make the time to do so. I’ve barely even stitched since I’ve been home, though I did finish Just Nan’s Tulip Time (a modified version) for Laura’s quilt. I started it unaltered for myself but have barely put any stitches in at all. In fact most of my stitching on the first one was accomplished at the airport or on the plane during vacation.

Jackson, Wyoming was amazing. I can’t think of the last time I went somewhere and instantly fell in love with a place to the point that I looked at property and wished I could somehow eek out a living. Unfortunately the prices are at least as bad as San Diego and industry is, well, slim at best. It was the first time I’ve seriously thought about leaving California. I love living in California and of course I enjoy the temperate climate here. I just never really thought seriously about moving and, although I don’t foresee it happening in the near future, I have a different outlook on the subject now.

It was a wonderful vacation, though too short. Luke and I skied for three consecutive days and it’s amazing how well he progressed. I think with one more trip his skill will surpass mine, although that doesn’t say much. I did take a class where we went down blue runs at Jackson Hole but I had some difficulty at Grand Targhee (where we went the third day) since it was snowy and poorly marked and their idea of blue is different from anything I’ve seen! Wonderful snow, though. We drove through Idaho to get there, going over the Teton Pass. Luke had a rough time on the drive and we had to stop at a gas station to get him some cold water and a bathroom break so I get to officially add Idaho to the list of states I’ve visited, though it was a brief visit.

We have decided to take one last ski trip before the season ends. We had discussed the possibility of going up to Big Bear with some friends but in light of the 75” of snow Mammoth has received this week we’ve decided to go there instead. We’re going up Sunday the 23rd (after church), skiing Monday and Tuesday, and driving back Tuesday night. I’ll be tired Wednesday but it will be worth it.

On a completely different note I drove on a preschool field trip this morning; Luke’s class sang songs at a local retirement home. It always makes me sad to go there, and a little frightened. I know I’ll get old eventually barring any sort of catastrophe, and I don’t mind the idea of getting old and looking different or having limited mobility (as long as I can still stitch!). The thing that scares me is the idea of losing my mental capacity. It doesn’t run in my family on either side, thank goodness, but it is such a frightening prospect that I can barely think about it. I also feel so sad that the people there seem so lonely and it makes me miss my grandmother who I don’t get to see very often. We should really make more of an effort to get up and see her even if it is a horrid drive.

Well I suppose I’ve taken longer than I should to write this. I’m really busy and will be through at least the end of April (more likely through the end of May). It’s better to be busy than bored, though. At least I no longer feel like I’m sitting around waiting for things to happen in my life. I’ve felt that way for so long and, ever since I joined the church and got involved, I haven’t felt that way. It isn’t just the church though that’s a big part of it. Luke has a lot of activities and I’ve made some good stitching friends with whom I meet regularly. Life is just good right now. Sure I’d like to have a bigger house and another child but I’m trying to be happy with what I have and live my life rather than sitting around waiting for things to happen and it certainly seems to be a better approach.

Christening Gown Pics

2006-03-28T09:21:00.000-08:00

I leave for Jackson Hole this afternoon so I dumped my SD card last night to have room in my camera. Here are the pictures of the finished stitching and the Christening Gown finished as a gown. I started the stitching January 17th and finished it March 13th. I don't usually use the large size photos but I feel it's necessary for this one; just click on the picture to see it larger:

I have been working on Chatelaine's Alpine Seasons since I finished the gown; here is my progress through part 5:

I started Just Nan's Tulip Time for Laura's quilt last night; I'm taking it on the trip and I'm taking another piece of fabric for it so I can stitch it for myself on linen once I finish hers.

Well, that's all I have time to post. I'll write again once I'm home from skiing!

So Busy...

2006-03-20T17:10:00.000-08:00

I finished the Christening Gown a week ago and have taken pictures but haven’t yet had time to transfer them from my camera to computer. Soon, very soon… I drove up to Camarillo Friday to get things ready for Maya’s baby shower on Saturday. I bought fabric, ribbon, buttons, etc for the Christening Gown and my mom started sewing. At 10:30pm she said that she thought there was a stitch missing. I discovered, in horror, that she had sewn the gown with the wrong side facing out! I guess it’s a compliment, in a way, right? She woke up early (being a morning person and all, 10:30pm is pretty late for her) and fixed it and it was ready to go for the shower.

The baby shower itself was fine. It was fun to see some people I hadn’t seen since her wedding and bachelorette party. Since the shower was at noon we decided to make it a potluck. One of the ladies who attended the shower brought this incredible pesto pasta dish with toasted pine nuts. She has since e-mailed me the recipe and I’m planning to make it this week if I can find the time.

Work is crazy right now; the next two months I don’t expect I’ll be online much. I’ll still try to update when I can, but I will likely be working some extra hours trying to get everything done. Friday it was decided that we would be doing a new project and the design effort is pretty extensive considering how little time we have to get it done. I am still going to Jackson Hole next week but I will be bringing the laptop. It isn’t such a bad thing, though; I’ll be able to make up some hours which is good. I had to use an extra day last week because I had the stomach flu, ugh.

Well, that’s all I have time to post for now. I will try to get pictures of the Christening Gown up soon. I also finished part 5 of Chatelaine’s Alpine Seasons so I’ll post that soon also. Oh yeah, and I’ve reach 210.5 miles on my “way to Rivendell”.

New Stitching Friends...in real life?!

2006-03-08T16:00:00.000-08:00

Last Sunday was the first time that the bell choir played at church since I joined. I was aghast to discover that we had to be there at 8am so that we could practice for 15 minutes and then sit around for another 45 minutes while the praise band used the sanctuary. Seeing that I had no choice in the matter, I decided to make the best of it and brought the christening gown with me. Gosh I had no idea what I would be starting.

I pulled it out at 8:15 and, after we were chastised for being “loud” while the praise band practiced (right, because they were soooo quiet while we practiced but oh well) I moved to the cry room with half the bell choir. Some of them were curious about what I was working on, one girl my age used to stitch and has now been enticed back into it again, and two ladies (a mother and daughter) have been stitching for years. They decided while I was in the second service to meet an hour early at practice on Tuesday and bring their stitching. So that’s what we did! I brought the christening gown (which is so close to being done!) and we stitched and chatted for an hour before practice. The two ladies who have been stitching for awhile, I’ll call them J and K, used to shop at my favorite LNS that closed last year. K brought a Silver Lining flower and J is working on TW’s Fruit Bellpull. I am planning to corrupt M (the new stitcher) with a trip up to the new (to me) LNS at some point soon.

It occurred to me today that this is the first time I’ve met stitching friends “in real life” as opposed to over the internet. I have made several stitching friends online that have become friends IRL. I am so thrilled!

Well, I have to go pick up Luke and take him to soccer practice. Thank goodness it decided not to rain after all. I’ll be stitching at practice; maybe I’ll meet someone else who stitches there.

Soccer and Lent

2006-03-01T14:09:00.000-08:00

I have been so busy lately that I haven’t had much time to update my blog. Last Sunday I officially joined the church I’ve been attending for the last four months; Hope United Methodist in Rancho Bernardo. It feels like I am “home”. I have thrown myself into a variety of activities and foresee some pretty full weeks in my future. Tuesdays are handbell practice. Wednesdays are a weekly Bible study group. Choir practice is on Thursday, as is the turbo kickboxing class which I attend. I also acquiesced and signed Luke up for soccer this week; his first practice is this afternoon so Wednesdays will be busy, as well as Saturday morning games. I am really content though in a way that I have not been, well, ever. I have felt for so long like I was waiting for something to happen in my life and so many pieces have come together recently. I even met a friend at church who lives nearby and wants to get together to go hiking regularly and she and I are the same age. Life is good!

Having been raised Baptist, the concept of Lent is relatively new to me personally. My best friend (the one for whom I am stitching the Christening Gown, and I thank you all for your kind comments on the progress!) is Catholic so I knew *of* Lent of course, but it wasn’t really observed in the Baptist church where I grew up. The pastor at Hope UMC stressed that is isn’t just about giving up some thing that you enjoy but about giving up something that gets in the way of things that are really important and replacing it with something meaningful. I don’t know what I’m going to do, or if I’m going to do anything particular. I’ve made a number of changes in my life recently and I think if I can maintain them then I’m in pretty good shape.

I’ve been trying to stay on track with exercising to prepare for our ski trip. It is so hard to make time for everything, but I’m doing pretty well on that front. I’m at 181.5 miles on my “way to Rivendell”. I took Luke to the Wild Animal Park on Saturday (where we walked what I estimated to be 3 miles total) and then we went to the mall on the way home. Robinsons-May is closing since they’ve been bought by Macy’s so I bought some new dresses in yet another size smaller. I actually had to go get a smaller size, and I thought the first size might be too small so that was great. One of them is a killer dress which I may wear to my high school reunion in October. Luke got a cookie at Mrs. Fields so it was a good trip to the mall for both of us.

I’d been meaning to write about the Olympics but I never really found the time. Luke has really enjoyed them, especially the skiing and snowboarding. He spends a lot of time “skiing” and “snowboarding” using pieces of wood in the backyard. When we bought his soccer gear Monday night we bought a pair of ski poles for $2.90 on clearance. I thought they were a steal at the $4.47 marked price. He has been pretending to ski downhill ever since. I may still write an entry related to the Olympics, or not if I don’t have time. I had a few things to say on the subject, but I don’t have time to get into it now.

Post-Olympic Progress

2006-02-27T12:53:00.000-08:00

I just have a quick moment to post before I get back to work. I haven't finished the Christening Gown yet, but I made substantial progress while watching the olympics. Here is the pic as it stands now.

Four Things

2006-02-21T11:02:00.000-08:00

Susan tagged me last week and I’ve finally gotten around to filling it out. I’m not tagging anyone since this one has been around for awhile now!

I went to a GTG at Terri’s this weekend where I got to see some people I haven’t seen in a few years and even got to meet a couple new people. I’ll probably post more about that later. I had been sick and clearly overexerted myself on Saturday. I also tweaked my lower back somehow, though it’s pretty much better now. I slept most of the day yesterday and did manage to get some cutting and weaving done in the Christening Gown. I seem to be on a roll with it; it will likely not be done by the time the Olympics are over, but I have a good chance of finishing it before the baby shower. Thanks for all the nice comments on it, by the way. Okay, here is the meme:

4 Things Meme

Four jobs I’ve had:
1.McDonald’s employee (part time during high school)
2. Jewelry store employee (also high school; I got to pierce ears)
3. Lab Assistant studying the solar wind (college)
4. Electrical Engineer

Four movies I can watch over and over
1. Lord of the Rings (all 3)
2.Dangerous Beauty
3. Harry Potter (any/all of them)
4. Ever After

Four Places I’ve lived
1. Ridgecrest, California
2.San Jose, California
3. Camarillo, California
4. San Diego, California

Four TV Shows I love
1. Las Vegas
2. Desparate Housewives
3. Entourage
4. The Amazing Race

Four Places I’ve vacationed
1. Paris, France
2. Hawaii
3. Myrtle Beach, SC
4. Mammoth, CA

Four of my favorite dishes
1. Cashew Chicken at the local Thai restaurant
2. My mom’s homemade tacos
3. Steak at Saska’s
4. Swedish Pancakes

Four sites I visit daily
1. the Chatelaine BB
2. The Wagon
3. The Eowyn Challenge site
4. CNN

Four places I would rather be right now
1. at home sleeping
2. in Jackson Hole skiing, where we’ll be next month!!
3. on vacation at some exotic location
4. Paris

A Quick Pic

2006-02-15T17:47:00.000-08:00

I know that Susan has tagged me and I'll try to do that soon. :) This is just a quick post with a picture of the Christening Gown as it stands now. I started it January 17th. Maya's baby shower is March 18th (she's actually due towards the end of May) and I'd like to finish it by the shower but I don't know if it will happen.

A Week Later

2006-02-14T15:47:00.000-08:00

I didn’t post last week because I was in a pretty bad mood and was never really motivated. I also wasn’t ready to post anything after the entry about Laura. There was something going on at work that was really upsetting to me, but I’m distracted with other things now, which is another reason why I haven’t written. It has been busy both at work and at home and I’ve had little spare time.

We have been watching the Olympics, of course. It is pretty spectacular with the hi-def TV and all. Well, when the signal isn’t screwed up like it was on Saturday. I’ve been working on the Christening Gown non-stop and will post the pre-Olympics pic that I took soon. I have another day or two worth of eyelets and then I finally get to move on to the cutting/weaving part. I started it January 17th and am trying to finish by March 18th for the baby shower, but it is admittedly a stretch.

Last night we decided, after our non-Valentine’s Day dinner at Outback, to go to Jackson Hole after all. We changed the dates slightly and it ended up being $422 per person for airfare and four nights at the Snow King. We leave March 28th so I have until then to really get in shape. I’d like to ski multiple days this trip and finally move on to intermediate level skiing. I think I’m going to take a full day class that focuses on transitioning from green to blue runs. I won’t improve if I don’t push myself, as I’ve found in other contexts. Now I have to head down to REI soon and get suitable apparel for myself and Luke.

The weather here has been hot and dry (mid-80’s the past few days) and I feel like crap. I can’t tell if it is allergies from the Santa Ana winds, irritation from the lack of humidity, or if I am indeed coming down with something. I was suspicious today that I may actually be sick because I am so damn tired, but that may be due to the fact that I’ve been staying up too late watching the Olympics.

Well, that’s how things are here. Having the trip to look forward to has raised my spirits. Being outside all day Saturday (Legoland) was good also. My house is a wreck though since it was thoroughly neglected this past weekend. Monday is a holiday so maybe I can get caught up then.

Laura

2006-02-06T09:19:00.000-08:00

As most everyone in the stitching community knows by now (or has even blogged about by now) Laura passed away on Friday. She and I had only gotten to know each other these last few months. I read her blog every day, and we had started commenting back and forth. I made the last comment at her last post and there is so much more I would have said if I'd known it was the last one I would ever make.

She was about my age and we had several things in common. I grieve her passing far more than I ever could have known I would. I had always hoped to meet her "in real life" one of these days since I have family in the Seattle area. I can't believe it will never happen now.

I have thought so many times about what to say and there aren't words enough to convey how I really feel. My heart goes out to her husband, Neil, as well as my prayers.

I have re-typed this post so many times and can't seem to get it right. I know that you all know what I mean.

Weekend Happenings

2006-01-30T11:47:00.000-08:00

It was a really busy weekend, even though we didn’t have any real plans ahead of time. Pilates kicked my butt on Saturday; it was a great workout but my neck is still screwed up enough that I can’t do everything (and yes, we are filing an injury claim, though I was loathe to do so originally). I had a nice relaxing time in the jacuzzi afterwards which was divine.

Saturday Luke’s friend from preschool, Veronica (who lives down the street) came over with her dad and they rode their scooters and bikes for awhile and then her parents hung out at our house for awhile while the kids played. It was a nice afternoon; I don’t have a lot of friends my age with kids and her mom is only a couple years older than I am. She likes to hike too so maybe we can start taking the kids hiking occasionally on the weekends.

Sunday I went to church, where I got recruited to play handbells and teach Sunday School once a month. I’ve been wanting to get involved so this isn’t a bad thing. I’ve decided to become a member of the church and I am really excited about it. I haven’t felt this way in so long; I look forward to church every week. The church is Hope United Methodist in Rancho Bernardo; it is a very socially liberal, service-oriented church but they have a traditional worship service which I prefer over the contemporary ones. They also emphasize evangelism through *actions* as opposed to words, which is really important to me. I hope to get more involved in some of their service opportunities as I get to know more about them. I’ve gotten to know several people over the last few weeks and Luke really enjoys Sunday School and has made some friends there now. I try not to talk much about church or religion my blog; I feel it’s a pretty personal thing and to be honest I know discussions on religion often lead to controversy which I just don’t care for. It is a big part of my life though, even if it isn’t something I talk about much online.

After church on Sunday I spent most of the day in the kitchen. I tried a new corn chili recipe (with ground turkey instead of ground beef) from the “Fix it and Forget it” cookbook. It turned out quite well, actually. I also made the herb and cheese bubble loaf from my “Better Homes and Gardens” cookbook. I have wanted to make it for years; the picture after all looked very appetizing. I must admit it was a big disappointment and really not worth all the effort! It was the first time I’ve ever made any sort of bread from scratch and, while it was certainly edible, I wish I hadn’t taken so much time to make it.

I did log another 9 miles on my way to Rivendell, bringing my total to 142 miles. I’m also down another pound, despite having mudd pie for dessert last night.

We’re toying with the idea of going to Jackson Hole in March. We found a nice resort through Orbitz with a $449 per person flight/hotel combo for four nights. I don’t know if we can really afford to take the trip, but I’m trying to get in better shape so that we can consider it. I’d really like to become an intermediate skier at least, and I know that isn’t going to happen with just one trip a year. The local mountains here have been nearly devoid of snow this season which is why we’re considering the longer trip. It may not happen until next year, but we will definitely go next year if we don’t go this year. Luke really wants to go skiing again also.

Well, that’s the update for today. Hope all is well with everyone out there!

A Small Bit of Good Car News

2006-01-25T15:44:00.000-08:00

Thank you for all of the comments, and thank you Mouldfan for your legal insight. Yes, the police report indicates that the drive who hit us was at fault, what with his breaking the law by driving down the marked off area, and all. Not that the insurance company cares what the police report says. Our lawyer has a copy of it and is doing what he can; hopefully it will work out in the end.

We did manage to purchase a replacement vehicle today at lunch; it is a Subaru Outback and nearly identical to the Legacy that we had (but a little more geared towards off-roading, I guess). It is one year newer and has 10,000 fewer miles. Fortunately my credit cards are generally paid off, so I put half of it on the card and the other half is financed, interest free, for one year. If the insurance company pays us anything then I'll use that to pay the card off. Otherwise it will get transferred to our equity line and paid off as quickly as possible. Our finances are not as bleak as I'd figured since several things will be paid off this year (student loans in just a few more months...four years early, yay!). Also, my car passed smog yesterday so I'll hold onto it for another two years (though the clutch needs some work). It's been paid off for 3.5 years and, with my average driving distance of five miles per day, it should easily last awhile longer as long as I don't get hit by some dumbass. I have found since the accident that I am far more accutely aware of how other people are driving around me. I am convinced that the majority of the people in my area shouldn't be driving; people are idiots.

Well, this is just a quick entry as I'm on my way to the chiropractor. I saw my x-rays on Monday and no wonder my neck and back are bothering me; the curvature in my neck is gone and, in fact, it's bent back in the other direction. I hope it doesn't take a long time to correct it.

I walked another two miles last night and I am hoping to start walking home for lunch again next week. I just want everything to be back to normal again; I am so done with all the drama.

More Drama

2006-01-23T15:16:00.000-08:00

I had a long rant composed in my head about how much I can’t stand flaky people. My neighbor, with whom I’ve become friends over the past year, is the worst and I was so annoyed about it yesterday. But then we got the phone call from the insurance company and that suddenly seems like a trivial complaint.

Basically, our insurance company is doing everything they can to screw us. I am not going to go into details because we have a lawyer who is going to try and help us, but do not ever ever ever use AAA for your car insurance. It’s been impossible to get them to actually return your call and they have really treated us quite badly. Suffice it to say that, while we can just pay off the remainder of our loan, they are leaving us with nothing to get another vehicle. We’ve done our research and we know that they are lowballing us about $2K. I am so irate right now. It has been 2.5 weeks now since the accident and they are just finally getting back to us after numerous calls. It’s such a disaster that I either want to cry or break something. I think I’ll use the anger to motivate myself to go to the gym and get in a nice long walk on the treadmill tonight, if I can manage to find the time between everything else.

I’m happy to report that I am down 2.5 pounds this week and got in another 7 miles over the weekend so I’m now up to 127 miles total. I also cooked both Saturday and Sunday *and* have meals planned for the next two weeks. It’s a good thing I’ve decided to start cooking more since we are going to have a hard time affording another car right now.

I have so much I need to do over the next few days (another visit to the chiropractor, grocery store, target, oil change, smog check, etc). And then if my W-2 will ever show up I’ll need to start on the taxes. I may do an estimate in the meantime to see how we’re going to come out because I am not sure this year. I really need a vacation, but the last time I tried to take a vacation was when we had the car accident. Well at least the skiing was fun. I had so hoped that we’d be able to go again this winter and I just don’t see how we’d be able to afford that at this point.

I know that things can always be worse, but I do try so hard to have a stable home, and we do have some savings we could use for a car though I am loathe to use it. I am just so furious that we have to deal with this when we weren’t doing anything wrong in the first place. It just really sucks.

Stitching, Meals, etc

2006-01-19T10:17:00.000-08:00

Every time I open my blog I see the picture from the wreck; I guess I ought to be writing new entries so that it eventually falls off the page. We are STILL waiting for the check from the insurance company so that we can purchase a replacement vehicle. I think Jay is leaning towards a Subaru Outback that he found. It’s two years newer than the old car was, has about 10K fewer miles, and costs less than ours did when we bought it. Even with what we owe on the old car we should break even. My back is still bothering me so I’ll be seeing a chiropractor tomorrow. I’ve never been to one before but Jay has been a few times now since the accident and said the guy is really good. I just want everything to be better and be done with this!

On a positive note, I was fortunate to receive the fabric two days ago that .Jenny mailed me for the Christening Gown that I’m making for my best friend. She finds out the baby’s gender this afternoon (if he/she cooperates). She’s due at the end of May so I am hoping I can finish it before then. The pattern is by Kayann’s Kreations and is all white on white hardanger. It’s been a couple years now since I’ve done hardanger, but I have the Janice Love books so I should be able to get through it alright. This is the same pattern that Jenny used to make the gown for her daughter (thanks again for the pattern, Jenny!). I will probably have my mom sew it together since she is a wonderful seamstress and could probably sew it in her sleep.

I thoroughly enjoyed my Monday off. I went for a four mile walk/hike in the morning and then spent the afternoon watching Return of the King while stitching on Noah’s Sub. I’ve finished a fair bit since the picture I posted last week; I plan to work on it when I’ve had all I can bear of the white on white and need a brief, colorful break.

I was pleasantly surprised last night to receive a RAK (Random Act of Kindness, from the Wagon BB) from Goldie of Just Nan’s Holly Noel. I guess I’d better update my wish list! Thanks again, Goldie; I hope I can start it soon since it is fairly small so I stand a chance of actually finishing it in a timely manner.

I am now up to 117 miles on my way to Rivendell. In addition to my four mile walk on Monday I also made it to the gym Tuesday evening and walked three miles on the treadmill while reading The Hobbit. I think I’ll be reading/walking on the treadmill more often. It accomplishes two things at once and the exercise goes by so much faster. Tonight is kickboxing night; I haven’t been in awhile and I’m hoping my back is up to it. I really need to start doing my normal routine again, and that class is part of it.

Inspired by Faith Ann I have been trying to plan more meals at home and stop eating out so much. We eat out far too often and I know it’s expensive and unhealthy (well, it’s not *always* unhealthy since I do eat better at Panera than I often do at home, but it is usually expensive). We have eaten in the last two nights and I have dinners planned at home through Monday. Not all of the meals are super healthy (ie, tacos on Saturday) but it is a relief to not worry about figuring out dinner every night. I know I’ll still end up eating some lunches out with co-workers, but if we can at least get the dinners under control it will be a big step in the right direction. I also haven’t gotten breakfast out since the first day we were home from vacation (there was nothing in the house so we got bagels). If I can make this work for a few weeks then I think I’ll get a new cookbook or two and start branching out somewhat.

Well, that’s all the excitement going on in my life. I look forward to spending this weekend getting my home cleaned up, exercising, and stitching. I am happy to have a nice, boring weekend for a change.

Noah's Sub Progress, etc

2006-01-13T14:20:00.000-08:00

Thank you so much for all of the kind comments. The past week has been a whirlwind of activity between recovering from the accident (I did go to the doctor because my neck and shoulders/upper back still hurt), preparing for Luke's 5th birthday party this Sunday, and just the usual stuff. I did take some time last night to take a progress picture of Noah's Sub:

I am really hoping to finish this in 2006; it is for Luke's room. I think I can safely say I am past the 50% point now.

I have this coming Monday off work but preschool is open and I am really looking forward to the day. With Luke's birthday party on Sunday, and attending another kid's party AND a stitching GTG tomorrow, I think I will really need the break! I am planning to do a lot of stitching and maybe re-watch some LOTR (I can't fit all three into the day, even if I don't do anything else). I would really like to go hiking; I reached 110 miles on my Walk to Rivendell, but haven't made any progress since the accident. I asked Jay if he wanted to go hiking on Monday and of course he laughed at me and said no. Oh well, at least that wasn't a surprise. If nothing else I plan to get a decent walk in and then spend the rest of the day stitching.

We got the official word yesterday that our car has been deemed a total loss. Well we were expecting that; it would certainly cost them more to try and repair it than to total it. It's sad, though. We're starting to look around for a replacement vehicle; I hope we can find something reasonable.

Well, that's the update for the week. I hope it is a good weekend for everyone; it has not been the easiest week for me but all of the kind words following the accident really helped me to get through it. Thanks again!

Trauma

2006-01-07T14:57:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm back from vacation. I'll post about that soon; the trip was great until the drive home yesterday. We had stopped in North Las Vegas to get lunch and were on our way to get gas. Jay was preparing to turn left into a parking lot; the traffic going the opposite direction was stopped at a red light and the bus and semi in the two lanes stopped and waved us across. A guy came flying down the shoulder at about 50mph and slammed into the front passenger side door, launching us airborn and spinning us about 120 degrees where we then slammed into two other vehicles. Thank God I was sitting in the back seat; I always ride in the back on long trips because Luke often gets carsick. He'd been a lot better lately but I still decided to ride in the back *just in case*. As you can see from the picture below, it's a damn good thing.

The good news is this: all 9 people involved were uninjured, well, mostly. Jay has some bruises and back/neck pain and my back/neck are killing me today. I'm okay if I look straight or slightly down, but if I lean my head back it is excruciating. Also, the police officer cited the guy driving in the shoulder as being at fault for the accident and that should help immensely with the insurance company. We went on vacation with another family and both the adults are insurance adjusters (for a different company than ours) and helped us with everything. I don't know what we would have done if they hadn't been there. It wasn't the greatest area and it was horrible trying to deal with the insurance company (why oh why do they employ someone at the roadside assistance call center who can't speak English?). They took care of Luke and took a number of photos for us. The one down below is one of the ones that shows the damage to our car pretty clearly.

We eventually got home late last night after a very long day and much time stuck in traffic in Vegas at rush hour. I am planning to spend the rest of the day resting on the couch, moving as little as possible. My house is a total wreck but I don't want my neck to get worse. Once I'm mended and have a moment I'll post some pics from our trip and talk a little more about it. It was a great trip until the drive home...

IMG_0726
Originally uploaded by mallonjill2000.

Happy New Year!

2006-01-02T14:05:00.000-08:00

Christmas 2005
Originally uploaded by mallonjill2000.

Okay, I think I've got this flickr thing sort of figured out now. This is the picture from our Christmas cards this year. Holding the cats was Jay's idea. We didn't do anything for New Year's Eve because it was wet and miserable and the freeway was flooded at our offramp anyway. I spent the day with Luke and his friend (and friend's mom) at Legoland. It started raining on us a couple hours into the day so we didn't stay long.

We leave tomorrow morning at 6:45. I hope we can get the car loaded up tonight (if it will stop raining for a few minutes...). I'm not complaining about the rain, though; it will hopefully mean snow in the mountains.

Well, this will be short; I just wanted to try the picture thing.

We Survived

2005-12-30T11:28:00.000-08:00

Christmas was chaotic and loud, but we survived. Luke was so tired on Christmas morning that everyone was awake before he was. In fact my brother came in and woke him up; this was the same brother who used to want to open presents at 4am on Christmas because it was finally Christmas. I was a little annoyed with everyone because he was very deliberately going through his stocking and everyone was trying to hurry him up. This time will go by quickly enough as it is; what does it matter if it takes a few extra minutes? Sure enough, he caught on that many of the presents under the tree were for him and they were all opened in no time.

I will have to get a photo hosting service that allows images to be posted directly instead of just links (stupid webshots). I took a number of pictures during Christmas and the ensuing Lego aftermath. I spent 8.5 hours on Christmas day assembling legos, stopping for church and cooking/eating. "Santa" got him the Hogwarts castle lego set, my dad got him the Durmstrang ship, and between us and other relatives he got the Shrieking Shack, Hogwarts Express, Merpeople, Dobby's Release (a little one, yay), some construction legos, Star Wars legos, etc. He is too spoiled and I know it is largely my fault. To his credit we did start to go through his old toys to see what he doesn't play with anymore and have taken a large batch of duplo-sized mega bloks to preschool already.

My mother's friend actually annoyed me more than my mother this year. He barks and makes wierd animal noises at regular intervals; it got old really fast and I do not understand it. She was a lot better than last year, definitely. My youngest brother really pissed us off at church on Christmas eve; he was loud and disrespectful and he's not allowed to come with us anymore until he can grow up. Fortunately I was four people away from him so I couldn't hear what he was saying, but Jay was angry with him and he doesn't even go to church usually. Christmas eve is the only time all year that he attends with me and sometimes I think it is only so he can sing "Hark the Herald Angels Sing" since he loves to sing that song.

Anyway, Jay slept all day Monday out of exhaustion from dealing with my family. I spent the day cleaning and doing laundry (well it wasn't going to do itself, was it?). I need some serious downtime and I don't know when I'll be getting it. Tomorrow I'm taking Luke to Legoland for the day and then we're going to go to my friend's new year's eve party. Today is Jay's birthday so we'll probably go out to dinner. I still need to take Luke to see Narnia, as I promised him we would do. I am working Monday to save my holiday time for Tuesday since leave early Tuesday morning to drive to Brian Head, Utah for three days. We'll still be there for Luke's birthday which is next Thursday. I can't believe he's going to be five in just six days. I still need to wrap his birthday presents that are hiding in the garage. We're having his party in the middle of the month at a big place called "Pump it Up" which has a variety of inflatable bouncies, obstacle courses, etc. He has requested a Harry Potter ice cream cake so I need to order that soon also.

I have not exercised since last Saturday though I did successfully avoid the egg nog shake temptation last night when we ate at the Chicken Pie Diner. I know I indulged too much over the holidays. Well, it's nearly lunchtime so I'll try to eat something healthy and then get some more work done this afternoon. It's unlikely I'll post again until after the trip unless I get a new photo hosting page set up to share pictures from Christmas. I hope everyone has a wonderful and safe New Year!

Four Years Ago Yesterday...

2005-12-23T09:43:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my four year wedding anniversary. Jay and I rarely exchange gifts for anything, so I was pleasantly surprised when he came home with flowers. This year has been a difficult one for me in our marriage, but I guess we're doing alright now. I know he will be a big help over the next few days as we have to deal with all of the family that is coming down for Christmas.

My family is a complicated situation for me, as many people who read this probably know by now. My relationship with my mother is very strained on my end. I wonder sometimes how she perceives it, but I am not close to her at all. She was horrid to me growing up and it's like she has no recollection for all the awful things she has said to me. Anyway, I don't want to dwell on that today. She and her friend came down yesterday for Christmas (at least she isn't staying with us this year). We were going to have a quiet dinner at home, just Jay, Luke, and I (and my best friend, Maya, who was down for the day). Of course my mom invites herself over, even though we'll be spending all day today, tomorrow, and Sunday with them. It was utter pandemonium from the second she walked in the door. Sometimes I think she is afraid of silence; she talks incessantly. I wonder how she ever manages to get a breath in as I never hear a big enough pause!

Today we are going to the Wild Animal Park with them. I have to be honest; I am dreading it. At least we are taking separate cars. I am just so exhausted already from spending a couple hours with her last night; the prospect of the next few days is really daunting.

Sometimes I wish for a nice, quiet Christmas with just my husband and son. When I was a kid we never had grandparents and aunts/uncles descend on our home. Our place just is not big enough for so many people; we have a two bedroom townhome with a table that just seats four. I do not handle the chaos well, and I buy all the food and do all the cooking and cleaning (if last year is any indication of what to expect). I don't know how to express this with my mother without her been irrepairably offended, so I suffer through and dread the holidays. I also feel bad because there are so many people who are lonely at this time of the year who miss their family with whom they cannot spend the holidays. Last year's holiday season drove me to anxiety and panic attacks and took several months of therapy to return things to normal.

Ah well, three more days and I'll have my life and home back. I am really looking forward to the week after new year's when we go skiing in Utah with our friends (their daughter and Luke were in preschool together and we all get along really well). I guess that will be my "holiday".

On an entirely different note, my best friend, Maya, was here Wednesday/Thursday this week. She is due with her first child in May (yay!) and I offered to make her a Christening gown for the baby (she is Catholic). She loves the pattern and was thrilled so we went to an LNS yesterday to get the supplies. Of course they were out of the fabric it requires and there is no other place to get it locally. It figures. I have ordered it though and will be ready to start it as soon as it comes in. I also met some people at the LNS who are just as enamored by the Chatelaine designs as I am. It is still not the same as my old LNS that closed, but maybe that will just take some time.

Well, that's enough for today. I doubt I'll be writing again until next week, so have a Merry Christmas (or a happy whatever it is you celebrate) and be safe!

Mystery 8 is Finished!

2005-12-12T15:06:00.000-08:00

I even have a picture to prove it. I finished it Saturday evening. I am so glad to have it done. I don't know what I'll focus on now. I picked up Alpine Garden again last night and I may do parts 4 and 5 of that before anything else. I also have a Christmas ornament in progress that I may try to finish up before Christmas (and there are 11 other wips aside from those 2). I am probably going to start something new in January, if not sooner.

The other night I bought a crochet afghan pattern and some yarn to make a lap blanket for my church's Operation Touch program. They take blankets and other things to people in nursing homes. I bought some blue and white yarn to make a fairly simple afghan; I've only done a small amount of crocheting and it seemed like a good opportunity to improve my skills while helping someone else. I did pull my leprosy bandage out yesterday and worked on it while I watched Luke and his friend at the playground. It is extremely tedious but it's easy and doesn't require a lot of concentration. It is also far more portable than most of my other projects. I used to work on it when he was in swimming lessons over the summer. I am an extremely slow crocheter; I hope that changes in the near future.

On Saturday I went to a friend's officer commissioning (Navy reserves) on board the USS Midway aircraft carrier (it is now a museum). It was really neat. Luke loved it; we toured most of the ship that is open to the public. I also went to a Pilates class that morning and, consequently, was extremely sore yesterday morning. I am up to 80 miles on my Rivendell "trip". I have "only" 378 more to go. It will be a lot easier in the summer to make substantial progress since I can start walking in the evenings again when it is light out later.

My company Christmas (or holiday, whatever) party is this Saturday. I bought a new dress last week and it is quite nice. It is long and black with some tasteful beading. Best of all, it was on sale and an 8-petite although I am convinced that vanity sizing was utilized because there is no way an 8-petite could fit so loosely. I've been doing a fair bit of exercise, but not enough to fit into an 8-petite dress. Well, it's gorgeous and it fits and I can't wait for the party.

There isn't a lot to write that is particularly interesting today, I'm afraid. I am looking forward to seeing the Narnia movie. I read the books as a child and plan to re-read at least The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe this week so I can take Luke to see it next weekend. Jay probably won't go, or if he does he will likely complain about it and refuse to admit it's good even if he likes it. He can be so stubborn sometimes; he makes endless fun of me because I like Tolkein so much but I know he liked the movies even if he will never admit it and just goes on about how long and boring they were and how "only the nerds read it at his high school." Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be married to someone with whom I actually shared interests like reading, hiking, camping, etc. Or someone who actually helped around the house on a regular basis. Oh well. I made my decisions, and must live with them now; there is truly no one to blame but myself and anyway I wouldn't trade Luke for anything. Jay did do something extraordinary last week: he bought a Dremel tool (sweet!) and hand-carved a "wand" for Luke, a la Harry Potter. It is so gorgeous; I was really impressed. I have taken some pictures of it but haven't uploaded them to webshots yet. I'll post a link when I do as it is definitely worth sharing.

This and That

2005-12-07T10:07:00.000-08:00

Today is the third day in a row that I’ve had ice on my windshield. This is the third winter that we’ve lived in our current home and I don’t ever remember ice on the windshield. I’m not waking up substantially earlier; maybe it is just colder this year.

The cold has kept me from getting to the gym in the evenings (well, that and the incessant errands I’ve had to run lately). I have decided that, starting today, I will walk home for lunch at least a couple times a week as long as it isn’t too windy or rainy. It’s cold today, but sunny. It’s one mile each way so that’s an easy way to get in two miles of exercise, although the mile back to work takes longer since it is uphill.

I received an e-mail invitation to a reunion group on yahoo for my high school class. It turns out our reunion next year won’t be until October-ish so that gives me a few extra months to get down to my goal weight as I was thinking it would be in June-July. It’s been interesting to see the people who have joined the group so far. I am still in touch with a couple of them but most I haven’t seen or talked to since high school. I definitely plan to attend the reunion; I think it could be amusing.

There isn’t really a lot to say right now. I’ve been busy finishing up my Christmas shopping and trying to finish Mystery 8. I’m over ¾ done with part 12 so it should be soon. Luke was sick over the weekend so I got several extra hours in on Saturday. I finally broke down and let him watch Return of the King. Now it’s time to let him see Fellowship of the Ring and the second half of Two Towers (he’s seen the first half). He wasn’t bothered by any of the movie (we did skip the part with Shelob) and really enjoyed it. I thought he would be scared by it but I’m really glad he wasn’t. He’s been begging to see the movies for ages. He has recently developed an aptitude for swordfighting. We have a foam sword from Legoland and he is maniacal with it and, actually, he has some skills. We bought a second sword but it is too flimsy for the first one so we need another one.

Jay started his new job yesterday and it looks like it will be a good fit for him. Unfortunately it is a lighted driving range so that means he’ll be working late occasionally, like tonight. I think Luke and I will watch The Amazing Race from last night and decorate our gingerbread house.

Well, that’s about it here. I haven’t been exercising much (hence the decision to start walking home for lunch) so I’m only up to 70 miles in my trek to Rivendell. Still 388 more to go…

"Winter" Weather, San Diego Style

2005-11-30T11:03:00.000-08:00

Last night Jay turned on the heat for the first time. I guess it's silly to complain about it being "cold" here, but it's been in the 40's at night and to me that is cold. I even had some magic shell in the kitchen (you know, the chocolate ice cream topping that hardens when it hits the cold ice cream, or is mistakenly stored in the refrigerator). Last night it was clear that the bottle's idea of "room temperature" and the actual temperature in my kitchen, are quite different as it was almost hardened in the bottle. Well I suppose that's just as well; the stuff isn't that healthy anyway.

So anyway, the heat is set to approximately 62-65 and I shudder to think of the electric bill. I know, I'm very spoiled to live here. I am so disgusted with certain things in San Diego lately, like the various pension/bribery/etc scandals within the city council and now "Duke" Cunningham's admission of taking bribes while in office. I am glad to say I didn't vote for him, but I am always disappointed to see this sort of thing. The bad politics coupled with the insane cost of living are--at least for now--outweighed by the fact that 50 degrees Farenheit is considered "cold".

On a different note, I cooked the entire Thanksgiving meal by myself again this year. My dad and my youngest brother came down to our house for the holiday. I burned the first two pies (by baking them at 475 instead of 375) but I rushed to the store, bought new pies, and everything turned out well. My dad, brother, and I took Luke to Legoland on Friday. Depsite the fact that it was more crowded that normal, it was a lot of fun. Luke went on the dragon coaster twice and we bought one of the pictures because he had his arms up all on his own. It's his new favorite ride, apparently.

My family and I have also decided to do something a little different for Christmas this year. Rather than buying gifts for everyone we're going to buy gifts for a family that my church is sponsoring who lost everything in New Orleans. Their whole extended family of 16 people moved here to San Diego and the church has been helping them start their lives over. We should have been doing this sort of thing for years instead of buying each other stuff we don't really need. I'm still planning to buy small gifts (See's candy) for my family, but no big "stuff". Luke will still be getting presents though, since he is 4, and he is so excited. He wakes up each morning saying "Merry Christmas". He is also calling everybody "donut" right now. Kids! He insisted we get a Christmas tree last weekend, so we did that Sunday. Jay came for the first time and he picked it out and even did most of the work to get it in place. It was really nice for a change. The cats seem to knock off a few ornaments each day, and we saw Abby *in* the tree once, but it hasn't been too bad, yet.

I also made homemade sugar cookies with Luke on Saturday. Completely from scratch; even the frosting (in 5 different colors). It felt like I spent all day in the kitchen baking or cleaning, but he was so proud of "helping" that it was worth it.

I have completed 67 miles on my trek to Rivendell so far. I still have 391 to go, but it's progress anyway. I was up a couple pounds after Thanksgiving but I managed to get 8 miles in during the holiday so it wasn't too bad. I hate that it gets dark so early now; there's a nice 2.5 mile loop that I like to walk and I can't do it alone at night. I have a friend who will walk with me, but not when it's so cold.

Well, I'm headed off to run some errands at lunch and maybe wrap a couple more presents.

South Park

2005-11-18T13:26:00.000-08:00

I don't think I can embed a picture directly from webshots, so I will have to use a link to show off my Personalized South Park Character. I don't remember where I saw these first, but several people have them on their blogs now and I just love it.

Despite being crude and over the top the vast majority of the time (if not all of the time), I do watch South Park. When I can manage to get past the bawdiness, I can recognize that it is some of the most witty satire I've seen in a long time. This week's new episode was no exception. This week they took on Scientology. Oh my. Now, I firmly believe that a person has the right to believe whatever they choose, but, as one of the characters in the episode said, "some people are so desperate to believe in something that they'll believe anything." There was this part where they were explaining what Scientologists believe, with the caption "This is what Scientologists actually believe" flashed up on the screen. I don't recall exactly; it was something about frozen alien souls dropped in a volcano that died and are the root of all the issues/fears/etc that people have. WTF?? Can that really be true? Well, I found a link at Wikipedia. It even mentions the South Park episode down towards the end of the page. Wikipedia rocks.

Catching Up, Again

2005-11-17T14:49:00.000-08:00

I was home sick yesterday; I can tell that I am truly sick when I fall asleep on the couch trying to watch a Lord of the Rings movie. I can’t even stitch while I’m watching those (well, not very efficiently anyway) because I can barely tear my eyes away from the screen. I slept most of the day and feel much better today, though still tired. I did receive some good news yesterday, however; our couch is ready and will be delivered next Wednesday. I had really hoped it would be delivered by Thanksgiving so that I can rearrange the living room and have room for a Christmas tree.

My dad is coming down for Thanksgiving; my youngest brother may or may not be here also. I don’t really enjoy cooking, but I like to have a traditional Thanksgiving meal and I don’t want to go anywhere. Last year I made a turkey with all the trimmings and I’ll be doing the same this year. I’ll be going to the grocery store at lunch tomorrow; I hope it isn’t too crowded. Since I live in an area which has a lot of retirement communities it can be torture to go to the store during the day. I’m taking Luke to see The Jungle Book at his friend’s church tomorrow evening though, so I have no choice but to go tomorrow at lunch. I’m sure the weekend will be far worse than a Friday at lunch time.

Jay still won’t come around on having another child and I am completely heartbroken over it. I’m trying to accept it and appreciate the things that we can do with only one that we couldn’t do with two, but I still cry regularly when I see babies or pictures (like my best friend’s ultrasound picture last week). We’re planning to go to Brian Head, Utah this winter to go skiing/snowboarding so that’s something we couldn’t afford to do with two children, at least not right now. I found a nice resort with a good package that includes 3 nights and four full-day lift tickets. I’ve never been to Utah before and I love to go to places where I’ve never been. It turns out it’s only two hours further away than driving to Mammoth would be, and it’s cheaper (even factoring the extra gas).

I’m also starting to think about Luke’s birthday party. His birthday is January 5th so I’m planning to have his party a week or two after his actual birthday so it won’t be as close to the holidays. He has decided he wants to have it at a place called Pump It Up. They have two large rooms for private parties with a variety of bouncies (there’s a slide, a dual obstacle course, a sumo ring, and a regular bounce house or two). I looked into having a party in the gym at the community center across the street and renting one bouncie, but it was about half the price to just have the party at the bounce place. He wants a Harry Potter ice cream cake and is really excited about it. It’s the first year we’ll be doing a “real” party for him with all of his friends. I’m actually looking forward to it; we’ve been to so many other kids’ parties this year and I know he can’t wait to have his own.

Last weekend I took Luke to Legoland again and he went on the Project X Technic rollercoaster. It is the biggest, scariest ride they have there (not that it’s *that* scary, but he is four). He had a great time and has been talking ever since about wanting to go on the Dragon (which was closed) and the Knight’s Tournament rides. I love rollercoasters so it’s great to see him so excited about them.

It’s hard to believe that this is the same child from the beginning of the year, or even June. Since June he’s done the following: gotten over his fear of dogs, the water (and learned how to swim AND gone off the diving board multiple times on his own), roller coasters, bouncies, and big play structures (like the kinds with crawling tubes, etc). He is also learning how to read and write, which I am really enjoying. I love it when he points out letters on street signs, etc.

Well, that pretty much summarizes the past week. Oh, my stitching site will not be re-built following its crash, so I’m trying to start a new site. I haven’t had a lot of time to devote to it though, so I’ve set up a webshots album for the interim. I’m ¾’s of the way done with parts 10 and 11 of Mystery 8 so I really think I’ll catch up and start beading this month. It looks like I should be able to finish it by the end of the year, just like Mystery 6 last year. I also got the *perfect* fabric for Firefly Fairies; I had Mindy from Sugar Maple Fabrics dye something for it and it arrived last night. I’m planning to start it once I finish Mystery 8, assuming I can find the pattern. It’s time to reorganize the closet; it’s really gotten out of hand.

Photo Site is Down

2005-11-11T09:16:00.000-08:00

Apparently the website where I store my photos is experiencing some technical difficulties. I've been considering the idea of getting my own site for awhile, and this just might be the catalyst that I need. I have a friend who has his own hosting site with a huge amount of space that is willing to let me set up my own site there. I haven't done it yet because I'm lazy; I'd have to get all of my photos together and learn how to do a webpage (I know I know, it can't be *that* hard. Didn't you just read where I said I was lazy? :) ).

So for now, the pictures from Halloween in the previous entry have been replaced with the dreaded little red x. Hopefully it will only be temporary.

I have spent the week trying to be more active and healthy; my food choices have been better and I've been exercising regularly. I feel a lot better when I manage to exercise; I know I should be better about making the time. I don't think I've mentioned it here, but I've decided to take part in The Eowyn Challenge. So far I have completed 41 miles and have 417 more to go to "reach" Rivendell. I know I know, it's kind of nerdy, but I never claimed to be otherwise. I re-read the Lord of the Rings books every year right around Christmas (yay, it's almost that time again!) and I've even read the Silmarillion twice. I know there are several other stitchers who are planning to participate in the challenge also so it makes it more interesting. Of course, having my obsessive-compulsive tendencies, I want to do *all* of the distances on the site, not just the one to Rivendell. That should keep me exercising for several years, which is not a bad thing.

So anyway, things have been alright I suppose. We had an election here this week and I am so thrilled for it to be over, even if I'm not happy about all of the results (some of them are okay with me, though). I really hate elections. I almost always vote; I've missed a couple of the smaller elections but don't plan to again. I've registered permanent absentee which really makes things easier. It's all the advertising that really drives me insane though. I hate the television ads. What kind of idiot decides how to vote on an issue based on an extremely skewed tv ad? Talk about distorting the truth. I've actually taken the time to read some of the proposition text this year (it was painful, truly painful) and I am impressed with the creative interpretations that ended up in the commercials. Good grief! And if that wasn't bad enough, we were inundated with junk mail and someone actually came to our door on a Saturday. We'd gone out to lunch and when we returned home there was a flier attached to our door knob with a handwritten "sorry we missed you" note. My goodness I was so pissed. I almost wish I had been home since it was for the mayoral candidate for whom I did not vote. I'm so glad that we just have two cell phones and no landline; at least we were spared from the barrage of phone calls which I'd heard about from my co-workers.

So yeah, we had an election and it's over and I'm glad. Election time always just frustrates me because I am never happy with the choices that we have. I always feel that I'm voting for the person that I feel will be the lesser of evils. I can't remember ever actually voting "for" someone. I always try to vote because I feel that I don't have a right to complain if I don't at least have my say, and I fully intend to complain.

Well enough about that. Just thinking about politics and elections, etc, makes me feel aggravated. I should really wrap this up anyway; have a pleasant weekend, everyone.

Halloween Pictures

2005-11-04T12:14:00.000-08:00

I have had an insanely busy week at work and finally had a few minutes today at home at lunch to upload some Halloween pictures. The first is the jack-o-lantern that I carved for Luke. It took a torturous 2+ hours but his smile made it work it in the end:

In costume on Halloween:

And finally, one from Legoland before Halloween. I took him to their "brick or treat" event and got some cute pictures. Here's one of my favorites:

Well, I need to get back to work. I worked late yesterday so I get to come home early today, yay!

Seven

2005-10-18T13:01:00.000-07:00

I was tagged awhile back and never got to this one, so here I go. Of course it's been so long that I don't even remember who tagged me. I'll try to blog a little more often; it's just been busy lately.

7 Things I Want to Do Before I Die
1. learn to knit
2. visit Iceland (and many other places)
3. learn Russian and Spanish (and improve my French and German)
4. run a mile in 10 minutes
5. have another child
6. buy a house with a backyard
7. learn to play the violin

7 Things I Can Do
1. hardanger
2. calculus
3. program using VHDL
4. ride big/scary rollercoasters
5. crochet
6. play the piano
7. count in five languages

7 Things I Can't Do
1. ski an intermediate run without falling
2. fall asleep easily at night
3. make corn chowder
4. eat sushi
5. scuba dive
6. golf
7. surf

7 Things That Attract Me to Another Person
1. intelligence
2. wit/sense of humor
3. hair
4. eyes
5. similar beliefs
Sorry I can only think of five

7 Celebrity Crushes
1. Ewan McGregor
2. Matt Damon
3. James Denton
4. Viggo Mortensen (but ONLY as Aragorn)
5. Harrison Ford (if he was just a little younger...)
6. Pierce Brosnan (as Bond)
7. Brad Pitt (before he cut his hair so short)

7 Things I Say the Most
1. whatever
2. I don't care
I've run out of things to add for this one; I can't think of things that I say regularly. I'll try to write an entry with more substance in the near future.

Comments/Tagging

2005-10-10T09:47:00.000-07:00

Just a real quick post for this morning: sorry about the word verification on the comments but I'm tired of getting stupid spam comments. No, I'm not interested in the "boy toy" site, thankyouverymuch. Also I realize I haven't done the "7 things" yet; I know I've been tagged, and I'll get to it soon, honest. :) Have a great day; I'll try to post a "real" blog entry soon.

Kitten and Stitching Update

2005-10-06T09:27:00.000-07:00

I haven't written a post in awhile; I haven't had a lot of down time lately. Take yesterday, for example. After work we picked Luke up from preschool and went to the mall to look at couches. We didn't get home until 9pm. We did, however, buy a couch at JC Penny's. It is a dual recliner slate blue microsuede and I cannot WAIT for it to be ready. 8-10 weeks since it's a special order. The couch that I have tolerated for the last 5+ years is a hideous red thing that Jay has had for about 13 years. I endured it for a couple reasons. First of all, I have a nice glider rocker and I do not use the couch. Secondly, there were other ways I'd rather spend the money (digital camera, new tv, vacation, etc). And finally, Jay had an abnormal attachment to the hideous thing. A week or so ago he finally conceded that it's reached the end of its useful life and he is ready to move on. I am excited because we'll be rearranging our living room. Hopefully it will arrive before Christmas so that we will have room for a tree this year (the wall unit that we bought in the spring takes up a lot of space so I'd been wondering where the heck I'd put a tree this year).

So as I said, I've been busy. Today is kickboxing from 5:30-6:30 and then I have to back something for the open house at preschool tomorrow evening. I'm leaning towards M&M brownies. I guess I'll go to the grocery store at lunch today. I am *tired* and just want an evening where we do nothing!

It's been four months now and the kittens are almost full grown. Gosh it goes by so fast!! It's interesting how they've developed their own personalities. Oscar is a little wierd but at least he has stopped his middle of the night nose licking (I was very tired for a few weeks there...). Felix is sooooo sweet; he often curls up in my lap in the evenings while I stitch. And then there's Abby. She is always getting in to something; she is definitely the troublemaker. I suppose it's natural then that she gravitates towards Luke. I don't know how she manages to tolerate him. He's put her in the bathtub (in his defense he "thought she wanted in" since she was standing on the ledge staring intently at the water), tried to lay on her "like a pillow" and just generally wants to "play" with her. He isn't intentionally mean to her; he just really loves her and, as a four year old boy, is still learning how to "love" her without being too rough. But like I said, she's trouble. Her latest endeavor has been to rip holes in the cat food bag. So far she's gone through two of them and has learned how to jump onto the stove (that's how she got the second one). The food spent one night in the oven and is currently residing under the sink. We have been several places looking for a reasonably priced/sized storage container. What we really need is one of those popcorn tins but I don't know where to find one. It's such a pain.

We are really enjoying the kitties though; they are so much fun even if they do cause some trouble. I'm a little worried about the new couch but we'll make do somehow. I'll try to add some new pictures soon.

Let's see, since I originally started this blog because of my stitching friends I suppose it is appropriate to occasionally talk about stitching. I finished Mirabilia's Crescent Dreams recently for a friend that had a baby. I haven't posted a pic yet so here it is. It's a little big and will screw up my blog formatting so I'll just post the link . After finishing that one I decided to try and catch up on Chatelaine's Mystery 8. I have now finished part 7. Part 10 was just released so I'm hoping I can catch up. Here is another link .

We also went to Legoland on Saturday but maybe I'll talk about that another time. Jay came with us, for a change. Luke wanted to ride with him on everything; it was really cute. I wish he would ride on the three bigger rides/roller coasters but oh well. He's tall enough for all of the rides but he's a little scared still. Eventually, I hope.

Well, hope everyone has a nice day and hopefully I won't end up with more spam comments. How wierd.

Happy for my Brother

2005-09-30T09:20:00.000-07:00

Well for a change I'll write a post that isn't depressing and self-absorbed. Yesterday my brother, Matt, called me to get my address since he's filing to graduate from college in the spring and needed an address of someone who can get in touch with him. He will be 25 next month and had some obstacles to overcome (a bad, costly, early engagement and some ensuing debt) but he'll be graduating with a degree in US History.

For as long as I can remember he has wanted to coach high school football and teach US History. Well, over the summer he was offered a job to coach the offensive line (or maybe it was just the quarterback? I'm not sure) at a private high school not far from where he lives. This is in addition to his full time job at the Boys and Girls Club and his full course load. Of course he took the coaching job, and they have thrown more yards in one game this season than the entire season last year. There are 10 games in the season and so far his team is 4-0. The school has told him that if he's serious about wanting to teach history and coach after graduation that it may be a possibility. I am so happy for him. He's also dating a girl that I really like (hey, she was in band and loves LOTR; what she's doing with my brother I'm *really* not sure, but I like her).

So instead of feeling down today I will be happy for my brother. I have given him a hard time over the years when he pursued crazy jobs (like the "concrete pumping" thing when he bought that truck that got 8 mpg) but he's finally gotten his act together. Our youngest brother is also back in school full time (at their local junior college) with reasonable aspirations of transferring to UC Irvine (or Riverside, I can't remember which it was now) next year.

My big disappointment for today is pretty trivial and fixable: I decided it was time to brush up on my calculus and DSP so I ordered a calculus book from half.com. Well, it arrived yesterday, but instead of the 1168 page, 17 chapter Multivariable Calc book that I thought I was getting (you know, since that's what the description said and all) it was a second half page 651-1168 chapters 10-17 book. I've contacted the seller and am hoping for a quick, painless resolution. I'm really annoyed about it but it's trivial and I can file a claim at the website if it doesn't work out. It delays my studying a little bit longer, but oh well.

I'm planning to take Luke to Legoland tomorrow; it's been three weeks since we last went. I'm hoping I can squeeze my sudoku book into my purse somehow since he likes to play in the area with the kid-sized town (fire station, police station, hospital, store, house, etc; it is so cool) for a looooong time. I don't know if Jay is coming with us or not. Either way I'm planning to visit the new Chick-Fil-A in Oceanside for dinner. I wish there was one closer, but at least it's reasonable for when we go to Legoland.

Have a good weekend everyone!

And It Gets Worse...

2005-09-27T08:46:00.000-07:00

I keep wondering if I can possibly feel worse than I currently do, and sure enough, it was possible. My best friend from high school called last night asking how late she should be before taking a pregnancy test (she and her husband have been sort-of trying for a couple months now). She was 10 days late so I said it would probably show up. Sure enough, she calls me this morning as happy as can be, asking if I still have any books or maternity clothes from when I was pregnant. Yes, I do, but I was really kind of hoping that I would get to use them again. I am really happy for her, honest I am, but this was the worst possible time to get the news and I am beyond devastated.

Jenny I'll definitely be e-mailing you; I don't know how you managed to make it ten years in the same situation. I am so happy it worked out in the end for you and I really appreciate your comment and all the others too.

Well I would rather not be depressing, so I'm going to go get some work done now. I just keep wondering what can possibly come next. And how on earth I'm going to do her baby shower; I am really happy for her and I want to be a good friend but it is so, so hard right now.

Another Week

2005-09-20T13:00:00.000-07:00

I really appreciate all of the kind comments after my last entry. My week got worse before it got better; Friday afternoon I received an e-mail from a friend's husband two hours after their second child (a daughter) was born. Their first child and Luke have been in preschool together and we've spent much of the summer going to the pool with them. I am trying to prepare myself for going to see the new baby which should happen in the next week or two. If the past week is any indication, I don't expect to get through the visit without bawling. I hope that it makes Jay feel horrible. I know that's a terrible thing to say, but I'm so frustrated with him and he just doesn't understand how big of a deal it is to me to want another child.

I have decided that I'm not going to try to lie to myself anymore. I know now how much I want another child. I don't know if it will ever happen, but I'm done with lying about how I feel. I am not ready to give up either; I'm only 27 and I'd rather have two children a little further apart than I originally wanted than to only have one. Now, if it doesn't happen by the time I'm around 30 then I may reconsider, but that's a few years away and a lot can happen in three years. Besides, it would be ideal for me to get pregnant in about a year from now. Then Luke would be almost done with Kindergarten and we wouldn't have to pay as much for after school care for him and maybe we'll have moved to a bigger home by then.

One more thing: I have a piece of advice for anyone who is either in a position like mine or someone who wants to have children (and has a willing spouse) but is having trouble conceiving. Do NOT go to the mall for lunch during the week. Really, just don't do it. I went to the mall for lunch today to take advantage of Clinique's bonus time and I swear the mall is full of mothers with babies in strollers. It was all I could do not to start crying while I ate lunch. The good news is that I am someone who cannot eat when I'm depressed or upset; it was tough to even choke down a little food at lunch. So maybe I'll be able to lose those 20 pounds after all if I don't get pregnant any time soon. I'd really rather lose just a little of it now though and worry about the rest after having another child...

Accepting Reality

2005-09-16T10:07:00.000-07:00

I had a long, angry post typed up a couple days ago, but I decided to wait to post it and ended up deleting it this morning as it really doesn't serve any purpose. I've had a really difficult week and I just want it to be over. There was an extremely remote chance this month that I might be pregnant, but it turned out not to be the case. I've wanted another child since Luke was about 2. Jay and I never would have been together long term if it hadn't been for Luke as we are very different in many ways. One of those ways is that I always wanted to have kids. 2 kids. He would likely have not had any if Luke hadn't come along unexpectedly when he did.

There was a subject recently on one of the BB's I frequent asking how people knew their DH/SO was "the one". I didn't respond because the only thing I could think of to say was "he isn't, but we have a child together and we're trying to make the best of it." It just really didn't seem like I should post that at the time. Well, since we are trying to make the best of it, I've spend the last few years trying to convince myself that I am okay with just having one child. I learned this month that all this time I have been lying to myself and I am really NOT okay with it. But I have to try and accept it the best I can, I suppose. I have spent much of the past week either crying or close to it.

I know that there are plenty of people out there who would give anything to just have one child, and it makes me feel so selfish to even be posting about this. Luke is a wonderful kid (well, most of the time) and I am extremely thankful to have a happy, healthy child. It is just such a bitter disappointment and coming to terms with my reality is not going to be an easy task.

So I am trying to focus on other things. My best friend and her husband just started trying to have a baby, so I'm planning to offer her my maternity clothes, remaining baby stuff that I'd been holding on to "just in case" and just try to close that chapter in my life. I am going to focus on getting us out of debt in the next year or two and moving to a real house (preferably with a pool after the way Luke took to the water this summer). If I can't have that second child that I so desparately want then I need to find a way to accept it and move on with my life.

I'm sorry for the depressing, self-absorbed post that this has become. I am seeking closure I think; hopefully I can find it without resenting my husband forever.

Inconsequential Rants and Random Stuff

2005-09-06T12:48:00.000-07:00

I know that, really, I don't have much in my life that is worthy of complaint. Oh sure, I don't have the "real" house with the backyard, my car is old, my husband doesn't do housework, and I'd really like to lose those last 20 damn pounds. But I am healthy, I have a good job, we *do* own our home, and there is a lot in my life for which I am thankful. Some days, though, I am just cantankerous I guess, and I have a couple rants I need to make:

1. To the Panera sample hander-outer who walked by my table *three* times: you suck. I wanted to try the frozen tasty coffee-looking beverage too.
2. To the jerk who, when there were 12 parking spots in the row, had to park their giant hummer in the spot next to me, so close to my car that I couldn't get in it: you REALLY suck. I hope the $3/gallon gas really makes you hate that damn atrocity of a vehicle.

Okay, I know, both rants are petty and stupid, but for some reason I was feeling cranky at lunchtime. I do have something happy to post, though. I had gone to a toy store at lunch to see if they had the Lego Hogwarts Castle for Luke's "Santa" present. They did, but it was $125 and the box was pretty beat up. So, I went on ebay, and found one in perfect, unopened condition, for $94 including shipping. That's $40 less than if I's bought the one at the toy store (after tax). Yay! Luke really wants the Harry Potter legos but they don't make most of them anymore. So far I've found: Hogwart's Castle, Hogwart's Express, Hagrid's Hut, and Draco's Encounter with Buckbeak. I'm planning to hunt down as many as I can and hide them in the closet until Christmas, birthday(s), etc. I figure if he outgrows it (unlikely, since he's not yet 5) or gets tired of them I can re-sell them further down the road. I can't wait to see his happy little face at Christmas. We went to Legoland yesterday and in the "tent sale" shop they had Lupin's Classroom set for $10 (originally $20, which is the minimum I've seen it go for on ebay). I caved and let him get it and he was just in heaven. We even got to leave before Legoland closed since he wanted to go play with it. Yay!! I love having season passes.

Well, I have to attend a 1pm meeting. 1pm meetings suck. I don't think meetings should be scheduled between 11:30-1 at all; too close to lunchtime. I'm tempted to not show up until 1:30 on principle. Heck, half the people will be late anyway and it's just a waste of time to sit around. Gosh what has gotten into me today? Everything is annoying me for some reason.

A Happy Birthday

2005-08-30T11:09:00.000-07:00

Thanks for all of the happy birthday wishes. Aside from Chuck E Cheese it was a pretty good day. Of course it was so *hot* that Chuck E Cheese wasn't even that bad; at least it was air conditioned and it was during the hottest part of the day.

After the kid's party we went home and I ordered myself my birthday present; a digital camera. I got the Canon Elph 4 mega-pixel model. It should arrive in a few days; I can't wait! I also got a gift certificate to European Cross Stitch so now I have to decide what to buy with it.

My mom and a friend of hers came down for the weekend and stayed at the hotel where Jay's golf course is. Luke and I went to swim in the pool Saturday afternoon and then I went home to get ready for dinner. Jay had a gift certificate to El Bizcocho; a 5 star restaurant at the hotel. The chefs are French trained and it has won a number of awards in San Diego. My mom watched Luke for the evening.

It was amazing!! Oh my goodness it was the most incredible meal I have ever had. I had a lobster brioche appetizer (and I don't even eat seafood but it was incredible). Then a belgian endive salad and Jay and I got the chateaubriand tableside carving for two. The restaurant manager picked our wine for us; we had a great sauvignon blanc with the appetizer course and split a bottle of pinot noir with the rest of the meal. It was divine. And then came dessert...oh dessert. I had a grand marnier souffle, Jay had a bavarian cream with lime and raspberry thing (mille feuille or something like that?) and they brought out a chocolate cheesecake thing with a candle inside a blackberry for my birthday. It was all wonderful. There was so much food, but it was spread out over three hours. A real event!

In a way I feel so gluttonous, and it bothers me that there are people that are so wealthy that they eat like that all the time. Anyway, it was a really wonderful night and I won't be forgetting it anytime soon. It was one of the better birthdays I've had, for sure.

I did make it to the gym last night; it's been so hot that all I've wanted to do is stay as still as possible (oh how I wish we had A/C). At least the gym is air conditioned; even at 8:40 last night it was so hot when I went home.

Not much else is going on aside work of course. And I've been glued to the news in horror watching hurricane Katrina batter the south. I know a couple people down there and have a friend whose family is still in New Orleans (well, they evacuated though). I can't believe the extent of the damage and I know we're only just starting to see it. My heart and prayers go out to all those who are affected. Our gas jumped from $2.74/gallon on Sunday to $2.83/gallon on Monday (for the cheap stuff) so we're feeling the impact here a bit, but I know that is nothing compared to losing everything you have and being stuck in a shelter, unable to see what remains if anything.

Birthdays and Legoland

2005-08-26T09:56:00.000-07:00

So it's been nine days since I last wrote. I have now finished all of the Harry Potter books and last night we watched the first movie. Jay doesn't really "get" it but oh well, I should be used to that by now. Luke really enjoyed it. Having read the books, I was a little worried about him being scared by some parts. There was one point where I told him it would be scary and put my hand over his eyes and he pushed my hand away and--very disdainfully--said "Mommy, it's only pretend, you don't have to cover my eyes". Kids! So I let him watch it. He didn't thrash around at night or have any nightmares and he's excited to see the next one tonight. I am too. :)

Tomorrow is my 27th birthday. I can't believe I'm going to be 27 already. 27 sounds so much older to me than 26; I guess it's because I consider it "late 20's" as opposed to "mid 20's". I don't have any real plans for my birthday. I'm taking Luke to his best friend's birthday party (at Chuck E Cheese, yuck) and my mom is coming down (oh goody). She'll be staying at the hotel at least, so that is a relief. She wanted to come down and I have a hard time saying no unless I have a good excuse. Our relationship is complicated, and I have a very hard time being around her for long periods of time, but she *is* my mother so I know I should try. Jay and I are going to go out to dinner tomorrow night and she's going to watch Luke.

I finally went back to the gym last night for the first time in over a week. On Wednesday of last week I got stung by something-a wasp or bee or something-and I had a terrible reaction to it. It wasn't a systemic reaction (thank goodness) but it was a "severe localized reaction" and I could barely walk. That made Legoland on Saturday very interesting (painful) but it doesn't hurt anymore. It still itches like mad occasionally though.

As I said we went to Legoland on Saturday. My youngest brother, Michael, came down for his birthday (which was the previous weekend). He is the one who has given us his old Star Wars legos and he always enjoyed Legos. I bought season passes for myself and Luke while we were there so I got two free tickets. With the passes you get free parking and 25% off of food so it actually ends up being a reasonable excursion. My brother loved it; I'm sure a lot of 22 year olds wouldn't, but the miniland USA is just incredible and he could appreciate the work that went into the Cape Canaveral section (among others). New York City is amazing; there is a working subway and central park, grand central station, etc. My favorite is probably San Francisco since I love the real place so much.

So I expect we'll be going to Legoland a lot more frequently in the future. It's a good place for Luke to go and run around, and I admit I enjoy it too.

Well, that summarizes my week I suppose. I am trying to decide now what to order from European Cross Stitch for my birthday. I'm leaning towards the kits for Mini J and Celtic Quilt but it's subject to change. I plan to get the Medieval Town Mandala, Japanese Garden, and anything else that's coming up soon also. I still need to live to be 300 to finish it all.

Harry Potter and Swim Lessons

2005-08-17T09:06:00.000-07:00

The title pretty much sums up what I've been doing for the past week. I have FINALLY decided that it's "okay" to read something even if "everybody else is" so I recently bought the first fice Harry Potter books. They're good! I guess I shouldn't be that surprised since nearly everyone I know has said that, but I was reluctant to jump on the bandwagon, I guess. Well, I stand corrected. I started reading the first one Tuesday of last week and by Friday night had finished the first two. I read the third one Saturday and I now have about 100 pages left of the fourth. My co-worker has lent me the sixth one also. Now I'll be stuck waiting around for book 7 like everyone else. I am really enjoying the series, though; I can't remember the last time I read a book that went so quickly! I read all 400-ish pages of book 3 saturday in addition to doing three loads of laundry, cooking breakfast and lunch for DS, cleaning the kitchen, taking DS to the pool, AND going out to dinner for 2.5 hours with DH and a couple he had been teaching to golf. Whew!

The only other thing I've been doing beside reading, working, and the occasional stitch or two is taking Luke to swimming lessons. He's been going twice a week to private lessons for the last several weeks. At the beginning of the summer he wouldn't go past the second step (even though he can reach the bottom of the 3' side, easily, since he's 44" tall) or put his face underwater. He's been making progress over the last month; he's been putting his head under for awhile and playing around a lot more, actually letting go of the wall and all. Well, I took him to the pool on Saturday and he started swimming. Swimming! With his arms and his head under the water and everything. During his swim lesson on Monday he swam into the middle of the pool (not just along the wall like he did over the weekend) and he jumped off the diving board by himself. Twice! Towards the end of the lesson his instructor tried to get him to jump from the edge of the pool (he's always been afraid to do it; this was just before the diving board). He finally did, and swam out to me and then back to the wall. For the next hour he jumped in and swam to me probably 20 times. It's amazing; I hoped he would learn to swim this summer but I had my doubts a couple times!

Yesterday was the first time we hadn't been to the pool in 5 days; I've been taking him to the pool 5-6 times a week for the last few weeks. It's all he wants to do, except play with his Star Wars legos. I've gotten really, really sick of going to the pool, but seeing him jump in and swim all by himself makes it totally worth it.

Well, so that's what I've been up to for the last week. Oh yes, and I bought a bunch of stitching stash on Friday (so much for the "wagon"). I ordered the two upcoming Just Nan shop exclusives at The Silver Needle, as well as another one that's coming out soon, some fabric at Silkweaver, a few patterns at Stitching Bits and Bobs (including Fish City and the new TW), the finishing kit for Mermaid Treasure Box, and I signed up for two more Chatelaine groups. None of it has arrived yet, but I'm looking forward to packages in the mail. The fabric from SW is for Fish City and a baby sampler I need to start ASAP. Like I didn't already have enough projects to last well into retirement (and beyond...) oh well.

Movies, Movies

2005-08-09T09:30:00.000-07:00

I haven't had a lot to write about lately. I guess I've been busy working, stitching, and trying to get back on the damn diet/exercise thing. I have seen some movies lately though, and so I thought I'd write about that. When I was pregnant with Luke, Jay and I used to go see movies all the time. At least once a week. Of course this was five years ago now; movies were a lot less expensive. I also still had a student ID since I had just graduated from college and a ticket was just $5.75. That sure has changed; we took Luke to his first movie over the weekend and a "bargain matinee" ticket was $6.50 and a children's ticket was $6. We won't even go see a movie in the evening anymore; I am NOT paying $9 for general admission when I can wait a few months and watch it at home on my fancy tv with the ability to pause and stitch.

So, Luke went to his friend's house two weekends ago and Jay and I went to see Wedding Crashers. It was entertaining. I like Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson, so I enjoyed it. Some parts were just dumb, but overall it was fun. This past Sunday Jay and I took Luke to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I'd have rather his first movie had been something like Madagascar, but it wasn't showing anymore. Oh well. I think he may have been a bit scared at times but he seemed to really enjoy it. He kept looking over at me and smiling and he was so good and quiet the whole time. During his bath that night he was acting things out with his toys. I was stitching in the bathroom so I was listening more than watching, but I heard "Willy Wonka" and "chocolate waterfall" at different points.

Last night after Luke was in bed we decided to watch Thirteen since it was on HBO On Demand. Wow, that was a dark movie. How terrifying it is to be a parent and imagine your child going down such a path. I hope and pray that I will raise my son well and that he will be a strong person able to avoid peer pressure and its potentially devastating consequences.

Well, this is a moderately short entry but it's something at least. Back to work!

Adventures in Family

2005-08-02T09:25:00.000-07:00

So I'm back from vacation. On the first night at the house in Bodega Bay my dad called it an "adventure in family" and it seemed appropriate to title this entry as such. More on that in a bit.

We drove to my mom's house Friday night, where we proceeded to stay up too late hanging out with my brothers. Saturday morning we were only half an hour into the drive when Luke threw up all over the car...yuck! By the way, the Harley dealer in Carpenteria was wonderful. They let us use their place to clean up Luke and the car.

We finally got to San Francisco at 4pm and spent the night at Jay's best friend's place in the city. He lives in this really old victorian (in a tiny studio) that had old glass doorknobs and I thought was just a gorgeous place. The building owner turned out to be, um, abrasive though. In fact, I had been composing a blog entry in my head about how much I loved San Francisco, and Luke was playing quietly with his legos (Jay and his friend were golfing) when she came up to the door and yelled at us for being "loud all night" according to another tenant. Um, yeah, we were there from 4-6 sitting on the couch chatting, then we went out and didn't get back until 10:45 and were asleep within 20 minutes. I was freaked out by it, and by the fact that I was about to leave to visit Rani in Hayward. Panic attacks while driving in a strange city are not fun.

I had a great visit with Rani and Ann (you two have got the cutest kids!!). Now I have several projects I really want to start after seeing their finishes that they brought. I managed to survive driving over the San Mateo bridge twice (I really hate bridges over water) but I never did get over to meet Tien like I hoped (if you read this, I'm really sorry!).

When we got back to the city, Jay said that there was a group of people that came in at 2-3am (hence the "loud all night" I guess?) but that it was on the floor above us. Well, the building owner stopped us as we were loading up the car and apologized for being rude to us earlier. She seemed like she was something of a busybody and I think since she didn't know Jay's friend was having people over she freaked. Anyway, I felt vindicated. It was amusing because I am the quiet one that has called the cops on loud parties in the past. That's right, I'm a loud partier all night. Ha! Those days are long behind me...

Sunday evening we drove up to Bodega Bay. Desite my aunt's terrible directions (in case you're wondering there is no exit for the 1 at Santa Rosa off the 101) we did eventually get there. The house, well, was a shock. There was nowhere near enough room for everyone and it seemed especially unfair that the cost was divided evenly when there were three bedrooms, my aunt and uncle had one to themselves for half the trip, and we got relegated to the downstairs living room sleeper sofa. Also there was a family invited that is a friend of my other aunt's and there was not enough room and they got a bedroom. Yes, they ended up being really nice, but they offered not to come if there wasn't enough room and my aunts insisted there was. Well yeah, for them, upstairs in the comfy rooms! There was just a real lack of consideration, and it didn't go unnoticed by others (like my cousin from Hawaii who slept on a cot when she paid the same for the house and had to pay for airfare too).

If we go on the group trip next year we will definitely be getting our own accomodations, I don't care if it's more expensive!! It wasn't just the rooms that were awful; there was also a lack of consideration in general. My dad and brother slept on the couches in the living room. Well, they were up until everyone else went to bed, often well after 12, and then my aunt would get up at 6am with other people and they would sit in the room and talk talk talk. Oh, and you could hear everything downstairs; if I hadn't brought earplugs I'd have gone nuts.

It was a strange trip for me; I've always loved my dad's side of the family, but a lot of things bugged me. My grandmother is 88 and she was really short-tempered (or you could even say bitchy without being off-base). I love her dearly, but she kept getting after Luke for various things and he was really quite well behaved. He is just a 4 year old boy with a lot of energy. Oh yes, and then there was the television. Jay sat in the corner watching tv occasionally, and if he got up to use the bathroom or anything my aunt would turn it off or turn the volume all the way down. But of course when she wanted to watch something it was all the way up.

I just got the impression this year that it wasn't really a "family" vacation; rather, it was my aunt's vacation and we were kind of invited along but no one was treated fairly.

It wasn't all bad though; it was nice to see everyone. My really cool uncle came down from Washington with the boat he built five years ago. He designed and built a 15' turn of the century design sailboat and it is amazing. Luke absolutely loved it and we took him out on it three different days. I also visited Fort Ross with my dad and brother and it was pretty amazing. It's this little Russian settlement from the 1800's and there is still a fair bit intact.

Jay and I ate at The Tides one morning, which is the location where they filmed part of The Birds (the gas station fire, for anyone who has seen it). I haven't seen the movie but I have to now that I've been there.

We left Bodega Bay Thursday afternoon and had dinner with another of Jay's friends in SF. Then we spent the night in Castro Valley with *another* of his friends who just had a baby (they also have a boy Luke's age). The boys had a great time playing and I was sorry to leave Friday morning.

After a long, arduous drive we got home late Friday night. I was pretty under the weather Saturday and Sunday so I basically sat home and stitched. I have finished part 3 of Alpine Garden now and am on part 4. I was sad to miss Terri's GTG on Saturday, but I wasn't feeling well and I just couldn't make the drive. Sorry, Terri! I really wanted to see everyone, too. Well, next time I guess.

So that's my long story from last week. Now it's back to work; I have to leave early today to take Luke to his swimming lesson.

Getting Ready For Vacation (#2)

2005-07-20T14:32:00.000-07:00

I haven't had a lot to say lately. I am keeping busy at work and I've been pretty busy at home and socially. Luke has been spending a tremendous amount of time at the pool; in fact I will be taking him to his swim lesson this afternoon and another on Friday. His instructor was out of town last week but we've been to the pool frequently; I bet she'll be surprised to see his progress (he will actually put his head under at the deep end while holding on to the wall, and at the shallow end he'll let go). We still have a long way to go before he is actually "swimming", but it's a start.

We leave for San Francisco/Bodega Bay this weekend. We'll be in San Francisco at Jay's best friend's place Saturday night and when they go to play golf on Sunday I'll be heading over to Rani's for the afternoon. I am really looking forward to the trip (and have even found a Starbucks within a couple miles from her house...).

We'll be driving up to Bodega Bay late Sunday afternoon where we'll be spending the week with my dad's side of the family (my 89 year old grandmother and various aunts/uncles/cousins). Despite my issues with my father, I do enjoy spending time with him (he'll be there also) and the extended family on his side is just awesome. My uncle Mike will be coming down from Washington and he'll be bringing the sailboat that he designed and built about 4-5 years ago. It is a classic turn of the century boat and is incredibly gorgeous. We went to Huntington Lake when Luke was ~7 months old and I took him out on the boat. Every year they generally do a camping trip, but after the week in the tent last year my grandmother has decided to take it a little easier. As much as I love camping (and I do!) I am relieved that we'll be in a house this year. Jay does NOT camp, so this will be the first year that he'll be going on the summer trip. I'm so happy that I won't have to drive (except Sunday to Rani's).

Since I will have a large amount of time in the car, I will be bringing my leprosy bandage crochet project (I may be up to 9 inches now...), Mystery 8, and Mini Mystery I. I really want to get back to Alpine Garden also, but I want to catch up on Mystery 8 first (or at least finish parts 4 and 5).

I have gotten sucked into Big Brother this year again (I blame it on DH since he is the one that started watching it during the second season). It is such a train wreck (to quote Rani, who nailed it with that comment). I am really looking forward to the next Amazing Race as I far prefer that show. I don't know that I would watch BB if it wasn't on during the summer when there is little else to watch. I know I wouldn't be watching it if I didn't stitch.

Well, I have to leave early to take Luke to the pool so I should finish what I was doing. I'll try to post another entry before I head out of town (or maybe I'll write one while I'm in Bodega Bay; I've already found a place with internet access there).

Thanks :)

2005-07-12T09:46:00.000-07:00

Thanks everyone for your kind words after my post yesterday. I know it was depressing but I really needed to get it out I guess. I'm feeling much better today and I know it is at least in part due to the kindness and support of you all.

Jenn I think every day about if/how I should talk to him about it. His sister has tried (in a somewhat abrasive manner, but she means well I know) and he just gets angry with her and I am not ready to try myself. Yet. I do believe in God and I pray about it and continue to hope that things can change or that I can find a way to talk to him about his self-destructive behavior. I know that I can't change either of my parents, but sometimes I do wish things were different. I believe that things happen for a reason, even if I don't like them or understand. Maybe I'll be better able to relate to someone someday because of what I've been through; I don't know. I just hope that something good comes from it all.

Well, other than feeling down about my dad, things are going pretty well. I watched Star Wars Episode 1 with Luke last night since Jay was playing in a "glow ball" tournament at work. I love how Luke acts things out with his Legos; he is so creative and it amazes me to watch him grow into a little boy. There is a lot in my life for which I am thankful, and I will try to focus on those things instead of the things that upset me that I cannot ever change.

About My Father

2005-07-11T08:59:00.000-07:00

My father came down to visit over the weekend as today is his birthday. I enjoy spending time with my dad but it gets harder every time I see him. For those who do not know, my father is a smoker (anyone who knows me at all well knows how much I abhor this particular habit) and he is an alcoholic. I feel anyone who drinks 12-18 beers on a nightly basis must be classified as an alcoholic. He claims that he "only" drinks 6-8 on weeknights, but since I only see him during weekends and/or vacations, I cannot speak as to the veracity of that statement.

His drinking caused a number of problems throughout my childhood. I don't know how many jobs he actually lost due to drinking, but I do know that I went to three different kindergardens, my family of five lived in a small motor home for awhile, and that I spent 8 months during junior high homeless; we lived in 8 different places during that time, including some campgrounds since it was summertime. I spend much of that time living away from my parents as we were split up staying with friends or people from church at the time. My father lived out of his car for awhile; it was not a pleasant time. It took me years to finally talk about it openly. I imagine most of my friends growing up never even knew. It is hard enough to be 13 without dealing with that kind of crap.

My mother attempted to overcompensate, and I know she meant well, but she was horrendously overprotective and verbally abusive. Anyway, it was not a happy childhood but we always had food and were never hit and I know plenty of people who had it much worse. I managed to excel in school--knowing it was my only way out--and I have mostly put those days behind me. Mostly. Until last night when Luke said something to Jay about wishing that his grampa didn't drink so much. I haven't said anything directly to my son about my father's drinking, but Jay and I have talked about it before so maybe he overheard. I know that he pays attention to things and I suppose this is a wake up call that I need to be mindful of what I say in his presence. Anyway it took me back to my childhood and how much I wished he would stop drinking and be a "normal" dad. I don't know what normal really is, but it can't be living in ~20 homes by age 17 or having nearly every promise broken when you're a child. I remember the smoking, too; he used to smoke a couple packs a day (he has supposedly cut back and is trying to quit, but I can still count and if he's cut back it hasn't been by much) and I came home from elementary school and begged him to stop smoking because we had learned what it does to your body. I flushed his cigarettes down the toilet, but all it did was make him angry.

It bothers me so much that Luke is already becoming aware of his smoking and drinking (he said something about the smoking while we were out at lunch on Saturday when my dad had finished early and gone outside to smoke). But what really bothers me is the fact that I cannot do a damn thing about my father's self-destructive behavior. He is so pleasant and optimistic and he talks about all the places he wants to go and the things he wants to do, and he talks about how much he loves us, but how can he say that when he is doing his damnedest to ensure an early demise? He talks about where he wants to retire and I want to scream at him about how can he possibly think he's going to live to retirement age at the rate he continues to poison his body. The effects of his self-inflicted destruction are becoming apparent; he shakes often and he actually seems drunk now, while he didn't for all those years. He looks older than he really is. It breaks my heart because today is his birthday and I can't help but wonder how many of them can he possibly have left.

Crocheting Reality Check

2005-07-08T09:53:00.000-07:00

I am surprised to see that it's been a week since I last wrote an entry. It doesn't seem like I've been that busy, but I guess I have. My best friend from high school, Maya, was down with her husband last weekend. We took Luke to the pool every day; he is turning into such a fish! He doesn't actually swim yet, but he has his first swimming lesson this afternoon. He loves the water, though...as long as he is still within an arms' length of the wall.

On one of the stitching boards that I frequent there was a recent discussion about helping Africa (extrapolate to any depressed/impoverished region of course) without sending money. Someone mentioned a cause where people crochet or knit leprosy bandages; apparently they are preferred over storebought for comfort, reusability, etc. Several people agreed to make some and I got excited and decided to join in also. I went to the local Michael's after work yesterday and purchased the correct size crochet hook (D and E) and some #10 white yarn. 1600 yards of it, in fact; I snatched up the last 4 of the 400 yard balls. This is the part where the reality check comes in: I sat down last night to start one. I have never used #10 yarn before; I've only used the standard (worsted weight I guess?) that you'd use with like a G or H hook. I am also very much a novice crochet-er. Well, nearly three hours later, I have it started: it's about 3.5 inches wide and (drumroll please) 2.5 inches long. Um, it's supposed to be 4 *feet* long. So, I figure, in another 23 days or so I may have one finished if I don't work on anything else. Yikes! I'm hoping that my skills improve so it isn't so torturously slow. In the interest of full disclosure I did spend more than an hour trying to do the first two damn rows. Once I got into row 3 or 4 it was easy, but I must have ripped out the first row probably 20 times or more. The website with the instructions said not to worry about it being "perfect", but I wasn't even aiming for perfect. Well, I hope it will get easier with practice. I have a long car ride coming up at the end of the month and I expect this will help pass the time.

In different news I have been really slacking in the exercise arena lately. I've felt really under the weather the last couple days; I don't know if I'm sick or if it's allergies, but I feel like crap. I was really disappointed to not make it to kickboxing yesterday but I just wasn't up to it.

Well, I need to get back to work. I have working hardware now (yay!) and it's time to verify that everything works. Have a great weekend, everyone. :)

Busy Week

2005-07-01T15:00:00.000-07:00

I kept meaning to blog throughout the week but time got away from me somehow. It's now Friday afternoon and I'm waiting to hear back from my best friend from high school (Maya) who is on her way down to visit this weekend. She and her husband are coming to visit; it should be a lot of fun. They are planning to buy a home so I'll bet a weekend away from the stress will be good for them!

I finally have my own office at work again, complete with a nice work/lab area in the back. It's so nice to not have to completely dismantle my test setup if I need to solder something. Now I'll have to find something new to complain about. It's been a good week at work; I found and fixed a problem in the firmware that I "inherited" and I am really starting to get the hang of this whole designing thing.

I have made it to the gym three times this week so far. I ran on Wednesday night and I was so sore Thursday but I went to kickboxing anyway. It's so easy to be lazy and skip the gym, but I always feel remarkably better when I go.

Last night I got sucked in to "Empire Falls" on HBO. It was good (but sad) but it kept us up until 12:30am. We set the DVR to tape the second half and then stayed up and watched it anyway. I really don't feel much more tired than normal though; maybe I will always be tired regardless of how much sleep I get. I don't know.

Stitching news-I pulled Noah's Sub back out a couple nights ago. I'm maybe 40% done and would like to finish it this year. Of course I want to finish a lot of things this year and I know it won't all happen. We're going to Bodega Bay for a week at the end of the month so I need to settle on a travel project.

We'll be staying in a vacation house on the bay this year instead of the annual camping trip. My dad's side of the family goes on a camping trip every year. Last year we spent a week at Wright's Lake (well, I went with Luke and my dad for 3 or 4 days only, but most of the rest of them were there for a week) near Tahoe. It was a tiny alpine lake at 7000' and was beautiful and serene. My grandmother is 88 now though and, though she slept for the week in her tent last year (she rocks!!) it is getting harder on her to go camping. So, since this year's trip will be in a house, Jay is going to go too. We're going to spend the night in San Francisco with his best friend on the way up. I like San Francisco; it's one of my favorite cities (as long as I don't have to drive, especially in my little stick shift car). I'm hoping to get together with some friends from the stitching bb's while I'm there (Jay will probably be playing golf). Rani, I'll e-mail you soon to work out details!

Well, that's about it. Have a happy 4th (or Canada day or weekend) everyone!

Back From Vacation

2005-06-27T16:35:00.000-07:00

We returned from Myrtle Beach, SC late Friday night. Despite an hour long wait for our bags (and a brief moment of panic when the airport mis-announced that all the bags from our flight had been put on the carousel) we made it home without much excitement. The trip was far better than I had originally feared; the nephew that was so dreadful two years ago has really turned his life around and it was really pleasant in the house. He and his girlfriend even came with us to take all ten kids to mini golf. I am not sure what we were thinking; they were 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 12, 12, and 12. We took them to ice cream afterwards and there was a couple at the ice cream shop who said, in a hushed, horrified voice "oh my gosh there are *ten* of them!). It was pretty hilarious since only one child was ours and our nephew and his girlfriend don't have any kids.

The highlight of the trip was that Melissa and her daughter, Ursula, came down for the last two nights. It was great fun to meet in person and watch her daughter experience the beach for the first time. I had a wonderful visit and it made me sad that Charlotte, NC is so far away!

Luke seems to have gone through another large developmental growth spurt while we were gone. This has happened in past years. The first few days he wouldn't go past the second step in the pool, despite the fact that he's tall enough to stand in the 3' end. Finally, on Thursday, he got all the way in. Maybe it was because he saw Ursula in the water having fun and she's almost 2 (vs. his 4.5 years). I don't know. But he loves the pool now and I took him again yesterday after we got home. I've signed him up for swimming lessons and those will be starting next week. He has also gotten over his mortal fear of dogs. My neighbor has the most awesome golden retriever, Oliver, and in the past Luke has been terrified whenever we see them. Yesterday we went over and he didn't want up, he walked right over to Oliver and played with him. We went with them to the park and it was amazing to see the transformation in my child. I'm hoping that he'll consider going on the two "big" rollercoasters at Legoland now, too, but I'm not going to push it. Yet.

Well, I'm exhausted and I need to go pick him up from preschool. He started in the "big" class today-the pre-k class. He was so excited this morning. I just wanted to write a quick update so no one thought I had disappeared or anything. :)

Water Drama

2005-06-16T09:36:00.000-07:00

Living in a townhome or condo sucks for many reasons. The reasons I had before last night were pretty understandable: no private backyard, shared walls, a crappy home owner's association that continues to raise fees but doesn't actually *fix* anything. Well, two nights ago I noticed water on the kitchen floor seeping from the baseboard, and last night I have developed a new reason for wanting to move out of the townhome and into a "real" house: sharing a common wall with a renting tenant that doesn't fix anything.

I was a renter for many years and I feel I was rather conscientious. I always took good care of my home (even if it was a run-down hovel near the beach) and we fixed little things (drawers, toilets, etc) as they needed fixing. I know that not all renters are inherently bad. But the ones next door...I don't know if the problem is that they don't call the owner to fix things or the the owner is negligent, but I suspect it is the former.

I noticed the water Tuesday night. Jay checked under the sink (since the water was seeping out just below the sink cupboard) and it was dry. He checked all around the various items that require plumbing: dishwasher, washing machine, water heater, all dry. So he goes next door. The common wall has our kitchen and laundry room and on their side a half bath and their laundry room. They have probably three times as much water standing in their place, and don't seem in a particular hurry to do anything about it. We mop it up on our side, they mop it up on their side, and we decide to wait a day to see if it comes back/determine where the leak is originating. Yesterday morning there was no water; last night, there was a small lake covering our entire kitchen. Thank goodness we have real tile and not linoleum. I love our tile; it was my favorite thing when we bought the place. But I digress. Jay arrived home first since I had to pick up Luke at preschool, and he noticed the water because he saw Abby (one of the kittens) go sliding and splashing across the kitchen.

So, he goes to see the woman that is on the HOA board to find out what to do since it looks like a problem in the wall between the units. She says it's not the HOA's problem (we later find out this is true because each unit has its own water lines coming from the garage, but I'll get to that). We call the plumber who is, thankfully, very familiar with these townhomes, having lived in one himself years ago. Since Jay called the plumber (had we waited on the next door neighbor it never would have happened), they came to our place first. He looked around and listened to the pipes and spent maybe three minutes there and then went next door. The leak was in their upstairs bathroom piping somewhere. The neighbor's water main is stuck so they shut off water to the whole building (we had to deal with a pissed off neighbor later because they didn't tell anyone they were turning off the water, they just did it). Finally it is repaired and we have water again a couple hours later.

There are a few things that really bother me about this incident but the biggest one is this: we leave in two days for Myrtle Beach. It was obvious that the neighbors weren't going to call their landlord or a plumber or do anything about it. What if this had happened while we were gone?! Our whole kitchen would have been ruined (except the beautiful tile). Thankfully we have someone house-sitting for us since we have the kittens, but I would have hated for her to have to deal with that.

So I have GOT to really work hard to pay off our bills so we can move before something else happens in that place. This isn't the first incident with the neighbors. Their kids are out of control; I've come home from work to find them *on our roof* throwing basketballs at each other. There is no supervision. I cannot wait for the day that we get to move to a real house and leave the townhome/condo drama behind. Then if there is a problem it is OUR problem and we can deal with it promptly and correctly.

A Much Better Day

2005-06-14T09:13:00.000-07:00

Sunday got worse before it got better; I finally had my last load of laundry in the dryer when I heard a loud pop and the power went out. I went outside to see what had happened, and the transformer across the street had leaked oil, overheated, and blown up. So, we wait for EIGHT hours (2:17pm to just after 10pm) without power. I finally finished my laundry shortly after 11pm, and things are back to normal now.

Yesterday was substantially better than the weekend. Jay took the PGA playing ability test (PAT) again yesterday and passed. He didn't just PASS though, he passed with five strokes to spare and shot his very first par. Last night we broke out the bottle of Dom that we had been saving for this occasion, and so I'm a little sluggish today but fortunately he drank more of the bottle than I did so I'm not too under the weather!

I had a good day yesterday, too. There are many times at work when I don't feel like I have it together. It isn't that I'm incompetent, it's just that my closest peers are 10 years my senior, and it is hard to make up for 10 fewer years of experience. There are moments of clarity however where I feel justified in calling myself an engineer and I really understand and feel like I'm in my element. Yesterday was one of those moments. I was discussing an upcoming design with a co-worker (whose *kids* are almost my age, but anyway...) and I just GOT it. I know how to proceed with the design and can make good progress on my own before the next design review. It was a great day.

We have so much to do this week before leaving for Myrtle Beach on Saturday; today we have to take the kittens in to get their next vaccinations, Jay has TWO dentist appointments this week, Luke's new bed will be delivered on Thursday (which means I need to drive down and pay the remaining balance in person tonight because stupid Jerome's won't take payment over the phone), and of course I need to straighten the house somewhat and pack. It will be nice to be on vacation though, even though I'm hoping to get some software that I need to work remotely (a little bit). I am looking forward to my sister-in-law's peach dacquiris. :)

Miscellaneous Weekend Post

2005-06-12T11:49:00.000-07:00

Thanks everyone for your kind words. I thought we were out of the woods last night and then I ended up sleeping in Luke's room and woke up at 2:45am to him throwing up *in my hair*. Most unpleasant! He seems fine today, but I am keeping him as mellow as possible. We borrowed Star Wars episodes 1 and 2 from a co-worker of mine, so he's watching tv right now. I try not to let him watch too much tv, but if it keeps him still for awhile so his body can recover, I am okay with that! But my goodness, I am so sick of doing laundry.

On the stitching front I finished some things recently. When I try to insert pictures here it screws up my formatting (I need to change the sizing in my template soon) so in the meantime here are a couple links:

Dr. Seuss piece for Luke's room and Truswell's Winters Reflections.

I'm working on Mini Mystery H (halfway done) and Taj Mahal Garden right now. Despite the fact that I spent most of my day yesterday cleaning the house, I did get a fair bit of stitching done recently.

We leave next Saturday for our trip to Myrtle Beach, and I just found out two days ago that Jay's oldest sister's kids are going to be there. I am so disappointed. If it was just the girl it would be fine; she's real nice and just a little younger than I am (Jay being older than I and the fourth of five kids). The boy, however, is trouble. He always brings a bunch of people with him and they are drunk and stoned the whole time. Jay made it very clear to his parents that if they're using drugs in the house then they are GONE. It complicates sleeping arrangements because both of them are bringing someone, but it will work out in the end. (Don't worry Melissa; Jay assures me that we'll still have room for you and U, and there are two unused rooms at the house where his parents will be. I'll e-mail you this week to work out details.) Last year they weren't there and it was such a peaceful time in the house.

Oh yes, and there was an earthquake this morning about 50 miles (or so) away from here. It was a 5.6 so it woke me up (I don't usually get to sleep in past 8, but with the 3am ordeal I couldn't force myself to wake up yet). Luke was awake playing in the living room and I realized to my chagrine that it's been such a long time since we've had an earthquake that I hadn't taught him what to do in one.

Well, I think I'll take advantage of Luke's downtime and stitch some. The kittens have discovered the computer (they like to chase the cursor) and Abby is sniffing around on the desk. It makes it difficult to type when you have kittens trying to attack the screen!

Home Today...

2005-06-10T16:05:00.000-07:00

Luke threw up in my car last night and continued to throw up throughout the night, so I have been home with him today. The (dis?)advantage to having a flexible job is that I am the one who gets sick duty the majority of the time. Oh well. I did bring some work home but I have not accomplished much. I borrowed Episodes 1 and 2 (Star Wars) from a co-worker so I let him watch those today. At least it kept him still so he could get some rest, even if he wouldn't sleep.

Not much else is really going on right now. I'm very worried about getting the stomach flu this time since last year he was sick just before our trip to Myrtle Beach (annual in-law trip) and I got it too and it was horrible. We leave a week from tomorrow. I can't believe the trip is only a week away!

Well, I need to move the laundry and try to get some work done. The kittens have been sleeping for quite awhile; they should be up and about soon. All three of them slept with Luke last night. It was really sweet since he was sick; two were curled up on his pillow and the other one was at his feet. Well hopefully I won't end up with the flu this year; there is just too much to do in the coming week.

Star Wars, Episode 3

2005-06-08T09:18:00.000-07:00

I have a friend who I used to see most weekends who has become particularly flaky this year. In the last two months we've seen each other twice, and had tentative plans to do something the last two weekends but she heads out of town with her new rock climbing friends, not calling until Sunday evening. It's been really frustrating, and I've been trying to be nice about it because I know she's had a rough couple of years. Anyway, when she called this past Sunday apologizing for another "disappearing act", she offered to come watch Luke this week so Jay and I could go see a movie. We hadn't seen Revenge of the Sith yet, so we took her up on it and went last night.

When I picked up Luke from preschool yesterday he and two friends wanted to climb on "the rock" (it's a giant rock in the parking lot that really lends itself to climbing). So I chatted with the two other parents for a bit. Both of them had taken their boys (ages 4 and 5, respectively) to see the movie in the theater. The one with the 4 year old hadn't seen it ahead of time, either. I have to say I am completely shocked. I know that Luke is completely enamored with Star Wars, but after all I'd heard about it, there was no WAY I'd take him to see it, especially without watching it myself first. I'm not super conservative, nor do I try to shield my child from everything; in fact he's seen episodes 2, 4, 5, and 6, and Pirates of the Caribbean. I just think this last one was too graphic for a 4 year old to be watching. Now, when it is out on DVD I can see skipping the gruesome parts I guess, but I am just stunned that his best friend's mom took her son to see it. He comes over to our house a lot and he is always starting things, is a little bit more violent, etc.

Oh well; I know I'm not the perfect parent either. It just really surprised me that she would take him to see it without having it seen it herself first.

It was nice to get out for the evening for a change; I can count the number of movies I've seen in the theater since Luke has been born on both hands and when I was pregnant we saw movies nearly every weekend. It has gotten a bit more expensive since then, though! I think for the most part we will be waiting for the DVD's to come out from now on. The movie sure was depressing, but I was expecting it at least. I am glad I saw the movie since I have seen all the others (numerous times), but it was painful to watch.

A Movie Tag

2005-06-05T10:44:00.000-07:00

Well, Terri tagged me a few days ago and I am finally getting to it. It's been a busy week, between work, kittens, and the stress of my mother visiting for the weekend. We have a complicated relationship and even 5 months of therapy is not quite enough I guess. Well she's on her way home now and it is so quiet. I think she is not comfortable with silence; that or she likes to hear herself talk, I don't know. What I do know is that it is completely exhausting. Well, on to the tag:

1) Total number of films I own on DVD/video:

We have very few movies on video/DVD. In fact, I can probably name them all: Star Wars Trilogy on DVD, LOTR Extended editions, Pirates of the Caribbean, Reno 911 season 1, Malcolm in the Middle season 1, Napoleon Dynamite, Cool Hand Luke, and Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail. That's it. Well, and the Veggie Tales/Thomas the Tank Engine/Ewoks DVDs that Luke has. I have a handful of movies on VHS that my mom bought for me but since we no longer have a VHS player in the living room, they rarely get watched.

2) The last film I bought:

Star Wars Trilogy (episodes 4-6). I went to five stores to find it for Luke last weekend and ended up paying far more than I should have since the only place that had it was Borders. Oh well, it was worth it.

3) The last film I watched:

On DVD: Return of the Jedi. At the Theater: The Bourne Supremacy (yes, it's been almost a year since I went to a movie at the theater. We're going to see Revenge of the Sith though).

4) Five films that I watch a lot or that mean a lot to me (in no particular order):

Lord of the Rings: I've been a Tolkien fan since the first time I read the Hobbit and LOTR when I was in 6th grade. Though I wish the movies had been exactly like the books, they are still my favorite movies ever.

Dangerous Beauty: I really love this movie; it is one of the few that I have on VHS that I plan to replace with a DVD. This was probably my favorite movie before LOTR came out.

Star Wars: As an engineer (read: nerd) I really enjoy the Star Wars movies. It's hilarious now to see the "high tech" features in 4-6, but still they are classics.

Indiana Jones: I love Harrison Ford and IMO these are classics also.

Ever After: Okay, not a wonderful movie, but a fairy tale and it has Drew Barrymore. If I need a chick flick moment, this is the movie I choose (hmmm, maybe it should be replaced on DVD too...)

Tag 5 people:
Since this one has been around for awhile I'll refrain from tagging. I intended to get to it sooner but it's been such a busy week. Now if you all don't mind, I think I need to play with some kittens.

A Few Kitten Pictures

2005-06-02T13:56:00.000-07:00

I know that Terri has tagged me on the video subject and I'll get to it soon, really. This is going to be a very quick post to share some kitten pictures. We got them last night (finally!!) and it was soooo hard to make myself go to work this morning. Abby is the tortie, Felix is the black kitten, and Oscar is the orange tabby. We're going to have our hands full with this motley group!

I tried inserting the pictures but they're too big and screw up my page formatting. Until I size them down at home (tonight? tomorrow?) here is the link. Click on any of the thumbnails for a bigger picture!

kittens

Tagged Again

2005-05-28T16:21:00.000-07:00

I've been tagged again, this time by Terri. Since it's about books, one of my very favorite things, I suppose I will oblige and fill it out myself.

1) Total number of books I’ve owned:

Several hundred, maybe a thousand. It's really hard to say!

2) The last book I bought:

"Mostly Harmless" by Douglas Adams; for some reason I had all of the others except for that one.

3) The last book I read:

I just finished "So Long and Thanks for All the Fish" by Douglas Adams and am reading "Mostly Harmless" now.

4) 5 books that mean a lot to me (not those I think are the best, but ones that have a special place for me):

Lord of the Rings-Tolkien: My all time favorite book(s) ever; I re-read them every year around Christmastime, starting with The Hobbit.

The Oval Amulet-not sure of the author: I read this as a kid and it stayed with me for a long time. It is no longer published anymore and if I find it again I WILL buy it.

The Clan of the Cave Bear series-Jean Auel: my dad recommended I read this when I was in college. It is one of the few things he's done right in my life (and I sincerely wish I was exaggerating more than just a little, but that is for another entry). I really hope she finishes the series someday; it's another one that I plan to re-read many times.

The Mists of Avalon-Marion Zimmer Bradley: when Jay and I were dating and we went through an on/off phase, this was one of the books I read in the "off" phase. It was a really emotional time for me and the absolutely perfect book at the time.

The Bible: Despite the fact that I don't have a "home" church right now, my faith is still very important to me. I don't read my Bible as much as I should, but it has been a tremendous source of comfort to me in times of need.

5) Tag 5 people and have them fill this out on their blogs:
Since I'm answering this so late and nearly everyone I know online has filled this one out, I will refrain from tagging this time around.

I am Drained

2005-05-25T09:48:00.000-07:00

Gosh what a rough couple of days. I feel completely emotionally exhausted and I was just (thank goodness) a bystander. In the last week or so there have been rumors flying around the group where I used to work about layoffs. It finally happened yesterday; 120 people (out of 700). Many of whom I know, including one VERY good friend of mine. Fortunately he and several others already have offers from elsewhere in the company, but it's just been dreadful to watch. I am so thankful that I moved divisions last September, even though I have spent the last 8.5 months sharing an office. Well the group that was loath to give us any office space and locked us out of the lab will now be vacating many offices in the coming weeks. This is really not how I wanted it to happen, though. I've been in the same building as most of these people for three years now, and it is excruciating to see good people get hurt because of some bad decisions made by people I didn't care for. Well that's all I'll say as I don't want to be specific since this is the internet. Suffice it to say I'm worn out.

We should be getting our new kittens Saturday morning as long as they have put on sufficient weight. When I checked with the foster family Sunday they were well on track. I'm planning to relax this weekend, play with kittens, spend some serious time at the gym (or exercising outside) and I'll be going to a BBQ Sunday with some friends from college. Most of us have kids now or are married and it's always fun to catch up with them.

On a stitching note I finished the Dr. Seuss Forever and Ever piece on Monday. I will try to take a picture of it at lunch today. I started a small piece last night on a whim; it's the Truswell 2003 limited edition kit (the Winter Reflections one on the Silkweaver purple opalescent fabric). It should go quickly; I just needed to work on something different for a change. I pulled out my Mystery 8 and worked on it for awhile but really wasn't into it last night. It will be nice to have a couple finishes close together for a change.

Unfortunately Jay needs some costly dental work so our budget will be derailed for the next couple months. I've resigned myself to the fact that we won't be moving in the immediate future. I guess I can live with two years; then all of our debt will be gone and we won't have to use all of our income for a mortgage payment. I was watching a special last night (on PBS or the Discovery channel; I can't remember which) about National Park Lodges and I realized that I have not done nearly as much travel in recent years and I really miss it. I wish I lived in an area where a house would be affordable with money left over for extras, but I just can't see leaving San Diego anytime soon. Oh well; aside from the drama yesterday, I really can't complain. It sure is somber here at work today, though.

Kittens! Kittens! Kittens!

2005-05-18T08:47:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the comments again about the house; Sue do you have a blog? I want to make sure I have it linked if you do. :) If not I'm still happy to "see" you online and thank you for the encouragement with the whole house thing. Jay and I talked about it last night and we have decided we will look next summer. When we drove to visit the kittens last night (more on that in a bit!) we drove most of the way to where I'd have to drive if we moved to that area and I've decided the commute is doable-I guess. We will keep Luke in his preschool for one more year and then try to buy a house in Carlsbad the summer before kindergarden. If nothing else, knowing that that house was there should help keep me focused on our financial goals.

So, kittens! We visited the foster house last night. The litter at the foster house was rescued with their mother from the Los Angeles pound at 2 weeks old. Apparently at that age they euthanize the kittens because they don't have the means/space/etc to care for them properly. Thank goodness for organizations like this rescue group that we found. There were five kittens in the litter and the mother and two of the kittens had already been adopted. The remaining kittens were a female tortie, a male orange tabby, and a male black long hair. We were only planning to take two, but I couldn't leave the last one all alone so we ended up adopting the remaining three! I don't have pictures of them yet but I will share them when I do. We should be able to pick them up in about two weeks; they still have to be neutered and the orange tabby is the runt of the litter so he needs to bulk up another 9 ounces before they'll be able to perform the procedure.

Well that gives me two weeks to declutter the house and remove things that kittens can decimate. I am so excited; I haven't had kittens since I was a little kid and I know Luke is going to have so much fun with them. It is a good day. :)

More About the House

2005-05-17T09:38:00.000-07:00

Thanks Faith Ann and Christine for your comments. Faith Ann: I'm not sure why they said it would be good as a retirement home; it would be the perfect house for us, a young family.

Christine: property taxes are 1.25% so assuming we could get it at $600,000 it would be $625/month. The same house where we live right now would be aroung $480,000-$520,000 and in the beach community where we lived two years ago it would be about $900,000. We make pretty good money; I don't know how the "average" family can afford to live here.

I showed it to Jay last night and he spent an hour looking at jobs online in the area. It's about 25 minutes away (worse with traffic) and we could only afford to have one person driving a long commute. There are several golf-related companies and courses in the area so he could get a better job there and be able to pick up Luke from school. We seriously looked at it last night, but it would be such a stretch. We'd be left with $250/week for food, gas, etc and I'd have to fill up the gas tank ($26) once every 6 days. I am so sad; if all of our other bills were paid off we could buy it now! Argh!

Realistically, we will probably look to move in 1 year. By then we'll have the tv, computer, car, my student loan, and most of the equity line paid off, leaving just the one credit card with the balance transfer at 1.9% on it. Also we really like Luke's preschool and he won't start Kindergarden until fall 2006. I know I shouldn't have looked, but Jay had been talking so much about wanting to live near the beach and I wanted to see if it would even be possible. Almost!

The good news is that this has been an eye opener for me and I am motivated to eat at home and not buy anything unnecessary so that we really can get out of debt and buy a house.

On a very happy note though, we get to visit the kittens tonight. If all goes well we'll be picking out two to take home in another week or two after they've been neutered. Luke still insists that we should get three, but he's not the one that will be scooping the litter boxes. I am really excited to be getting kittens. :)

I Found My Dream Home...

2005-05-16T14:24:00.000-07:00

Too bad it's two years too early: It's Perfect! Jay wants to live closer to the beach and I want a backyard that is big enough for a play structure for Luke. This house is perfect. If all of our other debts were paid off right now we could buy it. Sigh. Well knowing this is out there gives me hope that we can reach a reasonable compromise. It is very unlikely that we'll be able to buy this one, but maybe there will be another one like it when we're ready. Hmm, maybe if we went with an interest only loan to get our feet in the door...the potential for that kind of loan to backfire is so great though. I guess I'll just keep dreaming.

I've been tagged

2005-05-15T15:33:00.000-07:00

Well, I've been tagged by Faith Ann so here goes...

I pick five things from the following list, and then complete the sentence, and then go on and tag another 3 people.

If I could be a scientist . . .
If I could be a farmer . . .
If I could be a musician . . .
If I could be a doctor . . .
If I could be a painter . . .
If I could be a gardener . . .
If I could be a missionary . . .
If I could be a chef . . .
If I could be an architect . . .
If I could be a linguist . . .
If I could be a psychologist . . .
If I could be a librarian . . .
If I could be an athlete . . .
If I could be a lawyer . . .
If I could be an inn-keeper . . .
If I could be a professor . . .
If I could be a writer . . .
If I could be a llama-rider . . .
If I could be a bonnie pirate . . .
If I could be an astronaut . . .
If I could be a world famous blogger . . .
If I could be a justice on any one court in the world . . .
If I could be married to any current famous political figure . . .

1. If I could be a doctor I would spend some time every year working through one of those charity groups that provide medical care to third world countries or war torn areas.

2. If I could be a missionary I'd go to far away places and teach people how to read and take care of themselves.

3&4. If I could be a professor and scientist I'd study astronomy or volcanology and do research in Hawaii and exotic places and then have an unassuming teaching position Indiana Jones style.

5. If I could be a linguist I'd become fluent in as many languages as I could and work as a translator for the UN.

So, who's left to tag? If you've already been tagged then feel free to ignore this :) I tag: Melissa, Rani, and Susan.

Okay, it's Sunday afternoon so therefore I'm off to finish the laundry and clean the house as much as I can bear. I'll try to write a "real" entry again sometime soon.

Mother's Day, etc

2005-05-11T15:52:00.000-07:00

So Mother's Day was Sunday; not that it was different from any other day. I don't expect Jay to really do anything since I'm not his mother and all, but since Luke is only 4 it would be nice if he would help Luke to do something. Oh well. He did stay home with him Monday when he was sick so I didn't have to miss work. Of course he was off and all he missed was golf (he did golf Tuesday) but still it was nice to not have to use my vacation time to take care of a sick kid. I have enough accrued now for our week in Myrtle Beach next month, finally.

I have decided to re-join "The Wagon" until my birthday in August. I have spent too much money on myself lately and I really need to concentrate on paying off our bills so we can afford a "real" house. In addition to not buying any stitching items (except my pre-defined exceptions of the Mini Mystery I kit and the Celtic Quilt part C group) I am planning to not buy clothes or any unnecessary items either. The exception to that is that when I reach 135 pounds (I'm at 143.5 right now) I can buy myself a couple outfits of nice workout clothes.

I went to the gym last night and I'm planning to go tonight and tomorrow too. I took Monday off; in addition to Luke being sick I decided that two weeks in a row of almost vomiting on the elliptical (thanks to Fear Factor's dreaded stunt #2) were enough. I try not to watch but since I can't read on the elliptical there are only so many other places to look besides straight ahead. By the time I would have gone Monday it was just after 8, and I didn't really want to go any later.

So in stitching news I am almost done with my dreaded Dr. Seuss piece for Luke's room. I don't know what I'll work on next; it will probably be back to Mystery 8 and Alpine.

Still no kittens yet. Soon though, I hope!

Well that's it. Hopefully blogger will let me post this...

Just a Few Things

2005-05-06T09:32:00.000-07:00

It's been an up and down week. I looked at the Escondido Humane Society website earlier this week and saw so many cats and kittens on the site (updated the day I checked, so it said) and so we took off early on Tuesday to go adopt kittens. Yeah, right! The lady at the Humane Society was a TOTAL bitch, and aside from that they didn't have kittens "available" anyway. We couldn't even pick them out and pay the adoption fee and wait for them to be ready; her excuse was "they aren't in a public area". Well then why the *hell* are they posted on your website, huh? If she had been a tolerable person I would not have been quite so upset, but man was she awful. I have spoken to a handful of people since then who have had bad experiences with her (or that particular Humane Society in general).

Fortunately I found an awesome cat rescue organization here Kitties I have filled out their questionnaire and we are "pre-approved" to adopt kittens. In another week or so there should be a litter ready for visits and then we go from there. The woman on the phone was *so* nice (and said that many people with whom she'd spoken had complained about the EHS) and it's such a great organization. Rather than having a main shelter with cages they actually have all of their cats housed in foster homes. And it's a no-kill shelter too. So, now we wait; Luke is not being the most patient of course, he wants a kitten NOW, but then he is 4.

And now I have a couple non-related co-worker rants because if I don't say *something* I will go postal on a couple of people with offices near mine:
1. Please please please go to the doctor or just STAY HOME!! I have listened to you cough all week and I'm about to lose it. I can't close my office door because I share my office with another (male) engineer (which is totally unfair since you are an admin and don't need the extra space like I do, but that's a different rant and not your fault) and even with my headphones on it doesn't drown out the racket. Oh good Lord please just GO AWAY!!!
2. Is it really necessary for you to *bathe* in cologne so that it can be smelled halfway across the building, and if you're going to be so discourteous as to use speaker phone all day (at maximum volume) could you at LEAST close the door? See item 1 about why I can't close mine.
3. Is there a particular reason why the construction across the hall has to be done during business hours? If I hear a jackhammer one more time someone is gonna get it.

Okay, that's enough for today. Have a lovely weekend everyone. :)

It works, it works!

2005-05-01T14:37:00.000-07:00

At last, my ipod shuffle works. I am so happy!! I hadn't tried it with my laptop because it only had windows 2000 sp3 and I didn't think the USB port was 2.0. Well, the USB port *is* 2.0, and my brother downloaded sp4 for me while he watched Luke when I went to the gym yesterday (what a good brother). I spent several hours last night and this morning converting songs and fit 260 songs in 976MB. The capacity is 990 so when Jay gets home I can take the two CD's out of his car that have songs I want to add. Now I have no excuse when it comes to exercise, except being lazy of course. :)

I weighed in yesterday at 143.5, down another pound since the last time I weighed. Just 18.5 more to go! I am still only running/walking a little over 2 miles in 30 minutes; last time was 2.18 and the time before was 2.25. I feel like I will never be in shape, but all I can do is keep trying, right?

Well, I have to go fold laundry and then I'm going to stitch some since I didn't stitch at all last night (too busy converting songs!).

About the Ipod...

2005-04-29T10:38:00.000-07:00

Thanks Melissa for your kind offer to take the shuffle off my hands, but I have not yet given up hope that I can get it working. :)

Annette I will probably send you a note next week if I'm still having trouble. My brother is coming down this weekend and he built his own computer so I'm hoping he can help me troubleshoot this problem. When I went up to visit last weekend his computer acknowledged the shuffle's existence so maybe he can help. He refused to put itunes on his machine though, and I didn't have my CD's there to compile a playlist anyway. I've meant to get my playlist ready to go this week for when it does eventually work, but I haven't gotten to it. I'll be sure and post something if/when it decides to cooperate. It is so cute and little and perfect for running; I so want it to work!! Unfortunately we don't have a Mac; I have a friend with one and that will be my last resort since it will be a hassle.

On a sad note, it looks like we will be euthanizing our cat, Willie, this afternoon. He is 11 and has a fibrosarcoma. It was diagnosed in November and to be honest I didn't think he'd make it much past January. He is huge, 26 pounds, and we think that the fat made it difficult for the tumor to grow inside. It ended up growing out to the surface and broke through the skin a few weeks ago. He now has a gaping hole on his side and is clearly suffering. :( Jay is devastated; the two of them have an unnatural bond and it is going to be *ugly*. Prayers and good thoughts would be most welcome.

Well, that about sums it up for today. I did go to the turbo kickboxing class yesterday for the 5th consecutive week. I love that class; the instructor is *amazing*. I'm not even sore today, so I must be getting in shape (albeit slowly). I'm hoping I can get some running in this weekend but Jay has to work all weekend and my brother will be here. It should be a decent weekend though, and if the shuffle will start working I will be ecstatic. Have a nice weekend, everyone.

Nothing Much

2005-04-27T15:57:00.000-07:00

I haven't had much to say lately I suppose. I went "home" (though it doesn't feel like home anymore) last weekend. I took Luke to the Day Out With Thomas in Fillmore and he had a wonderful time. I then went to see my best friend, Maya, in a production of Fiddler on the Roof. It was amazing! She was Zeitel; I was not familiar with the play so I didn't realize that it was a pretty major part. The actor that played Tevye was amazing and should be doing much more prominent plays/parts than a role at the Camarillo Community Theater.

I've felt somewhat melancholy lately. It isn't anything particular; I just think that seeing friends from high school and visiting my family has put me in the past a little bit. I have come to the realization that not even time can heal all wounds. There are some that just cut too deep, and though time can push them from your mind and make them more of a dull ache rather than a stabbing pain, well, it cannot eradicate them completely. I know in a couple weeks I will have pushed it back to the deepest recesses of my mind again, to remain there until some other time.

Ah, well. That can't be helped. Life happens, and I guess we all grow from our experiences even if some of them are heart wrenching. On a more positive note I have had some minor success with exercising. I have gone to the gym almost every day the last couple weeks (except during the weekend when I was out of town). I am now able to run/walk 2.25 miles in 30 minutes as of last night, up from 2 miles last week. It's small progress, but it is progress anyway. The first mile only took 12:40, down from 14:00. My eventual goal is to be able to run 2-5 miles without stopping and one mile in under ten minutes.

On a very frustrating note, I won an ipod shuffle which I cannot for the life of me get to work. I am not an idiot nor am I technologically challenged; I'm an engineer for goodness sake. My computer refuses to interact with it, or rather I should say computerS since I have tried my home machine and my work machine. Nothing. I am at my wits end and trying to decide what to do with it. It was such a neat concept, but if it doesn't work with my computer it's pretty darn useless. I have searched the web and apparently the shuffle is rife with problems. Well it was a prize that I won at the conference I attended in March, so at least I didn't pay money for it. Boy would I have been pissed if I had.

I guess that sums up the last week or so. I'm off to listen to some sad music from the mid-90's and wallow in my past sorrows for another day or two before I force myself back to the present.

Catching up with Old Friends and "I Knew Him When"

2005-04-19T09:36:00.000-07:00

Thanks for your comment from yesterday, Christine; that's right, we graduated high school the same year. :) I hope your get together with your old friends goes as well as mine did last night. My two friends had also stayed in close touch with one another, like yours.

Last night was great; I met Cami and Leanne for coffee and Luke played with the train table at the coffee place while we chatted. Cami is in marketing, got married last year, and she and her husband own a condo not too far from us. Leanne is a civil engineer and she recently bought a house in the area where I'm hoping to buy a house in the next year or two (Poway). It was so nice to see other people who I've known for so long who also managed to "get out of town". We still have friends that live in Camarillo where we grew up (some still living with their parents, etc) and we talked about our derelict younger siblings.

Cami, Leanne, and I knew each other because we were on the tall flag (like color guard) team and also in concert band. Well, the guy who was our drum major our first two years (Tom Lenk) is now a minor celebrity. If you google him there are pages and pages of results that come up; some are to fan sites in foreign languages even! I have known Tom since he was Tommy; I was in fourth grade and he was in sixth and we went to the same church and took piano lessons from the same teacher. Then in high school we knew each other pretty well; my goodness it seems so long ago now. A few years back he got a break on Buffy and was a regular character until the end of the show apparently. It's been years since I've talked to him, but I have a friend who is still in touch with him (I think). We are pretty sure that he's gay, which is a major loss for women everywhere (oh those blue eyes, sigh). But he was just the neatest guy and it's really cool (wierd) to read about him online!!

Well, that's enough for today; I have a lot of work ahead of me. But someday when Tom really makes it big I can say "I knew him when..."

High School

2005-04-18T15:56:00.000-07:00

I don't know why, but lately I have had high school on my mind a lot. There are a number of factors, I know. My 10 year reunion is next year and I'd like to lose another 19.5 pounds before then. There is an alumni site for my high school and I just discovered two weeks ago that two of my friends from high school live less than ten minutes away (and we are all about 2.5 hours from where we grew up). And then, two nights ago, I had an unsettling dream that included the bastard ex-boyfriend who broke my heart when I was 17. You know, "the" one who, six and a half months later, cheated on me and ripped my heart into a million pieces of confetti.

Tonight I am taking Luke out to get coffee with the two friends who live nearby (well, he'll be playing with the train table while I drink coffee). It has made me reflect on the last 9 years and wonder what happened to all the people I used to know.

I googled a few names and came up with some entertaining results. The boy who dumped glue in my hair in sixth grade (but we were friends later) is now an attorney for the Congressional Research Service. The girl who I narrowly beat out as the top-most ranked girl in our high school class went to Yale and taught English lit in China for a year. And then there is the guy who I knew since seventh grade, the nice student-government type, well he's a medic in Iraq. And that bastard ex? A lawyer in LA. It's interesting to see what careers people have chosen and learn about what they are doing now.

I really can't complain about my life. I have a good job and marriage, and I adore my son. We own our own home and in another year or two we should be able to upgrade to an actual house. I'm in good health and the weight I'm trying to lose now is not so much at least (down to 144.5 yesterday, 19.5 more to go!).

And as much as I would like to, I cannot really even hate the bastard ex who broke my heart. If it wasn't for him I would likely not have ended up going to UCSD for college, and it was at UCSD that I decided to abandon my original pre-med plans and become an engineer instead. I am happy that I am an engineer; it suites me and it thankfully pays well too.

High school is still very much on my mind; I can't wait to see my old friends tonight and catch up. For the most part I have fond memories from those years; I had lots of friends, enjoyed school, and partied a little too. My home life was dreadful though, and I am thankful to be self-sufficient and out on my own now. But it is interesting to look back on the last 9 years and wonder how one different decision here or there would have dramatically altered where I am today.

Work, Taxes, Debt, etc

2005-04-15T13:30:00.000-07:00

I am so glad it's Friday today; it has been such a busy week. There is a project I've been dealing with at work for months and the last part *finally* works. It would have worked 4 months ago if the timing in the datasheet for the memory chip had been correct. But it's finally done and now I just have to spin the board and finish documentation. Whew!

We got our tax refunds back this week too, yay, although the one went in savings and the other is going towards debt. Well, Jay did buy a new putter (why oh why does he need *another* one??) and a new golf bag, and I ordered the Chatelaine Christmas Mystery II kit. Now I certainly didn't *need* it, but I love the Chatelaine designs. I just can't help it!

I am trying to spend less overall though so we can get out of debt and buy a "real" house. We are so close to being able to afford it. I think we could even buy something now but Jay would need some convincing still. In the meantime I will pay off as many of our bills as I can. We could get a 3-4 bedroom house (1700 sq. feet) with about a 1/4 acre in the area I want to live for between $500,000-$550,000. Our townhome would probably sell for at least $380,000. It's amazing; we bought it in August of 2003 for $280,000. I can't believe how much prices have increased; when we bought I was afraid we were buying at the peak. I mean, two years earlier the same place was about $140,000 or so. It's insane. I love where I live (most of the time), but both Jay and I are well-educated and we do pretty well financially. I don't know how most people can afford to live here.

I'd been thinking for awhile about how much I want a "real" house, but I was reminded of it this week when we went to Costco. Luke saw this play structure: linky (it's $300 less if you buy it at the store rather than have it delivered). I've never seen his eyes light up like that (though tomorrow I might; we have free tickets to Legoland and we're going tomorrow). I wish we had a house with a backyard so I could get it for him. I WILL find a way, somehow. Of course, even if we had a place and got it now it would take me years to assembly it!

Well, it has been a very busy week, and this weekend will be full of activity. My dad is coming down to visit today and we're going to Legoland tomorrow. I have wanted to go for ages and I can't wait. I did go to kickboxing last night, which was great. Yay!! My eating has been pretty heinous this week though, so I'm dreading the weigh-in Sunday. At least I'll be walking around all day tomorrow.

My First Quiz

2005-04-11T13:24:00.000-07:00

Thanks for all the comments; I'll give it a couple weeks with his new schedule and see if he starts being more useful at home now that he has two days off. I'll be sure to post an update about it!

I can't type much today, but I saw this and it depressed me:

You Are 34 Years Old

34

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.
13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.
30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!
40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Um, I'm 26. Yep. If I had selected the White Stripes instead of the Rolling Stones, maybe I would have come off a couple years younger. But it said which is the best rock band of *all time*. I love the White Stripes, but sorry the Stones are classic! So while I've always said I was an old lady at heart, I should have said mid-30's I guess!

I'm not sure why the quiz thing is messed up. But in little bitty text it says I act 34.

On Marriage and Being a Working Mother

2005-04-05T09:08:00.000-07:00

I apologize in advance because this is going to be a rant. Sorry!

There are some days where I feel like I may as well be a single mother, considering the lack of help that I get from my husband. I am just so frustrated today, and I know I need to vent somewhere. For the first 2 years and 9 months after Luke was born, Jay was a stay-at-home-dad. It saved us a lot on daycare and taxes, and it was a lot easier to go to work knowing that Luke was safe at home all day. Of course, his SAHD time was much different than if I had been a full-time SAHM. I came home from working full days and still did the vast majority of cleaning. Well, I did get some help in those days, more than I get now anyway.

When we moved to our new home in 2003, Jay went back to work and we put Luke in this great Christian preschool/daycare. Eventually Jay was working full time. Somehow over the last year and a half he has been doing less and less around the house, and I guess it hit me over the weekend and today. I work full time, I make more than twice what he does, and yet he acts like his job is more important. He will go in early in the morning, leaving me to get Luke ready by myself, and then work late so I have to pick Luke up. Some mornings he takes Luke, but even then I am the one who is up getting Luke ready for preschool.

He started a new job Friday and now he has two dedicated days off a week: Monday and Tuesday. I don't have any days off; I have a "real" job M-F and then I spend the weekend cleaning the house, doing the laundry, and taking care of Luke. The thing that made me snap this morning is that he wouldn't get up to help get Luke ready for preschool. Luke loves it when he takes him in the morning, and when I pick him up. I need to make up some time today because I woke up late yesterday (stupid time change) and today is the only chance I have because Jay has to work late the next three nights. Of course he just stayed there in bed so I had to get Luke ready AND take him, making me late to work. Grrr.

I am just so tired; I'm tired of doing laundry every weekend. I'm tired of waiting to see if he'll vacuum and then realizing it's not going to happen and that I can't deal with how gross the floor is. I'm tired of being the only one to clean the kitchen or the bathrooms, or pick up the living room and Luke's room. I'm tired of doing the grocery shopping. And I'm tired of feeling like a single parent so much of the time. The fact that he spent yesterday watching golf and hitting balls, and is going to go play golf today, while I spend my time off keeping our home livable, just makes me so angry. And he has days off during the week where he could actually get a substantial amount of work done around the house without Luke demanding attention. I do not do yardwork, and though we have a small outdoor area, it is in dire need of attention. I would bet money that he doesn't do a damn thing today to contribute to our family; the outdoor area will not be touched while I'm gone, and there's nothing to do inside since I did it all over the weekend, as usual.

There are times when I seriously wish I lived in an earlier time where the husband worked full time and the wife stayed home and took care of the house and the kids. Then at least I wouldn't have to worry about being the breadwinner too and I could spread the housework out over the course of the week and not cram it all into the weekend which is supposed to be time off. Ha. Instead I have the misfortune to live in a time where I get to be a working mother and try to fulfill both roles since I get so little help. Sometimes I just don't know why I bother.

I am an Idiot

2005-04-01T12:07:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was Jay's last day at his previous job; he started as first assistant at a different golf course today. We went out to get some drinks with some of his co-workers. Oh good Lord, now I remember why I don't drink in quantity, especially during the week. I've recently begun to drink wine. I figure I'm in my mid-20's, it's time to become "sophisticated". Well, several rounds later (and some more drinking at home with one of his co-worker's wives), I learn that wine can make one just as sick as any other libation. It's been two years since I've ended up vomiting from drinking too much; I thought I had learned that lesson. Not so! I did manage to drag myself to work this morning but I am hanging on by a thin thread. I know it was my own damn fault; I know better. Well I was planning to cut out alcohol as part of my diet/exercise plan, so I guess it's good that I have no desire whatsoever to even SEE an alcoholic drink in the near future. I did manage to make it to the turbo kickboxing class prior to the evening "festivities", so that's 4 days in a row. I think I will take a break tonight and recover from my stupidity. Thank goodness it's Friday; knowing that I have the next two days to recover should help me through the afternoon.

Back on Track

2005-03-30T10:04:00.000-08:00

I am so pleased; I have been to the gym the last two nights. I have only been doing cardio and abs, but that's mostly because it is still early enough in the year for the weight machines to be too crowded. Well getting some cardio in is better than nothing, right?

I have started keeping track of weight watchers points again. I don't follow it completely, but it is helpful to know what foods are "worth", if you will. My co-worker brought back these chocolate caramel macadamia bits of heaven, and I calculated that one candy is worth 2 ww points. So I ate one with my coffee, but I plan to exercise some restraint. 2 points is okay, as long as it doesn't become 2+2+2+etc.

We went to the California Pizza Kitchen last night. I had a cup of the tortilla soup and a half waldorf salad. I think it is my most favorite salad ever. It was a reasonably healthy meal, especially since I went to the gym afterwards.

I have a real problem though, and that is that I HATE to cook. I really do hate it. I know we eat out way too much; it's much easier to justify now that DH and I both work full time. Neither of us want to cook when we get home at the end of the day. I know we need to force ourselves; I'm trying to plan meals ahead of time but just haven't gotten the hang of it. DH is no help with this. I am really good about making healthy choices when I eat out; I could probably lose weight just as easily that way, but we waste so much money by going out. Ugh. I am going to *try* to go to the store at lunch so we can start eating in again.

I guess that's about it here; nothing too exciting is going on right now. Work is much improved lately; some things are finally starting to work, which is wonderful. I may do a 5K MS walk with some friends in April; I just need to find out if DH can watch Luke so I won't have to find a sitter or something. Hope everyone is having a wonderful day!

Diet and Exercise

2005-03-28T15:20:00.000-08:00

We are back from our trip to Mammoth and (mostly) in one piece. Jay ran into me (ouch!!) and then proceeded to run into a tree, I was very sore, and Luke still won't ski. But it was still a pretty good trip. There was soooo much snow; I have never seen so much snow. I am determined to get in shape this year so I can successfully ski down blue runs next year. I do well on the green runs; I can even do parallel turns now. Something happens when I get on a blue run though; I just freak out about going fast. There is a place here in San Diego that does indoor lessons on a carpeted slope, so we'll try those as next season gets closer.

I have made a dismal discovery now that I have a reliable scale again: I have gained back 6.5 pounds of what I lost last year. The reading yesterday morning was 145.5. In January of 2004 I decided it was time to lose the 30 extra pounds I still had from my pregnancy (literally eating for two, and therefore gaining 60 pounds whilst pregnant, is baaaadddd). I was starting at a depressing 160. Bear in mind I am 5'3"; 160 was a lot for my height.

Well, I started going to the gym again and exercising about 5 times a week, in addition to eating healthier. I mainly cut out refined/processed foods and simple carbs. By the end of last year I was down to 139 and over 2/3 of the way to my initial goal of 130. Since then I have been lazy and started eating poorly again, and the weight is creeping back on. My ten year high school reunion is next year and I am NOT going to be overweight!! I bought a lot of new clothes last year and my size 8 jeans are awfully tight today and I am NOT okay with that.

So starting today, I am back on track. My eating thus far has not been great, but neither has it been terrible. I will get to the grocery store in the next day or two and start bringing healthy snacks to work and planning healthier meals again. I hate to cut into my stitching time, but I have to return to my regular exercise schedule. I may decide at 130 that another 5-10 pounds would be doable.

I know that my weight is in my power to control at this point; I am in decent health and just need to develop some willpower. Wish me luck...

A Quick Post

2005-03-23T09:04:00.000-08:00

I keep meaning to blog but the days keep flying by. We leave today to go to Mammoth; they've gotten 62 inches of snow in the last five days so we picked a good weekend to go. I'm not looking forward to the long drive, but it will be worth it.

I am ticked off at my husband; he was an idiot last night and it brought back memories from an ugly time. I realized one thing that surprised me; I do not trust him. Oh I trust him around his female friends, it's not like that, I just don't trust him regarding another subject. I'm not getting into it here because this is the internet and anyone could happen across this blog. Also I don't want to dwell on it. He's lucky that nothing bad happened last night though and he's and idiot. Enough said.

As I was in bed last night trying to fall asleep I composed a blog entry in my head and now I can't remember what it was about. It was good though. Oh well. I'll try to write more regularly when I get back. I had a lovely weekend with Terri and her delightful homemade pumpkin bread, and several hourse of stitching while Luke was at a friend's house. We should do that more often. :)

Being a Female Engineer

2005-03-17T08:56:00.000-08:00

Well I thought I would have more time to blog while I was in San Francisco, but it ended up being a really busy trip. Tuesday I was at the conference for about 12 hours, and then went back to my hotel to shower, watch The Amazing Race, and stitch. Wednesday I spent all day at the conference again with a brief break to go up to Fisherman's Wharf and Ghiradelli Square to get some gifts for DH and DS. I never even went back online after Monday night; I was so busy or worn out. Wednesday night was really fun, but I'll get to that in a bit.

I made some observations during the conference. Despite the 1 female to every 10 males in my engineering classes in college, the ratio at the conference was more like 1:50. I actually felt out of place at first. No one talked to me and I was treated differently at the vendor booths than my male counterparts. Well okay, not at *all* of the vendor booths, but at many of them. On the upside, there was never a line in the restroom.

I am not used to being ignored; I've always gotten along well with male engineers (since I spend so much time around them IRL) so it was strange to feel left out. That changed Wednesday morning when, out of loneliness and boredome, I started talking to two guys behind me at one of the training courses before the class started. They were talking about cell phones and maybe switching to Cingular, and I have Cingular, so I butted in and we started chatting. It turned out they were from the Sacramento area; one of them lives near my Grandmother actually. They both were married with kids (the one has two boys, 2 and 4, and my son is 4) and it was nice to have someone to talk to. Later in the day I ran into him on the exhibit floor and he invited me along to dinner with the rest of his co-workers so I wouldn't have to be all alone. So I went out to dinner with 5 other engineers and then three of us went to a bar afterwards where we talked about our kids, spouses, church, and neat technology. The one with the two kids is coming to San Diego with his family in a couple months to go to Legoland so we're going to try to go then too and meet up so the kids can play together.

It was interesting going out to drink with them; it was so much more fun than the stress of going out when you're single. We all took turns to go outside and call home, say goodnight to the kids, etc. It was so comfortable and I was so happy to meet other people that really had a lot in common with me. It also made me realize how happy I am to be married and done with the whole trying to hook up with someone thing. We were laughing at some of the other people at the bar, all glad that those days were behind us! I don't mean laughing in a malicious sense, more in a "been there, done that" sense.

Well, it was a wonderful trip overall. I am now back home and working on Alpine Garden Seasons. My kit came while I was gone and I'd been anxiously waiting for it!! It is my favorite Chatelaine design to date and I'm so excited that it's finally started.

I finished Something!

2005-03-07T20:37:00.000-08:00

I am writing tonight from the Crown Plaza Hotel in downtown San Francisco. I'm here this week for the Embedded System Conference. The next three days will be filled with training classes and the exhibition. It's the first time I've gone somewhere leaving Luke with Jay. They did go to North Carolina a week early one year but they were with Jay's parents so they weren't alone. On the one hand of course I miss my boy; I am hardly ever away from him except during the work day, and I really hope that he is okay with this! On the other hand, the thought of three nights in a hotel room all to myself is really exciting. I will get to eat my meals while they're still hot/fresh and I will be able to sleep undisturbed (barring some sort of natural disaster, of course!).

So that's what I'm up to this week. I'll probably have more time to blog than I usually do. Anyway, I have finished something!! I finished Mirabilia's Cottage Garden Fairy on Sunday morning. I'm so excited!! I am not yet sure how to add a picture directly, but here is the link anyway:
http://www.stitchers-gallery.com/jill/index.php?RollID=fin&FrameID=cgf_fin
I stitched this on 32 count belfast Sun Dappled Glade from Sugar Maple Fabrics. I tried to use the specified Mill Hill beads, but they did not fit on the 32 count hand-dyed so I gave up and converted the beads to Delicas. Unfortunately I did it using bead images online and didn't wait until my sample cards arrived, so some of the colors could have had better matches. Oh well; I am happy with it overall and am definitely going to be converting to Delicas from now on.

Well, I think I'm going to enjoy a little stitching time and then try to get to bed early. Tomorrow is a busy day!

Reality and Televisions

2005-02-28T10:57:00.000-08:00

A lot of my fellow stitchers are rejecting reality today as a result of the usual February yuckiness that occurs on the various BB's. I certainly can appreciate that. I hate it when people leave the BB's; I love that there are people on the stitching boards that can be so very different but at least have stitching in common. I hate seeing turmoil and problems and though I often get curious about what is going on at some point or another, deep down I prefer to be ignorant. Not knowing what has happened doesn't shield you from the outcome though. Even if I don't know the details, I still know that people I care about aren't there anymore and it just plain sucks.

So I'm on board with the rejecting reality thing, with the exception of my new television. I'll keep that part of my reality, thanks! DH and I bought a 32" Aquos LCD TV over the weekend and it is absolutely divine. Of course it was largely used this weekend to view Nascar, golf, and college basketball. I got about 30 minutes with it and LOTR though and I'm looking forward to more...

With a few exceptions I'm actually pretty happy with my reality. I would of course like to be fabulously wealthy so I could leisurely travel the world and stitch whatever I wanted. But aside from the online strife and deluge of rain, February wasn't so bad for me. I'm finally conquering my anxiety without medication and life is pretty good. Now if I could just solve a couple design problems at work then things would really be great.

I sure am hoping that the end of the month brings some peace to the online stitching community. Yes everyone has differences, and never will everyone agree on an issue (especially those controversial ones) but let's try to focus on what brought us together, what we have in common: stitching. I have a goal this year: I will sincerely try to not post anything that will hurt someone else. I will try to only be kind and constructive. It's easy to say things online that one wouldn't say in person; there is a certain inherent level of detachment.

So that's my take on reality. This time next week I'll be getting ready to go to San Francisco for four days for a wonderful business trip. I can't wait! I'll keep that part of reality too!