Four Years Ago Yesterday...

Yesterday was my four year wedding anniversary. Jay and I rarely exchange gifts for anything, so I was pleasantly surprised when he came home with flowers. This year has been a difficult one for me in our marriage, but I guess we're doing alright now. I know he will be a big help over the next few days as we have to deal with all of the family that is coming down for Christmas.

My family is a complicated situation for me, as many people who read this probably know by now. My relationship with my mother is very strained on my end. I wonder sometimes how she perceives it, but I am not close to her at all. She was horrid to me growing up and it's like she has no recollection for all the awful things she has said to me. Anyway, I don't want to dwell on that today. She and her friend came down yesterday for Christmas (at least she isn't staying with us this year). We were going to have a quiet dinner at home, just Jay, Luke, and I (and my best friend, Maya, who was down for the day). Of course my mom invites herself over, even though we'll be spending all day today, tomorrow, and Sunday with them. It was utter pandemonium from the second she walked in the door. Sometimes I think she is afraid of silence; she talks incessantly. I wonder how she ever manages to get a breath in as I never hear a big enough pause!

Today we are going to the Wild Animal Park with them. I have to be honest; I am dreading it. At least we are taking separate cars. I am just so exhausted already from spending a couple hours with her last night; the prospect of the next few days is really daunting.

Sometimes I wish for a nice, quiet Christmas with just my husband and son. When I was a kid we never had grandparents and aunts/uncles descend on our home. Our place just is not big enough for so many people; we have a two bedroom townhome with a table that just seats four. I do not handle the chaos well, and I buy all the food and do all the cooking and cleaning (if last year is any indication of what to expect). I don't know how to express this with my mother without her been irrepairably offended, so I suffer through and dread the holidays. I also feel bad because there are so many people who are lonely at this time of the year who miss their family with whom they cannot spend the holidays. Last year's holiday season drove me to anxiety and panic attacks and took several months of therapy to return things to normal.

Ah well, three more days and I'll have my life and home back. I am really looking forward to the week after new year's when we go skiing in Utah with our friends (their daughter and Luke were in preschool together and we all get along really well). I guess that will be my "holiday".

On an entirely different note, my best friend, Maya, was here Wednesday/Thursday this week. She is due with her first child in May (yay!) and I offered to make her a Christening gown for the baby (she is Catholic). She loves the pattern and was thrilled so we went to an LNS yesterday to get the supplies. Of course they were out of the fabric it requires and there is no other place to get it locally. It figures. I have ordered it though and will be ready to start it as soon as it comes in. I also met some people at the LNS who are just as enamored by the Chatelaine designs as I am. It is still not the same as my old LNS that closed, but maybe that will just take some time.

Well, that's enough for today. I doubt I'll be writing again until next week, so have a Merry Christmas (or a happy whatever it is you celebrate) and be safe!