About the Ipod...

Thanks Melissa for your kind offer to take the shuffle off my hands, but I have not yet given up hope that I can get it working. :)

Annette I will probably send you a note next week if I'm still having trouble. My brother is coming down this weekend and he built his own computer so I'm hoping he can help me troubleshoot this problem. When I went up to visit last weekend his computer acknowledged the shuffle's existence so maybe he can help. He refused to put itunes on his machine though, and I didn't have my CD's there to compile a playlist anyway. I've meant to get my playlist ready to go this week for when it does eventually work, but I haven't gotten to it. I'll be sure and post something if/when it decides to cooperate. It is so cute and little and perfect for running; I so want it to work!! Unfortunately we don't have a Mac; I have a friend with one and that will be my last resort since it will be a hassle.

On a sad note, it looks like we will be euthanizing our cat, Willie, this afternoon. He is 11 and has a fibrosarcoma. It was diagnosed in November and to be honest I didn't think he'd make it much past January. He is huge, 26 pounds, and we think that the fat made it difficult for the tumor to grow inside. It ended up growing out to the surface and broke through the skin a few weeks ago. He now has a gaping hole on his side and is clearly suffering. :( Jay is devastated; the two of them have an unnatural bond and it is going to be *ugly*. Prayers and good thoughts would be most welcome.

Well, that about sums it up for today. I did go to the turbo kickboxing class yesterday for the 5th consecutive week. I love that class; the instructor is *amazing*. I'm not even sore today, so I must be getting in shape (albeit slowly). I'm hoping I can get some running in this weekend but Jay has to work all weekend and my brother will be here. It should be a decent weekend though, and if the shuffle will start working I will be ecstatic. Have a nice weekend, everyone.

Nothing Much

I haven't had much to say lately I suppose. I went "home" (though it doesn't feel like home anymore) last weekend. I took Luke to the Day Out With Thomas in Fillmore and he had a wonderful time. I then went to see my best friend, Maya, in a production of Fiddler on the Roof. It was amazing! She was Zeitel; I was not familiar with the play so I didn't realize that it was a pretty major part. The actor that played Tevye was amazing and should be doing much more prominent plays/parts than a role at the Camarillo Community Theater.

I've felt somewhat melancholy lately. It isn't anything particular; I just think that seeing friends from high school and visiting my family has put me in the past a little bit. I have come to the realization that not even time can heal all wounds. There are some that just cut too deep, and though time can push them from your mind and make them more of a dull ache rather than a stabbing pain, well, it cannot eradicate them completely. I know in a couple weeks I will have pushed it back to the deepest recesses of my mind again, to remain there until some other time.

Ah, well. That can't be helped. Life happens, and I guess we all grow from our experiences even if some of them are heart wrenching. On a more positive note I have had some minor success with exercising. I have gone to the gym almost every day the last couple weeks (except during the weekend when I was out of town). I am now able to run/walk 2.25 miles in 30 minutes as of last night, up from 2 miles last week. It's small progress, but it is progress anyway. The first mile only took 12:40, down from 14:00. My eventual goal is to be able to run 2-5 miles without stopping and one mile in under ten minutes.

On a very frustrating note, I won an ipod shuffle which I cannot for the life of me get to work. I am not an idiot nor am I technologically challenged; I'm an engineer for goodness sake. My computer refuses to interact with it, or rather I should say computerS since I have tried my home machine and my work machine. Nothing. I am at my wits end and trying to decide what to do with it. It was such a neat concept, but if it doesn't work with my computer it's pretty darn useless. I have searched the web and apparently the shuffle is rife with problems. Well it was a prize that I won at the conference I attended in March, so at least I didn't pay money for it. Boy would I have been pissed if I had.

I guess that sums up the last week or so. I'm off to listen to some sad music from the mid-90's and wallow in my past sorrows for another day or two before I force myself back to the present.

Catching up with Old Friends and "I Knew Him When"

Thanks for your comment from yesterday, Christine; that's right, we graduated high school the same year. :) I hope your get together with your old friends goes as well as mine did last night. My two friends had also stayed in close touch with one another, like yours.

Last night was great; I met Cami and Leanne for coffee and Luke played with the train table at the coffee place while we chatted. Cami is in marketing, got married last year, and she and her husband own a condo not too far from us. Leanne is a civil engineer and she recently bought a house in the area where I'm hoping to buy a house in the next year or two (Poway). It was so nice to see other people who I've known for so long who also managed to "get out of town". We still have friends that live in Camarillo where we grew up (some still living with their parents, etc) and we talked about our derelict younger siblings.

Cami, Leanne, and I knew each other because we were on the tall flag (like color guard) team and also in concert band. Well, the guy who was our drum major our first two years (Tom Lenk) is now a minor celebrity. If you google him there are pages and pages of results that come up; some are to fan sites in foreign languages even! I have known Tom since he was Tommy; I was in fourth grade and he was in sixth and we went to the same church and took piano lessons from the same teacher. Then in high school we knew each other pretty well; my goodness it seems so long ago now. A few years back he got a break on Buffy and was a regular character until the end of the show apparently. It's been years since I've talked to him, but I have a friend who is still in touch with him (I think). We are pretty sure that he's gay, which is a major loss for women everywhere (oh those blue eyes, sigh). But he was just the neatest guy and it's really cool (wierd) to read about him online!!

Well, that's enough for today; I have a lot of work ahead of me. But someday when Tom really makes it big I can say "I knew him when..."

High School

I don't know why, but lately I have had high school on my mind a lot. There are a number of factors, I know. My 10 year reunion is next year and I'd like to lose another 19.5 pounds before then. There is an alumni site for my high school and I just discovered two weeks ago that two of my friends from high school live less than ten minutes away (and we are all about 2.5 hours from where we grew up). And then, two nights ago, I had an unsettling dream that included the bastard ex-boyfriend who broke my heart when I was 17. You know, "the" one who, six and a half months later, cheated on me and ripped my heart into a million pieces of confetti.

Tonight I am taking Luke out to get coffee with the two friends who live nearby (well, he'll be playing with the train table while I drink coffee). It has made me reflect on the last 9 years and wonder what happened to all the people I used to know.

I googled a few names and came up with some entertaining results. The boy who dumped glue in my hair in sixth grade (but we were friends later) is now an attorney for the Congressional Research Service. The girl who I narrowly beat out as the top-most ranked girl in our high school class went to Yale and taught English lit in China for a year. And then there is the guy who I knew since seventh grade, the nice student-government type, well he's a medic in Iraq. And that bastard ex? A lawyer in LA. It's interesting to see what careers people have chosen and learn about what they are doing now.

I really can't complain about my life. I have a good job and marriage, and I adore my son. We own our own home and in another year or two we should be able to upgrade to an actual house. I'm in good health and the weight I'm trying to lose now is not so much at least (down to 144.5 yesterday, 19.5 more to go!).

And as much as I would like to, I cannot really even hate the bastard ex who broke my heart. If it wasn't for him I would likely not have ended up going to UCSD for college, and it was at UCSD that I decided to abandon my original pre-med plans and become an engineer instead. I am happy that I am an engineer; it suites me and it thankfully pays well too.

High school is still very much on my mind; I can't wait to see my old friends tonight and catch up. For the most part I have fond memories from those years; I had lots of friends, enjoyed school, and partied a little too. My home life was dreadful though, and I am thankful to be self-sufficient and out on my own now. But it is interesting to look back on the last 9 years and wonder how one different decision here or there would have dramatically altered where I am today.

Work, Taxes, Debt, etc

I am so glad it's Friday today; it has been such a busy week. There is a project I've been dealing with at work for months and the last part *finally* works. It would have worked 4 months ago if the timing in the datasheet for the memory chip had been correct. But it's finally done and now I just have to spin the board and finish documentation. Whew!

We got our tax refunds back this week too, yay, although the one went in savings and the other is going towards debt. Well, Jay did buy a new putter (why oh why does he need *another* one??) and a new golf bag, and I ordered the Chatelaine Christmas Mystery II kit. Now I certainly didn't *need* it, but I love the Chatelaine designs. I just can't help it!

I am trying to spend less overall though so we can get out of debt and buy a "real" house. We are so close to being able to afford it. I think we could even buy something now but Jay would need some convincing still. In the meantime I will pay off as many of our bills as I can. We could get a 3-4 bedroom house (1700 sq. feet) with about a 1/4 acre in the area I want to live for between $500,000-$550,000. Our townhome would probably sell for at least $380,000. It's amazing; we bought it in August of 2003 for $280,000. I can't believe how much prices have increased; when we bought I was afraid we were buying at the peak. I mean, two years earlier the same place was about $140,000 or so. It's insane. I love where I live (most of the time), but both Jay and I are well-educated and we do pretty well financially. I don't know how most people can afford to live here.

I'd been thinking for awhile about how much I want a "real" house, but I was reminded of it this week when we went to Costco. Luke saw this play structure: linky (it's $300 less if you buy it at the store rather than have it delivered). I've never seen his eyes light up like that (though tomorrow I might; we have free tickets to Legoland and we're going tomorrow). I wish we had a house with a backyard so I could get it for him. I WILL find a way, somehow. Of course, even if we had a place and got it now it would take me years to assembly it!

Well, it has been a very busy week, and this weekend will be full of activity. My dad is coming down to visit today and we're going to Legoland tomorrow. I have wanted to go for ages and I can't wait. I did go to kickboxing last night, which was great. Yay!! My eating has been pretty heinous this week though, so I'm dreading the weigh-in Sunday. At least I'll be walking around all day tomorrow.

My First Quiz

Thanks for all the comments; I'll give it a couple weeks with his new schedule and see if he starts being more useful at home now that he has two days off. I'll be sure to post an update about it!

I can't type much today, but I saw this and it depressed me:

You Are 34 Years Old

34 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Um, I'm 26. Yep. If I had selected the White Stripes instead of the Rolling Stones, maybe I would have come off a couple years younger. But it said which is the best rock band of *all time*. I love the White Stripes, but sorry the Stones are classic! So while I've always said I was an old lady at heart, I should have said mid-30's I guess!

I'm not sure why the quiz thing is messed up. But in little bitty text it says I act 34.

On Marriage and Being a Working Mother

I apologize in advance because this is going to be a rant. Sorry!

There are some days where I feel like I may as well be a single mother, considering the lack of help that I get from my husband. I am just so frustrated today, and I know I need to vent somewhere. For the first 2 years and 9 months after Luke was born, Jay was a stay-at-home-dad. It saved us a lot on daycare and taxes, and it was a lot easier to go to work knowing that Luke was safe at home all day. Of course, his SAHD time was much different than if I had been a full-time SAHM. I came home from working full days and still did the vast majority of cleaning. Well, I did get some help in those days, more than I get now anyway.

When we moved to our new home in 2003, Jay went back to work and we put Luke in this great Christian preschool/daycare. Eventually Jay was working full time. Somehow over the last year and a half he has been doing less and less around the house, and I guess it hit me over the weekend and today. I work full time, I make more than twice what he does, and yet he acts like his job is more important. He will go in early in the morning, leaving me to get Luke ready by myself, and then work late so I have to pick Luke up. Some mornings he takes Luke, but even then I am the one who is up getting Luke ready for preschool.

He started a new job Friday and now he has two dedicated days off a week: Monday and Tuesday. I don't have any days off; I have a "real" job M-F and then I spend the weekend cleaning the house, doing the laundry, and taking care of Luke. The thing that made me snap this morning is that he wouldn't get up to help get Luke ready for preschool. Luke loves it when he takes him in the morning, and when I pick him up. I need to make up some time today because I woke up late yesterday (stupid time change) and today is the only chance I have because Jay has to work late the next three nights. Of course he just stayed there in bed so I had to get Luke ready AND take him, making me late to work. Grrr.

I am just so tired; I'm tired of doing laundry every weekend. I'm tired of waiting to see if he'll vacuum and then realizing it's not going to happen and that I can't deal with how gross the floor is. I'm tired of being the only one to clean the kitchen or the bathrooms, or pick up the living room and Luke's room. I'm tired of doing the grocery shopping. And I'm tired of feeling like a single parent so much of the time. The fact that he spent yesterday watching golf and hitting balls, and is going to go play golf today, while I spend my time off keeping our home livable, just makes me so angry. And he has days off during the week where he could actually get a substantial amount of work done around the house without Luke demanding attention. I do not do yardwork, and though we have a small outdoor area, it is in dire need of attention. I would bet money that he doesn't do a damn thing today to contribute to our family; the outdoor area will not be touched while I'm gone, and there's nothing to do inside since I did it all over the weekend, as usual.

There are times when I seriously wish I lived in an earlier time where the husband worked full time and the wife stayed home and took care of the house and the kids. Then at least I wouldn't have to worry about being the breadwinner too and I could spread the housework out over the course of the week and not cram it all into the weekend which is supposed to be time off. Ha. Instead I have the misfortune to live in a time where I get to be a working mother and try to fulfill both roles since I get so little help. Sometimes I just don't know why I bother.

I am an Idiot

Yesterday was Jay's last day at his previous job; he started as first assistant at a different golf course today. We went out to get some drinks with some of his co-workers. Oh good Lord, now I remember why I don't drink in quantity, especially during the week. I've recently begun to drink wine. I figure I'm in my mid-20's, it's time to become "sophisticated". Well, several rounds later (and some more drinking at home with one of his co-worker's wives), I learn that wine can make one just as sick as any other libation. It's been two years since I've ended up vomiting from drinking too much; I thought I had learned that lesson. Not so! I did manage to drag myself to work this morning but I am hanging on by a thin thread. I know it was my own damn fault; I know better. Well I was planning to cut out alcohol as part of my diet/exercise plan, so I guess it's good that I have no desire whatsoever to even SEE an alcoholic drink in the near future. I did manage to make it to the turbo kickboxing class prior to the evening "festivities", so that's 4 days in a row. I think I will take a break tonight and recover from my stupidity. Thank goodness it's Friday; knowing that I have the next two days to recover should help me through the afternoon.